There is a moral problem. And it’s stupid to keep silent about it. Should we help relatives financially if they themselves DO NOT WANT to help themselves AT ALL, but are accustomed to sucking money and energy from their parents, children, brothers, sisters.

This could be a mother who raised her son alone and now demands that he buy her a ticket to Paris. My son just graduated from college and has not yet started earning a decent living. He lives separately and is planning to start a family. But the mother insists that now her son must fulfill all her whims.

It could be the sister with the failed personal life and fate, which requires constant help from a wealthy brother. And also blackmailing with suicide, she begs a rich relative, in her opinion, for his share of money and benefits.

How to help relatives?

Everyone has their own truth. There are objective standards of care. In order to live in harmony with our conscience, we voluntarily accept the duty of helping relatives in need.

How to treat blackmail with suicide? There is an opinion that a person who constantly scares his family with suicide will never commit suicide. This is confirmed by the facts of life, but there are exceptions. Such statements from people suffering from alcoholism should be taken especially seriously. Adolescents in puberty and older adults have the highest risk of suicide among age groups. A lonely, sick, useless old man, being in a depressed state, will most likely die without regret. Your conscience must be clear. After all, you did everything you could.

We found out whether to help relatives.

Now specifically, how to help relatives, how to provide financial assistance and moral support. If a person does not want and does not know how to manage the amounts of assistance, it is worth setting a specific date on which you will give an amount that is feasible for you. This help should not harm you personally. It is better to buy clothes and food than to give money. There is less temptation to spend on something forbidden.

Now about moral support. Most often, blackmailers are excellent manipulators. They are always unhappy, dissatisfied with you, the weather, the government. And life is not sweet for them because of this. Eternally whining relatives are not a gift, but relatives - they never cease to be yours. It is unlikely that you will be able to reason with a beggar. Talking with such an energy vampire is more expensive for yourself. What - avoid communication?

There is a proven method. In order to live in harmony with your conscience, and at the same time, to save yourself, it is better not to refuse conversations with the manipulator, but not to connect to his emotions. Watch a movie, play solitaire, play on the computer. Periodically assent, shake your head. You should never let other people's problems inside you.

You need to take care of yourself and your family. Never, even in the depths of your soul, should you expect gratitude for help from relatives. The most distinguishing feature manipulator - ingratitude. What should we be grateful for? If everyone owes him?

This is a difficult question: whether to help relatives - parasites, beggars, but the matter is even more difficult.

The origins of this problem, as well as all moral ones, lie in a lack of love in childhood. In the inability to love, in not being loved, in being spoiled.

For successful treatment, it is necessary that the patient is properly motivated - this is one of the most important conditions, without which effective treatment is almost impossible. And most often, drug addicts do not express any particular desire to undergo professional rehabilitation. In this case, what should relatives and friends who want to help a drug addicted person do? Thanks to the advice developed by our specialists, you will be able to control the situation and be able to convince your loved one to undergo rehabilitation.

Prepare carefully for the conversation

You should not start a conversation with a drug addict without a clear understanding of the matter. For the most productive conversation, you should learn:

What kind of drugs does the addict use?

Methods for treating this particular addiction.

This knowledge will help construct your conversation constructively. Be sure to tell us exactly how the rehabilitation will take place. It is important to pay special attention to the fact that the drug addict is able to cope with his illness, and you will support him in this.

Start a conversation at the right moment

The greatest benefit from talking to an addict can be achieved soon after problems with drug use begin to appear. This moment is most suitable for this kind of conversation - the drug addict at this time is able to hear you, and you will have a chance to show and prove that the situation is becoming not just unpleasant, but also truly dangerous.

Be calm during the conversation

Emotions and their active expression during a motivational conversation with a drug addict can prevent you from conveying the necessary information. Therefore, approach the conversation as calmly as possible, try to distract yourself from emotions. All your arguments and arguments must be extremely clear and as rational as possible; their emotional presentation may be too unconvincing.

Yours main task– show that you are really concerned about the condition and health of your loved one. Convince the addict that you want to help him. Give examples of how the behavior of a drug addict negatively affects not only his life, but also the lives of his loved ones.

Tell us about the consequences

You must make it clear to the drug addict that refusing treatment will result in irreversible consequences that will be extremely unpleasant for him. It is necessary to name specific consequences. They can be different depending on the age of the addict:

Termination of financial support;

Leaving home;

Prohibition on communication with friends and close circle and more.

But you should remember that you must be ready to fulfill any of the mentioned consequences. Otherwise, they will lead to the opposite effect.

Act quickly

If a drug addict has given his consent to undergo rehabilitation, do not delay visiting a doctor, but call immediately and make an appointment. In most cases, consent to treatment is temporary, so it is important to start treatment in time, where psychologists will support the desire to say goodbye to a dangerous habit.

Be attentive to your loved one, support him, but be careful - people addicted to drugs know how to cleverly manipulate their relatives. If you feel that you cannot cope with difficulties on your own, you can contact us - we will help you develop the right tactics when communicating with your loved one.

Remember that the sooner rehabilitation begins, the sooner your close person get rid of a terrible addiction. Don't wait - call us right now!

Helping parents and relatives of drug addicts is an important part of drug rehabilitation; it is an integral part of the recovery process. Parents and relatives of addicted people are codependent with them and need help no less than their children. After all, they have been living next to a drug addict for a long time and are in an atmosphere of constant negativity associated with drug use.

Consulting assistance

In the practice of the Al-Amin Foundation, there is a wide range of activities to help relatives of addicts. These include free consulting assistance, during which the intra-family situation, the nature of relationships between family members and the mental state of relatives are studied, and referral of codependents to self-help groups and seminars. An important aspect of these classes is to teach codependents not to feel “guilt” in front of a relative who is an alcoholic/drug addict, whom they supposedly “overlooked” by not paying attention to the use of intoxicating substances in time. This will get rid of manipulation by drug and alcohol addicts, who often resort to this “technique”, playing on the feelings of their loved ones.

The Al-Amin Foundation directs and conducts seminars for codependents with the participation of highly professional psychologists, narcologists, and chemical dependency counselors. Their topics are the most relevant - what addiction is and how it is formed, what are the modern and most effective methods of getting rid of the disease, how to behave towards addicts. Formed individual plan addiction treatment. Much attention is paid to the topic of creating a motivational crisis.

Motivational crisis

In some cases, in order to force a drug addict to undergo treatment, they can simply close the doors of their own home. The goal of a crisis is to create the most uncomfortable conditions for a person until he agrees to treatment and rehabilitation.

A motivational crisis is a path that is implemented by the relatives of a drug addict. In order to understand what to do and how, it is necessary to consult with specialists - practitioners in this field. Modern drug addiction often forms and develops quickly and requires immediate intervention. In such a situation, the family on its own cannot quickly resolve the issue of a person’s motivation and a more urgent and radical approach is required. A sudden crisis situation is formed for a drug addict, aimed at placing him in treatment or rehabilitation, sometimes even by “deception” and exaggerating the real severity of the situation, although the term “exaggeration” in this case is very conditional. Drug addiction and alcoholism are serious diseases that can lead to death if left untreated.

Intervention

It is important for codependents to understand what they can do and what needs to be entrusted to a specialist. One of modern techniques intervention. There is nothing “terrible” about it. This is emergency and effective help aimed at convincing the patient to seek treatment for addiction. Only specialists can use this technique competently and with benefit for the patient, skillfully showing firmness and perseverance, knowledge of the psychology of addicts in convincing the patient, motivating him for treatment and further rehabilitation. The main goal of the intervention is to “open the eyes” of a drug addict or alcoholic to the severity of his real condition and inevitable death in the absence of treatment. At the same time, the patient is motivated for treatment and rehabilitation. Relatives will not be able to apply such techniques on their own.

Selection of a clinic

Codependents are taught how to choose the best option for a drug treatment clinic so that the treatment is professional and anonymous, and does not harm moral and material damage addict and his family, studies, career and professional activity. This takes into account age characteristics and religious affiliation, adherence to certain ethical and spiritual standards, optimal territorial location of the clinic. Complete confidentiality is maintained.

The Al-Amin Foundation provides assistance in selecting highly professional medical specialists to conduct a detoxification course at home, if this is most preferable in this particular situation.

Specialists of the prevention department of the Al-Amin Foundation are ready to take on the responsibilities of accompanying addicts to the selected medical institution and clinic.

Rehabilitation and selection of a rehabilitation center

After completing a treatment course - if necessary, and experience shows that this is necessary in 90% of cases - the fund's specialists select an individual rehabilitation course, taking into account all the characteristics of a particular addict. This course is developed by Al-Amin Foundation specialists individually for each person. It is known that in order to consolidate the result and obtain stable remission, it is necessary to undergo rehabilitation in a specialized center and it is better to do this away from home, the “usual” places of sale and distribution of alcohol and drugs. For example, a resident of Moscow or Makhachkala may be recommended to undergo a rehabilitation course in Crimea or Kazan, where there are no “familiar” drug dealers or alcohol distribution points, there are no so-called “friends” who encourage the use of intoxicating substances. The most optimal climatic conditions are taken into account.

The rehabilitation centers of the Al-Amin Foundation are equipped with everything necessary to complete a rehabilitation course in comfortable conditions. The staff of the centers are professionally trained and have extensive experience in the field of rehabilitation and resocialization of people addicted to alcohol and/or drugs.

Assistance in accompanying you to a rehabilitation center

Specialists from the Al-Amin prevention department assist in accompanying the patient to the rehabilitation center. In most cases, this is a necessary measure, since after treatment in a clinic, the addict has not yet developed a stable “immunity” to drug or alcohol use. Unfortunately, “random” travel companions may turn out to be people who use alcohol or drugs. Without professional supervision on the road, you can also purchase psychotropic substances or alcohol “on the way” to a rehabilitation center, which will lead to very negative consequences. Escort is provided in railway transport, on air travel, as well as in road transport for employees of the Al-Amin Foundation.

Mental illnesses are not that rare. Thousands of families face them every year and are forced to solve the problems that arise.

It must be remembered that there is no single recipe for behavior. Each family makes its own decision, depending on its moral level and assessment of what happened. Since both are very different in different families, different decisions are made, and their range is very wide - from the almost immediate breakdown of the family to the fact that caring for the sick becomes the only goal and meaning of life for all relatives. Of course, there is always a best solution, but it is the best solution for this particular family in this particular situation. A doctor can be a valuable help, but he must be an experienced and wise doctor who knows not only the patient well, but also his family.

PROBLEMS AND THEIR SOLUTIONS

1. Mental illness is ALWAYS ACCOMPANIED BY BEHAVIORAL DISORDERS. Old psychiatrists said that along with mental illness, a completely new, different person comes into the house - restless, anxious, or angry and suspicious, apathetic (“lazy”) or depressed. Behavioral disorders shock loved ones, there is a desire to immediately correct them, and this, naturally, is done using the usual methods - in some cases the patient is scolded and called to order, in others they are also scolded and called to “pull yourself together.” Both lead to quarrels, which are always traumatic for both the patient and his relatives, and are always completely useless.

BEHAVIORAL DISORDERS ARE SYMPTOMS OF A DISEASE, AND THE PATIENT IS AS LITTLE TO GUILTY FOR THEM AS A SICK WITH THE FLU IS FOR HAVING A HIGH TEMPERATURE.

This is a very difficult problem for relatives - to understand and accustom themselves to the fact that the incorrect behavior of a sick person is not a manifestation of maliciousness, bad upbringing or character, that these violations cannot be eliminated or normalized by ordinary (educational or punitive) measures, that they will be eliminated as they improve the patient's condition.

The wrong behavior of a patient is a natural reason for grief (because it indicates the poor state of his health), but absolutely no reason for anger or irritation.

Behavioral disorders can be different - from very severe (with acute outbreaks of mental illness) to barely noticeable (with a favorable course). The more subtle the behavioral disorders, the more often you have to remind yourself that you shouldn’t get angry and “educate” a sick person when he doesn’t behave exactly the way he would like.

This begs the question of how to behave. Each specific case has its own characteristics, its own line of behavior of others. The doctor who treats the patient and is well versed in all the features of the course of the disease should help find the optimal style of behavior.

2. The second most important problem of a patient being in a family is that the SICK NEEDS A PERMANENT DOCTOR. This is an elementary truth, and there seems to be nothing to prove. However, there are many difficulties in understanding and implementing this need, some of which are a consequence of the natural desire to help the patient as best as possible, and some arose as a result of the negative attitude towards psychiatry that developed during the years of Soviet power.

Therefore, when a patient appears in the family, the search for a good specialist begins. This is correct, but here, as elsewhere, it is useful to know when to stop. If the measure is lost, the search turns into constant consultations with one professor, then with another, then with a psychic, then with someone else. As a result, the sick person does not receive the necessary treatment, because “seven nannies have a child without an eye.”

A patient (by the way, not only a mentally ill person, this applies to any person suffering from a chronic illness) most of all needs a permanent doctor. Of course, a doctor must have sufficient qualifications, but he does not have to be a professor. Another thing is necessary - the DOCTOR MUST USE THE CONFIDENCE OF HIS PATIENT. Of course, there are times when even a very good doctor, no matter how hard he wants, cannot achieve this - this, in our opinion, is really the reason to change the doctor.

The main advantage that a patient receives when constantly being treated by one doctor is that the doctor knows all the features of the course of the disease, reactions to medications, the situation at work (if the patient works), and finally, the intricacies of the patient’s relationships with other family members. Such a doctor can give truly valuable advice on any matter. Anyone else who does not have such information will give advice “in general” regarding how “it happens in such cases.” And such advice is not always useful.

The next problem, closely related to the problem of a permanent doctor, relates to the degree of understanding of the essence of what is happening. ONLY A QUALIFIED DOCTOR CAN REALLY ACCURATELY PREDICT HOW THE DISEASE WILL FURTHER DEVELOP IN A GIVEN PATIENT. THE POSSIBILITY OF AN ACCURATE PREDICTION OF THE DISEASE DEVELOPMENT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECTS IN THE RELATIONSHIP OF THE DOCTOR AND THE PATIENT.

A huge number of people travel around the country in search of a “consultant” for the reason that they believe that if the doctor is really good, he should quickly cure the patient. “Your” doctor turns out to be bad only because he cannot do this. Before assessing the doctor from this point of view, it is useful to find out what the nature of the course of the disease is in this case and what one can hope for.

Let us consider the problem of the course of the disease using the example of schizophrenia, a disease that is widely known. The manifestations of schizophrenia and the characteristics of its course are so diverse that it can “serve as a model” for any mental illness.

The most severe cases schizophrenia has a continuous progressive course. This means that the course of the disease is monotonous. The patient gets better and worse, but there are no clear periods of exacerbations and almost complete restoration of health.

The prognosis in such cases is unimportant. It is difficult to wait for recovery, and treatment is aimed at something else: to slow down the course of the disease, that is, to prevent the destructive work of the disease on the patient’s personality; if possible, remove the most severe behavioral disorders, due to which the person would have to be hospitalized; try to provide the patient with the opportunity to work, at least under special conditions, which is important not only from the point of view of earnings, but is also of great value for maintaining the patient’s morale. It is worth expecting successes of this kind. The fact that the doctor is unable to achieve recovery is not his fault in these cases: the level of development modern science is not yet sufficient to cope with this form of the disease.

Relationships in families with such a patient inevitably have the nature of patronage. It is difficult to build such relationships correctly, because the right tone is necessary: ​​the patient should not feel humiliated by either the pity or hostility of his family, he should never have reason to suspect that he is being told a lie. A special kind of difficulty arises if the patient expresses thoughts of painful origin that do not correspond to reality. Very often they try to convince such a patient, especially since his statements are so incongruous, and

The patient looks (and indeed is) not at all stupid.

With painful statements from patients, the situation is exactly the same as with behavioral disorders. They are symptoms of the disease, depend on its internal mechanisms and have practically no connection with the events surrounding the patient. This is how they fundamentally differ from all other (including erroneous) ideas, and therefore any argumentation in discussions on their topic is useless. Arguing with a patient about his painful statements is a big mistake. In each case, you have to come up with the most appropriate form of behavior: some prefer to say directly that this idea has a painful origin and therefore is not worth arguing, others prefer to say about the same thing, but in a softer way. There is only one thing that is definitely not suitable - supporting painful ideas.

A SPECIAL SITUATION ARISES WHEN IT IS NECESSARY TO PLACE A PATIENT IN A HOSPITAL, AND IN ADDITION TO HIS WISH. This happens rarely, but it still happens, and you need to know how to behave if the patient’s behavior is so upset that it threatens the life or health of both the patient himself and those around him. Then we have to resort to the last resort - involuntary hospitalization. To do this, you need to contact a psychoneurological clinic at your place of residence or call an ambulance for psychiatric help. Sometimes police officers help psychiatrists hospitalize a patient.

In another variant of schizophrenia, the disease also flows continuously, but is incomparably more favorable. All disorders occur mainly in the area of ​​mood and character. Difficulties in relationships with the patient in this case are much more common, because outwardly the patient’s behavior disorders are not at all as unusual and rude as in the previous description. However, it turns out that it is much more difficult to understand that these disorders, so similar to ordinary manifestations of a bad character, are the same symptoms of a disease, such as, for example, hallucinations. The relatives of the patient are required to make very significant efforts here to preserve the normal existence of the family.

The situation is completely different with paroxysmal schizophrenia. The disease occurs in separate, clearly defined attacks, each of which lasts from several weeks to several months. Painful disorders during an attack can be violent and vivid, but in remissions (the intervals between attacks) they can completely disappear. Remissions can be of very different durations, up to tens of years. It often happens that the attacks stop, and this can happen after the first or after the tenth attack.

During an attack, the patient is usually in the hospital. After discharge, many problems arise: this includes the relationship with the doctor (and much depends on his skill, much more than in the first case); and the problem of maintaining professional ability to work, which is often lost due to lack of patience of employees and administration; and very special difficulties at home, in the family.

The fact is that when the attack (especially the first) ends, some have a very difficult time at the moment of realizing that they are mentally ill. And here all the tact, all the love and all the mercy of loved ones is needed to help the patient cope with this, to prevent him from entering the role of an inferior, not like everyone else.

CHARITY IS THE BASIS OF RELATIONS IN A FAMILY WHERE THERE IS A MENTALLY ILL PERSON.

It is mercy that allows you to find those the only words, which help out in any critical situation, help maintain optimism and faith in the future even when, it would seem, there is nothing to hope for.

By the way, you need to maintain hope not only because the doctor always advises it. According to research recent years, recovery from mental illness is much more common than previously thought, and even with schizophrenia it is not at all uncommon. It is in connection with these new data that the system of lifelong observation of mentally ill patients in a psychoneurological dispensary is becoming a thing of the past.

Life in big city– it’s not only work, entertainment and shopping, it’s also a bunch of relatives who constantly need something. To help or not to help your own blood, even if it is diluted with the seventh water on jelly, and you need to save it good relationship, the site’s columnist Anna Lebedeva examined.

It’s true what they say – trouble doesn’t come alone. Moreover, sometimes not only their own troubles, but also those of others, are knocking on the door in a crowd. Recently, a whole bunch of sad stories of a special class fell on me - the troubles of relatives. These problems seem to be not yours, but still not someone else’s.

– It wouldn’t be bad to visit my father’s cousin! – my aunt told me the other day. Sick woman, lonely. The daughter lives outside the city and does not communicate with her because she hates her husband.

After some time, a call comes from a cousin who recently lost his job and a mouse hanged itself in his refrigerator. No, he does not ask to buy groceries, but simply reports that he has no food.

On the same day, relatives remind him of his godson’s birthday and hint that he needs to donate money for a gift.

And also old grandmother Lena, the second cousin of the late grandfather, who herself is not able to go grocery shopping, and cannot stand social service workers, because they are not real, strangers.

In general, everyone wants the attention of loved ones, even if it’s the seventh water on jelly, but so that the blood is dear. To have someone to drink a cup of tea with and have a heartfelt chat. Well, how can you not help, especially when asked?

I am rehearsing how I will distribute finances at a family dinner and I understand that there is no question of any nest egg.

- Honey, my relatives need help. Probably yours too? Let's count how much we can allocate for this good cause.

I’m waiting for my husband’s answer, but questions are spinning in my head. When my brother finds a job, it is unknown what will happen next with my father’s aunt’s health, the big question is whether all the relatives will rush in with calls for help, having learned that we are doing good.

But what to do if the money is limited and we are not able to feed all our relatives? We don’t earn so little, but if we help everyone, we won’t have any money left for ourselves, and otherwise our relatives will probably be offended.

Selfish thoughts are immediately born - we have our own family and why should we help everyone? I want to spend money on myself and not think about buying food for my unemployed brother and his family.

A trip to a distant relative will cost me like an expensive toy for a child, which he has been asking me for a long time. And if we buy food for Grandma Lena, who, by the way, has a daughter, then we will deny ourselves entertainment.

To help or not to help is a difficult question.

I think so, if they ask, then if possible we should help. If there is no money, then give attention. Invite your brother to come visit for lunch, call your dad's aunt and find out how she is feeling, if she needs medicine and help around the house, and entertain your distant relative with evening conversations and visit at least once a month. You can also arrange a duty schedule, involving all relatives in order to equally distribute financial responsibilities.

We definitely need to help, because each of us could find ourselves in a similar situation, and who, if not our relatives, will help us?

The older we get, the faster our aunts, uncles, grandmothers, and grandfathers age. They no longer have time for new dresses, earrings and beads. They need medicine, bread, milk and meat. They may not even ask, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need help.

The worst thing in this life is to boycott your relatives.

- I don’t want to know my aunt! - my cousin, who was left without work, told me. Pride and resentment do not allow him to ask for a piece of bread from a loved one, who once sold an apartment he inherited in order to pay off his husband’s debts.

And the brother wanted to get everything for himself, not caring about the debts of his relatives. He thought only about his family. I didn’t want to help, didn’t consider options, and simply crossed out loved ones from my life. And now he walks around with a stone in his soul, and a mouse hanged himself in the refrigerator. But is this good?

Don't be offended by your relatives, help them, pay more attention. Distant does not mean strangers. The time will come when they will help you. But don't forget to leave something for yourself.