My thoughts are for those who perceive life mostly emotionally. If you are emotionally stable, and you are almost always guided by considerations of rationality and expediency of your manifestations, I think that what I write will seem strange to you, to say the least...

Life is always different... For emotionally active people, to whom I primarily include myself, impressions from participation in various events and contacts with Others primarily pass through the filters of sensory sensations, influencing our emotional states. After all, emotions are our first response to interaction with our environment. We cry - we laugh - we rejoice - we get sad - we experience a bunch of other states. And so - every day.

When we are constantly in this emotional “cauldron” of ours, it turns out that almost all of our internal states depend on those who surround us. Yes, to become completely independent of your environment is by definition impossible. But we definitely have opportunities to be more ourselves than a mirror of the world. Which only reflects what is happening outside. And even so...it often reflects “crookedly”, refracting many of its reactions through layers of previous experience. Giving out “rehearsed” and often precisely “defensive” emotional responses that once helped out in similar situations...

Where is the possible root of our greater independence - and therefore the ability to more resiliently self-determinate in the most diverse challenges of reality?

The human psyche is mosaic. A whole company of all sorts of different characters cohabits within us - read either roles or parts, from which we - depending on the current situation - are accustomed to react in one way or another to what happens to us. I really like the metaphor that a person is a house. Each one is built primarily according to the design of the primary, parental family, and being completed - redrawn by us - already adults. Some have a cramped dugout camouflaged from strangers, others have a high-rise building with a bunch of stuff different people, often unfamiliar with each other. And all these residents are our different manifestations. Reactions to the environment. Ways of contact with Others.

It’s good when this house is mostly clean and comfortable. Each resident knows his place. There are either no eternal brawlers and constantly gloomy crybabies at all, or they still know how to calm down so...quickly. And if in our house there is a Manager, for whom everyone in this house is familiar, who is able to observe order and at least somehow control the manifestations of our characters, who has the ability to calm this one down, to encourage that one, and to “put it in sight” “Consider life a success.

The manager is our deepest part. Which depends little on the momentary nature of life. Some may call it the Soul, others the Self. Psychoanalysts call it the observing part of the ego. Followers of Bern - The adult part of the personality. Which “centers” our psyche, gives it stability in living through uncertainty and protects us from decay and chaos. And our roles - characters - ways of perception and reaction - this is what our Self gets to know itself and the Universe.

You can live your whole life in ignorance that it exists in you. But sometimes - in rare moments of silence - you can come into contact with it. When you retire and give yourself the opportunity to just be. Like the tide of the sea, like the sound of the wind in the forest.

To do this you need to do very simple things. Provide yourself, at least for half an hour, comfortably position yourself so that your body feels the warmth and support of what it is now leaning on, and calmly observe your breathing - thoughts - traces of emotions... As if you are in front of a screen on which all sorts of events are unfolding different stories where you are one of the main ones characters. Such attentive, but slightly detached contemplation - good way gradually become aware of your inner characters. Which for the most part manifest themselves in us unconsciously, impoverishing our possibilities of contact with ourselves and with the world with their fixed reactions. Try just observing. Through even, calm breathing and safe relaxation of the body, slightly slow down the cycle of your thoughts. Hear - see - feel which emotion is making which part of your psyche active now. And which one shuts his mouth. And how precisely such an emotional reaction really corresponds to what caused it “here and now” in your reality. Or is this emotion - thought - sensation - just a familiar “shield” that insures you from encountering something new in your life.

When we have a happy period in life - we are in love, or we have a new interesting work, or something else that joyfully excites us, we are ready to give ourselves over to it with all our pleasure positive emotions entirely. At such moments, we don’t care at all that everything that now excites us so much is just the external side of our life. We are ready to open our borders and are happy to appropriate these delicious events and these wonderful people who give us so many delicious things...

But since the source of our joy is external, we certainly do not have sufficient resources to control it in such a way that it uninterruptedly supplies us with only positive things. Any Other at any moment can say a word or do a deed that will really upset us. Yes, and one more thing - euphoric states take up too much of our energy for us to remain in this forever without subsequent exhaustion... Let's see what can happen to us when the “first cloud” comes over our “rainbow” horizon. For example, our love ended in separation. You are left with a very disgusting and painful feeling that you have been abandoned. Your feelings were betrayed. You are “torn” by the most contradictory moods: either you want to run after him and do everything to get him back, or you want to “tear” him to shreds, make his life without you hell. Then you want to become a block of ice that doesn’t care... And in these cases, with the same ardor and heat, you surrender entirely to these painful emotions. Life practically stops, everything focuses around the core of your experiences.

Of course, time always comes out of this. It is impossible to suffer intensely for a very long time, just as it is impossible to rejoice intensely. Over time, everything always calms down. But time “erodes” the pain. It just “dulls” it. But “running on a rake” - in other words, falling again and again into similar passions - how to deal with it?

I think that the development of one’s Self—the observing part—can be very useful here.

When we are completely captivated by something, we are dissolved in only one - out of many quite accessible to us - possibilities of perceiving reality. And we lose touch with our depth. With the Manager of the house of your soul. I want to suggest this to you - instead of cherishing your pain, or anger, or despair, or traces of childhood traumas, try, through the method indicated above, to simply meet your ability from a participant in your today’s tragedy to at least briefly turn into an observer. First, take a closer look—listen to yourself—which part of you is most involved in the situation that is traumatic for you now. This could be your inner child, whom any form of situational rejection plunges into the acute despair of abandonment. Or it could be the young feminine part of you that has often been wounded in adolescence. Or it could be you who needs recognition like air.

When you try to do such work, you definitely free yourself from the totality of your experience. And then you can, for example, say to yourself: “Yes, my little girl is now all in tears - she’s in pain, empty, lonely and scared. But this girl is only a small part of me - today. And I have quite adults who support me now my area life experience. That I can lean on to comfort my little self.”

In measures to save yourself from difficult emotions, I want to warn you against immediately switching to all sorts of different actions. When our feelings make us suffer, it’s a good way to “bustle” them, placing the energy of the experience in all sorts of ways of self-switching. Yes, of course, if you feel an inner emptiness from parting with your loved one, you can try to quickly fill it with someone else. But, if you are still filled with the content of the relationship with the one who left, you are in a new contact, instead of really trying to build it, you will try your best to “catch up - agree - complete” the previous relationship. And this new man will most likely fall into the transference of your perceptions - fears - of all the “unfinished things” of your past.

Yes, this is a sure way to eventually come to a disappointing conclusion like: “All men are the same!” And also: “I’m a poor baby!”

My suggestion is to live through your sorrows. By limiting their perception to one part of themselves. But to let her cry is to grieve. Supporting it with other sides of your Personality. First of all, with the participation of your Adult Observer.

Each grief has its own depth. But there is always a bottom. And you can flounder for a long time and tiresomely, trying to “jump out” of the experience, or you can simply accept your grieving part for today. Give her the opportunity to plunge into sadness, so that later, pushing off from the bottom, go up to new sensations of life. From my own experience I know that this method is the best way out of grief. Because it helps to end a traumatic situation. And - as a result - draw quite encouraging conclusions on how to cope with life in all its diversity in the future.

Lopatukhina Irina, practicing psychotherapist

Discussion

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Greetings readers. In this article I will tell you. We will talk about how not to give in to your feelings, your mood and state of mind, maintain a sober mind and accept right decisions, and not act “on emotions”. The article is quite large, since the topic requires it, this is even, in my opinion, the smallest thing that can be written on this topic, so you can read the article in several approaches. Here you will also find many links to other materials on my blog, and before you start studying them, I advise you to read this page to the end, and then delve into reading other articles via the links, since in this article I still skimmed the top "(You can open the materials via links in other tabs of your browser and then start reading).

So, before we talk about practice, let us talk about why we need to control emotions at all and whether it can be done at all. Are our feelings something beyond our control, something we can never cope with? Let's try to find out.

Feelings and emotions in culture

Western mass culture is thoroughly saturated with an atmosphere of emotional dictatorship, the power of feelings over the human will. In films, we constantly see how heroes, driven by passionate impulses, commit some crazy actions, and sometimes the entire plot is built on this. Movie characters quarrel, lose their tempers, get angry, shout at each other, sometimes even for no particular reason. Some uncontrollable whim often leads them to their goal, to their dream: be it a thirst for revenge, envy or a desire to have power. Of course, films are not entirely made up of this, I am not at all going to criticize them for this, because it is simply an echo of the culture, which is that emotions are often placed at the forefront.

This is especially evident in classical literature(and even classical music, not to mention the theater): past centuries were much more romantic than our era. Heroes classical works They were distinguished by a great emotional disposition: sometimes they fell in love, sometimes they stopped loving, sometimes they hated, sometimes they wanted to rule.

And so, between these emotional extremes, the stage of the hero’s life described in the novels took place. I will also not criticize the great classic books for this, they are wonderful works from the point of view of artistic value and they simply reflect the culture from which they were born.

But, nevertheless, this view of things, which we see in many works of world culture, is not only a consequence of the social worldview, but also indicates the further path of cultural movement. Such an exalted, obsequious attitude towards human emotions in books, music and films creates the belief that our feelings are not controlled, they are something that is beyond our control, they determine our behavior and our character, they are given to us by nature and we do not we can change nothing.

We believe that the entire individuality of a person comes down to just a set of passions, quirks, vices, complexes, fears and emotional impulses. We are used to thinking about ourselves in this manner: “I’m hot-tempered, I’m greedy, I’m shy, I’m nervous and I can’t help it.”

We constantly look for justification for our actions in our feelings, abdicating all responsibility: “Well, I acted on emotions; when I am irritated, I become uncontrollable; Well, that’s the kind of person I am, I can’t do anything about it, it’s in my blood, etc.” We treat our emotional world as an element beyond our control, a seething ocean of passions in which a storm will begin as soon as a slight breeze blows (after all, the same thing happens in the case of heroes of books and films). We easily follow the lead of our feelings, because we are who we are and it cannot be any other way.

Of course, we began to see this as the norm, even, moreover, dignity and virtue! We call excessive sensitivity and think of it almost as a personal merit of the bearer of such a “spiritual type”! We reduce the entire concept of great artistic skill to the level of depicting the movement of emotions, which is expressed in theatrical poses, elaborate gestures and demonstrations of mental torment.

We no longer believe that it is possible to gain control over ourselves, make conscious decisions, and not be a puppet of our desires and passions. Is there any serious basis for such a belief?

I think not. The inability to control feelings is a common myth generated by our culture and our psychology. It is possible to control emotions and this is supported by the experience of many people who have learned to be in harmony with their inner world, they managed to make feelings their allies, not overlords.

This article will talk about managing emotions. But I will talk not only about the control of emotions, such as anger, irritation, but also about the control of states (laziness, boredom) and uncontrollable physical needs, (lust, gluttony). Since it all has common ground. Therefore, if I further talk about emotions or feelings, by this I immediately mean all irrational human impulses, and not just the emotions themselves in the strict sense of the word.

Why do you need to control your emotions?

Of course, feelings can and should be managed. But why do this? It's very simple to become freer and happier. Emotions, if you don’t take control over them, take control, which is fraught with all sorts of rash actions that you later regret. They prevent you from acting wisely and correctly. Also, knowing about your emotional habits, it is easier for other people to control you: play on your pride, if you are vain, take advantage of your insecurities to impose your will.

Emotions are spontaneous and unpredictable; they can take you by surprise at the most crucial moment and interfere with your intentions. Imagine a faulty car that is still driving, but you know that at any moment something can break at high speed and this will lead to an inevitable accident. Will you feel confident driving such a car? Also, uncontrollable feelings can arise at any time and cause the most unpleasant consequences. Remember how much trouble you experienced due to the fact that you could not stop the excitement, calm the anger, overcome timidity and uncertainty.

The spontaneous nature of emotions makes it difficult to move towards long-term goals, since sudden impulses of the sensory world constantly introduce deviations into your life course, forcing you to turn in one direction or the other at the first call of passions. How can you realize your true purpose when you are constantly distracted by emotions?

In such a continuous rotation of sensory streams, it is difficult to find yourself, to realize your deepest desires and needs, which will lead you to happiness and harmony, since these streams constantly pull you into different sides, away from the center of your being!

Strong, uncontrollable emotions are like a drug that paralyzes the will and enslaves you.

The ability to control your emotions and states will make you independent (from your experiences and from the people around you), free and confident, will help you achieve your goals and achieve your goals, since feelings will no longer completely control your mind and determine your behavior.

In fact, it is sometimes very difficult to evaluate negative influence emotions affect our lives to the fullest, since every day we are under their power and looking through the veil of piled-up desires and passions seems to be quite difficult. Even our most ordinary actions carry an emotional imprint, and you yourself may not be aware of it. It can be very difficult to abstract from this state, but anyway, perhaps I will talk about this later.

What is the difference between managing emotions and suppressing emotions?

Meditate!

Meditation is a very valuable exercise for controlling emotions, developing willpower and awareness. Those who have been reading my blog for a long time may miss this, since I have already written about meditation in many articles, and here I will not write anything fundamentally new about it, but if you are new to my materials, then I strongly advise you to pay attention to this .

Of all that I have listed, meditation, in my opinion, is the most effective tool for controlling your state, both emotional and physical. Remember the equanimity of yogis and eastern sages who spent many hours in meditation. Well, since we are not yogis, it’s not worth meditating all day long, but you need to spend 40 minutes a day on it.

Meditation is not magic, not magic, not religion, it is the same proven exercise for your mind as physical exercise is for the body. Only meditation, unfortunately, is not so popular in our culture, which is a pity...

Managing emotions isn't just about stopping them. It is also necessary to maintain a state in which strong negative emotions simply do not arise or, if they do appear, they can be controlled by the mind. This is the state of calm, sober mind and peace that meditation gives you.

2 meditation sessions a day, over time, will teach you to manage your feelings much better, not to give in to passions and not to fall in love with vices. Try it and you will understand what I'm talking about. And most importantly, meditation will help you disengage from the constant emotional veil that envelops your mind and prevents you from taking a sober look at yourself and your life. This is the difficulty that I spoke about at the beginning. Regular meditation practice will help you cope with this task.

There is a whole article about this on my website and you can read it by following the link. I highly recommend doing this! This will make it much easier for you to achieve the task of finding harmony and balance with your inner world. Without this it will be very difficult!

What to do when emotions overcome?

Let's assume that you are overtaken by violent emotions that are difficult to cope with. What to do in such situations?

1. Realize that you are under the pressure of emotions, so you need to take action and not mess things up.
2. Calm down, relax (relaxing will help), remember that your actions now may be irrational due to the feelings overwhelming you, so postpone making decisions and conversations for another time. Calm down first. Try to soberly analyze the situation. Take responsibility for your feelings. Define this emotion within a general class (Ego, weakness, thirst for pleasure) or in a more specific form (pride, laziness, shyness, etc.).
3. Depending on the situation, either do the opposite of what your current state forces you to do. Or just ignore him, act as if he doesn't exist. Or simply take proactive measures so as not to do unnecessary nonsense (regarding this, I gave an example about the feeling of falling in love, at the beginning of the article: let it become a pleasant emotion, and not turn into an uncontrollable state that will push you to make decisions that you will later regret ).
4. Drive away all thoughts born of this emotion, do not bury your head in them. Even if you have successfully dealt with the initial emotional outburst, that is not all: you will still continue to be overcome by thoughts that bring your mind back to this experience. Forbid yourself to think about it: every time thoughts about a feeling come, drive them away. (for example, you were rude in a traffic jam, you don’t need to spoil your mood because of random rudeness, forbid yourself to think about all the injustice of this situation (stop the mental flow “he’s so and so to me, because he’s wrong...”), because this is stupid. Take a break. to music or other thoughts)

Try to analyze your emotions. What caused them? Do you really need these experiences or are they just getting in the way? Is it so smart to get angry over trifles, envy, gloat, be lazy and be despondent? Do you really need to constantly prove something to someone, try to be the best everywhere (which is impossible), strive to get as much as possible? more pleasure, laziness and grief? What will your life be like in the absence of these passions?

How will the lives of those close to you change when they stop being the target of your negative feelings? What will happen to your life if no one has malicious intentions towards you? Well, the latter is no longer entirely in your control (but only “not entirely”, I’m writing this article, which will be read by many people, which means I can do something about it ;-)), but you can still train yourself not to react to the surrounding negativity, let people who are filled with it keep it to themselves, instead of won't give it to you.

Don't put off this analysis until later. Train yourself to think and talk about your experiences from a position of reason and common sense. Every time, after a strong experience, think about whether you need it, what it gave you and what it took away, who it harmed, how it made you behave. Realize how much your emotions limit you, how they control you and force you to do things that you would never do in your right mind.

This is where I will end this long article about how to control your emotions. I wish you success in this matter. I hope all the material on my site will help you with this.

TOP best tips that will help you control your emotions with two clicks of your fingers. Take it into service!

What kind of feelings do we experience every day: joy, sadness, anger, tenderness, mistrust, admiration, envy and much more.

And if sensations with a plus sign need to be enjoyed for as long as possible, then negative guests should be sent away as quickly as possible.

And it’s even better not to let them into your heart at all.

This article will help you with this, emotion management.

Believe me, it’s not so difficult to tame your feelings, to make sure that they don’t lead you, but you lead them.

Do you need to control your emotions?

You probably know that all people are divided into psychotypes.

And, if, for example, extroverts instantly unleash their emotions on another person, acting absolutely thoughtlessly and often to their detriment, then introverts remain a closed book, hiding all their feelings inside.

Often people don’t even want to learn or pacify envy, or control anger, or extinguish anxiety, chalking it all up to: “Suck it up! That’s my character!”

Naturally, blaming innate data for your problems and difficulties is much easier than taking a course: “ How to manage emotions"and put in a little effort.

Don't underestimate the destructive power of negative feelings.

Psychologists have long described their danger to humans:

From simple excitement to a state of passion, the path is not as long as it might seem to you at first glance.

Just think, you were angry with your husband, who once again threw his socks not into the laundry basket, but under the bed. They screwed themselves up and ran to sort things out.

And the husband, instead of the standard: “Sorry!” muttered something like: “Take it and put it away yourself, they don’t bother me.”

It’s good if everything turns into a banal quarrel and does not end in crime.

Most domestic crimes happen over small things.

Inability control emotions will lead to problems with others.

Even if your parents, friends, husband/wife, colleagues love you very much, sooner or later they will get tired of your imbalance, which means you are at risk.

If you were unable to immediately cope with a negative emotion and carried it within yourself for some time, then it has left its mark.

With each new negative, the trace will begin to increase, and soon you will be surrounded by negative energy, and this muck, as you know, has never brought anything good to anyone.

The inability to control emotions is one of the signs of human mental disorders.

Yes, yes, no matter how scary it may sound.

It’s one thing if you just lost your temper, but quite another if every little thing provokes you into an outburst.

In this case, it is better to see a specialist.

Bosses are wary of people who express their feelings too violently, not only negative, but also positive.

No one will entrust the management of a company or the management of an important contract to an unbalanced type, which means you can forget about a good career.

How to control emotions?

When you feel bad, you forget about everything... And when you feel good, even more so... We have generally become somehow surprisingly insensitive. And emotionless. Only tragedy, catastrophe can awaken feelings in us - and not always. And when everything is good, we simply don’t notice it, we don’t rejoice in what we have... We simply don’t have time to notice it.
Oleg Roy. Mothers and daughters, or vacations in Atyashevo.

If your foot is stepped on public transport, they were rude in the store, a colleague responded rudely, etc., do not give free rein to your first instinct: to rush into battle.

Slowly count to 10 in your head, after “ten” you will no longer want to be rude or make a scandal.

Every time you go shopping at the market, do you come back irritated because you again had a row with one of the sellers?

Buy groceries in a supermarket, through an online store, ask your husband or mother to take on this unpleasant responsibility for you.

The emotion that arises.

Imagine the anger arising in you in the form of fire, and then imagine how a powerful wave hits it, leaving not even a coal behind.

Do this exercise regularly and it will be easier to “put out” negative emotions each time.

Learn to feel sorry for the one who caused you negative emotions.

Well, just look at your boss, who regularly drives you crazy.

A sick old woman, without a husband, without a family, clings to this job because no one is waiting for her at home except cats.

Yes, her only joy is to provoke you to anger. So why not deprive her of her last joy?

Deal with conflicts correctly.

A woman pushed you in the minibus and instead of apologizing, she said something rude.

Spit!

After two stops you will get off and never see this boorish woman again, and she will remain a fat uneducated woman with a bunch of s.....

All people experience negative emotions, but some people cope with them easily, switching in a timely manner or giving them a way out.

And someone keeps them inside, constantly accumulating them, which leads to stress and various psychosomatic diseases. And if you are one of these people, then you should learn to manage your emotions and learn to cope with them. How can this be done? you'll find out now.

In order to cope with negative emotions you need to use the following techniques:

1. Forgive

If the cause of your negative experiences is resentment, then psychologists say: “I’m sorry.” You will immediately feel better. Naturally, once will not be enough. If your grievances are strong, then practice forgiveness regularly for 1-2 months. Small grievances can be forgiven after 1-5 meditations.

Here are the most effective exercises for grievances:

1. Take a sheet of paper. And write a few letters to your offender. In the first, throw out all the pain, in the rest, try to forgive. Then burn the paper.

2. Use prayers.

3. If your imagination works well, do the following exercise. Choose a time and place where you can be alone with yourself. Sit down and relax. Then imagine a black hole that sucks in all your thoughts. It is important to calm them down.

When your mind and body are ready, count from 7 to 1 and close your eyes. Imagine that you are walking along the sea coast. Is there anyone there? Except you. You enjoy the walk, the sound of the sea. You stop and express your intention to forgive such and such a person. You see how he approaches you and you stand or sit opposite each other. Look into his eyes, take his hands and say out loud:

"I forgive you for..." Remember all the painful moments and let them go. Then say goodbye to this person. And swim in the sea, feeling how it takes away all the negativity and transforms it into good.

4. If you believe in magic, then you can try ritual practices.

The simplest one:

1. Create a circle.

2. Call on patrons.

3. Ask for their help in forgiveness.

4. Light a black candle. Pre-charge it for your goal, for liberation from resentment.

5. Write on paper “getting rid of grievances”

6. Say the affirmation of forgiveness 108 times.

7. Burn the sheet.

8. Thank the gods.

9. Complete the circle.

Some esotericists believe that it is impossible to forgive offenses. They are recommended to be returned to the offender.

They explain it this way:

The fact is that when people hurt you, they send energy waves into you. And you “swallow” them. By forgiving others, you actually push negativity deeper into yourself.

What should I do? Return the negative to the person who sent it. Or simply “drain” it into fire, water, earth, asking to be transformed into love.

In the first case, take a black plate. Burn the sheet of paper in which you poured out the pain. Then scatter the ashes into the wind, saying: “Go back to where it came from.”

In the second option, the resentment can be released into water, burned in fire, sent to the wind or buried in the ground, while it is important to keep the focus on the intention of transforming it into good energies.

Which theory is correct? Both. To each according to faith.

2.Splash it onto paper

Get yourself a notebook and write every day everything that you want to throw out from your soul. Then you can burn your notes or tear them up. Such a diary helps not only to free yourself from unnecessary worries, but also to understand why something happens in your life. Just in addition to just venting, do some introspection.

3.Express in dance

Turn on some upbeat music and let your body go. Let one move the way he wants. It helps a lot.

You can add a positive attitude to the dance by saying, for example, the phrase: “I let go of the negative.”

4.Shout

If you can afford to shout without disturbing other people, do it. Turn on the music louder and free yourself from negative emotions. Just don't overdo it. Otherwise the pressure may rise. 5-10 minutes is enough.

You can do a similar practice in a forest or field.

When freeing yourself from anger at home, to intensify the exercise, hit pillows. If you have a pear, great. Knock on it. A safer option is to just cry. The main thing is not to suppress emotions, but to let them go.

It’s also worth saying something here. You shouldn't feel guilty about your shadow side. Know that you have a right to be angry. Everything is dual. There is no such thing as only positive things. Anger is also right. Tell yourself: “Yes, I’m angry. I have the right to be.” Well, let it all out, cry, scream, etc.

5. Play sports.

Running, brisk walking, punching bags, or abdominal exercises can also help. If you this method closer, it's great. Use it to your advantage. You can also use calmer practices, such as yoga. It perfectly calms the mind and harmonizes body and soul. Exercise regularly.

6. Nature

There is no better cure for destructive experiences than a walk through a forest, field or river bank. Nature is indispensable in healing emotions, and it also fills you with energy.

7. Temples

For believers, a temple is a wonderful place of power; it has a healing effect on the soul. If you are irritable or worried difficult time attend church more often. After it you feel some kind of light inside yourself. You can also order a magpie for yourself and those people who cause negative feelings in you.

7. Candles

Candle magic has been used since ancient times. If you are overcome by dark thoughts or emotions, light a candle and contemplate its flame. Imagine how the fire burns away pain, guilt or other negativity.

8.Creativity

You can throw out negativity with the help of drawing; art therapy is used by many psychologists in working with the soul. You can also write stories and poems with a positive ending.

Thought is the beginning of everything

In order to prevent negative emotions from taking over you, you need to switch from bad to good in a timely manner. As soon as you catch yourself having destructive thoughts, immediately change them to the opposite. This will be difficult to do at first. But regular training will develop in you the habit of thinking positively or neutrally.

Meditation techniques are very helpful for managing emotions. Learn to relax and calm your mind. Do 1 meditation daily for 10-30 minutes. This will help you cope with negative emotions. Simple relaxation will also help.

Or try breathing exercises. They are very useful not only for managing your emotions, but also for the health of the entire body.

Fatigue away.

People who are tired have a harder time controlling their emotional background. Therefore, find time to relax. Don't betray yourself for false purposes and don't be victims. Life is given to be happy, to do what brings you positive energy. Be sure to keep your focus on pleasure. Fool around, travel, watch movies.

Overcoming Guilt

Guilt is a destructive emotion that destroys you. You should get rid of it. To do this, you can apply previously learned forgiveness techniques. Plus work with thoughts. As soon as you start blaming yourself for something, tell yourself: “everything is so, everything is correct.”

Know that the feeling of guilt is artificial, it was created for the purpose of controlling you. A person who believes that he has done something wrong is easy to manipulate.

Know that you live as best you know how. And they did what they could. Don't get stuck on the past. On your mistakes. Let them go. And move forward with a pure heart, living as you see fit. Making mistakes is also right. It's part of life. Without this there would be no great achievements. Mistakes teach you to become smarter and wiser.

Managing Fear

Fear is another emotion that you should learn to manage. And the only working method to do this is to leave your comfortable space, go towards what you are afraid of.

This is the only way you will gain strength.

Oh those patterns

To manage emotions, it is important to know the reason for their appearance. Behind them are your patterns. This term is used in the Teutsch technique. He identified 14 key success lessons that affect our lives.

Patterns are overcome through reflection.

For example, you caught yourself being annoyed by a certain person. According to Toychu, this is a pattern of love for people. You may be hostile towards others and get irritated for one reason or another.

As soon as you catch yourself doing this, tell yourself:

“Name, are you being hostile to others again? In fact, this person has the right to be himself, he has the right to his reactions, to his opinion.”

By working in this direction, you will correct your perception and stop experiencing negative emotions.

If there is a breakdown

Don't get stuck in your feelings. Breakdowns are normal. The main thing is to recognize them in a timely manner and move on.

That is, first you should accept that you are out of balance. Secondly learn lessons. And thirdly, let go, move forward.

And also don’t forget to find the reason for your negative experiences. Ask yourself: “Why am I angry (angry, offended...)” and “What can I do to correct this situation?” Answer these questions and take action.

How we succeed in life is largely determined by our emotional intelligence: our ability to motivate ourselves and persist in achieving goals, to control impulses and delay gratification, to control our moods and not allow suffering to deprive us of the ability to think, empathize and hope.

The books “Emotional Intelligence” and “Emotional Flexibility” tell you how to learn to control your emotions. We publish some interesting thoughts and useful tips from them.

Emotions and Reason

Name Homo sapiens- a reasonable person is misleading. We all know from experience that when it comes to making decisions and determining courses of action, feelings often play a larger role than thinking.

All emotions are essentially instantaneous action programs that evolution has gradually instilled in us. Actually, the root of the word “emotion” is Latin verb moveo, meaning “to move, set in motion.”

This evolutionary adaptation served us well when we were daily threatened by snakes, lions, and hostile neighboring tribes. When faced with a predator or enemy, primitive man I didn’t have time for abstract thinking: “I’m in danger. What options do I have?” Instantly flaring up anger or fear provided decisive chances for survival.

Fortunately, in modern world most of the problems we face are vague and distant in time. It’s no longer “Ah-ah!” Snake!". This is “Will they fire me?”, “Will my savings be enough for my old age?” But because of our close connection to emotions, our thoughts can trigger an automatic response of anxiety, fear, and a sense of immediate threat.

In a sense, we have two different faculties of thinking: rational and emotional. And both of them are important. We do not at all need to get rid of emotions and put reason in their place; it would be better to try to find a balance between them, to establish harmony between the head and heart.

Emotional flexibility

Even if a situation makes you angry, anxious, or sad, you can control your behavior. By choosing how to react to a stimulus, a person realizes his opportunity for development and his freedom.

Emotionally flexible people do not give negative feelings unsettle them; on the contrary, they only move more confidently - along with all their “cockroaches” - towards the most ambitious goals.

Many are looking for a solution to their emotional problems in books or courses on self-development, but the problem is that such programs often present work on oneself completely incorrectly. Those that call for positive thinking are especially far from reality. It is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to force yourself into happy thoughts.

You can’t brush aside unpleasant feelings, but you shouldn’t dwell on them either. There is a third approach: openly, with interest and without criticism, accept all your emotions.When we are truly ready to recognize and accept our inner problems, sooner or later even the worst demons will recede. Often it is enough to look fears in the face and articulate them for them to lose their power.

Emotional flexibility is a process that allows you to live in the present, understanding when you should or should not change your behavior in order to remain in alignment with your intentions and values. This process does not mean that you ignore difficult experiences and thoughts. No, you simply stop clinging to them, consider them without fear or criticism, and then accept them in order to let grandiose changes for the better into your life.

Distance yourself and learn to recognize your feelings

Separate your thoughts and feelings from yourself and consider with an open mind: you think about this and experience that, but you are not your thoughts and feelings. This creates the same gap between feelings and reaction to them. If there is this gap, we are able to become aware of complex and unpleasant emotions immediately at the moment of their occurrence and choose how to react to them.

Observation from the outside does not allow fleeting experiences to take over us. By distancing ourselves, we discover a broader picture of what is happening - we learn to see ourselves as a chessboard on which countless games can be played, and not as a piece with a strictly limited set of moves.A cool awareness of violent or violent feelings is the maximum that introspection gives. At a minimum, it manifests itself in the ability to distance itself from the experience.

Self-awareness is a neutral mode of operation in which self-awareness remains even in the midst of a stormy sea of ​​emotions. There is an obvious difference, for example, between states when one person is simply terribly angry with another, and when the same person thinks: “But I’m furious.” This is the first step to establishing some control.

Self-awareness has a more powerful effect on strong hostile feelings. Once you think: “But I feel anger,” a greater freedom of choice will arise - not only not to be guided by it in your actions, but also, in addition, to try to get rid of it.

Manage your emotions

Extremes—emotions that build up too intensely or for too long—undermine our stability. Once out of control, they turn into pathological ones, as with paralyzing depression, insurmountable anxiety, raging anger, manic excitement.

Of course, a person does not have to be happy all the time. Ups and downs, although they give life a peculiar spice, must remain in balance. It is the ratio of positive and negative emotions that determines the feeling of well-being - as evidenced by the results of studies of the mood of hundreds of men and women.

The goal is to gain peace of mind, and not suppression of emotions: each feeling is valuable and important in its own way. But when emotions are extremely strong and last longer than a certain acceptable time limit, they gradually turn into painful extreme forms.

The brain is designed in such a way that we very often have little or no control over the moment when we are overcome by any emotion, and we have no control over which emotion will capture us. But we can have some influence on how long it lasts.

Fury

Imagine someone unexpectedly cuts you off on the expressway. If your first thought is “What a son of a bitch!”, this almost certainly means that you will soon be overcome by a fit of rage.

You grip the steering wheel with all your might. Your body is mobilizing for battle: you are shaking, drops of sweat appear on your forehead, your heart is pounding and ready to jump out of your chest, an angry grimace is frozen on your face. You are ready to kill the villain. Then, if the driver of the car behind you honks his horn impatiently, you can, maddened by rage, attack him at the same time. Anger grows on anger, and the emotional brain “heats up” more and more, and as a result, rage, not restrained by reason, easily turns into violence.

For comparison, consider another process of increasing rage with a more merciful attitude towards the driver who cut you off: “Maybe he didn’t notice me, or maybe he had some good reason for driving so carelessly, for example, someone urgently required medical care" Such thoughts dilute anger with compassion, or at least force one to look at what happened without prejudice.

To stop the chain of indignant thoughts that support rage, you first need to destroy the beliefs that feed it. Reflections add fuel to the fire. But a different way of looking at things will extinguish the flame. One of the most effective ways to completely calm anger is to describe the situation again, but from a different point of view.

Try to grasp the thoughts that cause waves of anger and doubt their correctness, since it is this initial assessment that reinforces and maintains the first outbreak of rage, and subsequent ones only fan the fire.The sooner you stop the anger cycle, the greater the effect you can achieve.

There is another way to calm down. To “cool passions”, in the physiological sense - release from the surge of adrenaline, requires an environment that does not involve additional mechanisms for inciting rage. For example, during a dispute, you need to stop communicating with your opponent for a while.

Vigorous exercise also helps a lot against anger. Various relaxation methods, such as deep breathing and muscle relaxation, have no less effect. They change the physiology of the body, transferring it from a state of high to a state of low arousal.

However, not a single method of calming down will work if you go through thoughts that provoke anger in your head one after another: each such thought in itself is a small trigger for the gradual activation of irritation.

Anxiety

Anxiety appears seemingly out of nowhere, is uncontrollable, creates a constant noise of anxiety, is inaccessible to reason and can ultimately result in real fear neuroses, including various kinds of phobias, obsessive-compulsive states and panic attacks.

Most people with anxiety seem unable to shift their attention to anything else. The reason is associated with frequent anxiety, which becomes extremely intense and becomes a habit.

There are several simple measures that can help even the most incorrigible worriers control this habit. The first step is self-awareness. We need to track anxiety-producing episodes as close to the beginning as possible, ideally as soon as or immediately after a fleeting image of a catastrophe starts the anxiety cycle.

It is necessary to learn to identify situations that cause anxiety, or fleeting thoughts and images that stimulate it. Having noticed the beginning of anxiety, you can use different relaxation methods, abouthowever, this is not enough.

If you're struggling with worrying thoughts, the first thing you can do is learn how to confront them head-on.Try to take a critical position in relation to your predictions: is it likely that the event that frightens you will actually happen? Is there only one scenario? Can any constructive steps be taken? Will it really help you to endlessly ruminate on the same anxious thoughts?

If anxiety is not prevented from returning again and again, it will acquire the “power of persuasion.” And if you fight back, considering several equally probable options, then you will stop naively accepting every disturbing thought as truth. The combination of thoughtfulness and healthy skepticism will act as a brake and stop the nervous excitement that fuels mild anxiety.

On the other hand, people whose anxiety has become so severe that it has developed into a phobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder or panic attack might be wiser - as a sign of self-awareness - to seek help from medicines to interrupt the loop.

Melancholy

Self-hatred, feelings of worthlessness, despair, inability to mentally focus, insomnia, feeling as uncaring as a zombie are just a few of the manifestations of depression.

Most people with this serious condition will benefit from psychotherapy, as well as medication. But with ordinary sadness, the upper limit of which reaches the level of “asymptomatic depression,” people can cope on their own.

One of the main factors determining whether a depressed state will persist or dissipate is the degree of immersion in despondency. The standard scenario: isolate yourself from everyone and everything and think about how terrible you feel.

People in a depressed mood sometimes evaluate their reflections as an attempt to “understand themselves better”; in reality, they feed their despondency without taking any steps to actually help themselves.

One of the most powerful remedies for depression is changing the way you look at things. It's so natural to mourn the end of a relationship and wallow in self-pity. A sure way to make your feelings of despair worse! However, if you step back and think about why your relationship was not as strong and lasting and why you and your partner were not suitable for each other, in other words, look at the loss differently and try to learn a valuable lesson, you will find a cure for sadness.

Here are some more ways to improve your mood:

1. The most popular tactic for fighting depression is socializing—going out to eat, go to a baseball game, or go to the movies—in short, activities you can do with friends or family. All this works very well if the end result is to get rid of sad thoughts.

2. Aerobics is also an effective means of helping to lift a person out of mild depression.

3. A constructive method for improving your mood is to organize a modest victory or easy success: you can, for example, energetically take on a long-delayed general cleaning of the entire house or finally do some other things that have long needed to be put in order.

4. There is another effective way to get out of depression - to help those who find themselves in difficult circumstances. Depression is fueled by self-thinking and preoccupation with one's own interests. Helping others takes us away from these worries because we connect deeply with the feelings of people experiencing suffering.

Motivation

Controlling your emotions—delaying gratification and suppressing impulsivity—is at the core of all achievement. People who master this art tend to be more productive and successful in whatever they undertake.

The impulsive, reward-seeking system in our brain (passion) constantly comes into conflict with rational long-term goals (reason).

For example, you decide that you will eat more healthy products. But then you notice a delicious chocolate mousse in the dessert window. There is activity in the area of ​​the brain associated with pleasure. Oh, how much you want this chocolate mousse! But no, you remind yourself. It is forbidden.

While you are working up the courage to refuse dessert, the area of ​​the brain associated with self-control is activated. When both of these areas are active, the brain is literally fighting with itself - and we decide whether to have dessert or abstain. What complicates matters is that more primitive instincts have a head start. The brain encourages certain solutions even before willpower makes itself felt at all.

Our brains are designed to allow primitive impulses to take precedence over thoughtful judgments, but fortunately, one small adjustment can save you.We can formulate our goals using the word “want” rather than “should” or “should”. When we change our motivation in this way, we no longer need to worry about whether passions or reason win in the confrontation - our “I” is in harmony.

Want goals reflect a person’s true interests and values. We pursue such goals because we get pleasure from it, because the goal is important to us in itself or is perceived by us as an integral part of the personality. And most importantly, we chose these goals ourselves.

In contrast, should-goals have an external origin: either they are instilled in us by a persistent relative (“It’s time for you to lose fat!”), or we are obliged to follow them by a subconscious script or external goal, usually associated with the need to avoid shame (“Lord, I looks like a dirigible! I can’t go to a wedding with sides like that!”).

You may be driven to eat healthier out of fear, shame, or concern about your appearance. Or you can choose a healthy diet because you think health a necessary condition in order to feel good and enjoy life.

Need-motivation greatly increases temptation, because you feel that you are limited or deprived of something. Although it will encourage change for the better for a while, sooner or later your resolve will waver. There will inevitably be times when impulse overtakes intention.

By adjusting your motivation, you will no longer be powerless against temptation. Want-motivation reduces the automatic craving for stimuli that can lead you away from your chosen path (previous love, the shine of a glass of cocktail on a waiter’s tray), and pushes you towards a line of behavior that will really help you get closer to your goal.

Based on books