: From disappointment and pain I want to howl like a wolf!

Hello! All the men I've dated include a little bag of quirks and problems. All meetings happen almost the same way.

The first week is spent with romantic dinners and gatherings by the water, looking at the stars. We drink champagne and I find out that my eyes are like two emeralds, my curls are like those of a goddess, and my legs are naturally more beautiful than those of a Playboy cover model. A little later - the first night of love, coffee in bed and a declaration of love. A couple more weeks pass and my dear one begins to take his ill-fated suitcase to our meetings. Gradually I learn the contents of this reticule. It turns out that my beloved has a thousand shortcomings.

At first, I close my eyes to all this and tell myself that we are all not perfect, and even when shortcomings develop into huge problems, I continue to hope that everything is not so bad. The first man I took seriously turned out to be terribly self-confident. After meeting my parents, my dad asked me not to bring this self-confident peacock again so that he wouldn’t be able to stand it a second time.

The second was a former drug addict with severe mental disorders. Screams and Bad mood was the daily menu. The third one had Mom in his suitcase. They lived together their entire lives. Mom did everything for her son, washed, washed, cleaned, cooked and did not forget to blow away the specks of dust from him. I soon learned that my mother does all the shopping, from shampoos (for sensitive hair) to clothes and underwear. Now imagine what a scarlet flower I got! Mom was always and everywhere right; you couldn’t even think badly about her. Well, mom, in turn, is ready to gnaw the throat of anyone who encroaches on her cat.

The fourth handsome man wanted to put me at home behind seven locks. I was strictly forbidden to wear short skirts, talk to men, leave the house alone, or even work. He claimed that everyone was trying to deceive us and ruin our relationships. You can't trust even your closest friends. In a word, he turned out to be paranoid and a terrible egoist. These are not all examples of my ex-boyfriends. I tried not to pay attention to the problems, but it didn’t last long. Almost everything was tried; scandals, pleas and tears were useless. Having suffered enough, I decided to leave, and believe me, it was not very easy. Naturally, they asked to give them another chance, and I gave it, but this did not solve the problem. I always experienced breakups very strongly and never stopped believing in happiness.

Now I have once again broken up with my loved one. I have very strong feelings for him, but not understanding each other outweighed everything. We stayed together for a year, but fate once again played a cruel joke on me. I had almost lost hope of meeting the right person for me. Many of my friends say that I'm wrong, you have to fight for love, loving person never gives up. They also understand that it is terrible to live with a person who does not understand you, with someone who makes you cry at night and with someone who does not notice anything around him. Do I really have to endure all the humiliation and scandals?!

Am I really wrong in breaking up with all the men, but I’ve been trying for a long time to change anything. I’m just tired of fighting, always fighting for the right to simple human happiness... I tried for a long time to understand what is better: to live in an eternal struggle or - without problems, but also without love. The choice always fell on loneliness, but now I'm starting to doubt the correctness of my decision!

I want to howl like a wolf from disappointment and pain!
[email protected]

Olga-WWWoman: Hello Loya! I don’t know if I can console you if I express my opinion: a beautiful, bright, interesting and extraordinary woman’s youth, as a rule, is stormy and full of trial and error. You take your time, you are natural and organic. Through pain and disappointment, you will come to wholeness, your shell will grow, you will determine your tastes, and you will learn the secrets of the relationship between a man and a woman. If you are given the ability to be reborn and remain yourself without breaking your essence, everything will be fine in the end. You will become stronger, more interesting and even more attractive. And there will definitely be someone worthy who recognizes your right to be yourself, who will treat you properly, who will value you, love and understand you. In the meantime, the throwing of beads on your part continues, but negative experience is also valuable. Don't lose hope, believe in yourself, accumulate strength and success. I wish you good luck and fulfillment of your cherished desires! Marina: MeI am increasingly thinking that I have connected my life with the wrong person. Olya, good afternoon! I have been reading your magazine for three years now. I read the letters of your readers and your answers, it’s rare to meet such a responsive interlocutor as you, delving so deeply into other people’s problems. I didn’t think that I would ever write to you, but now I am at some crossroads.

Briefly about myself: I will soon turn 30 years old, I have a husband (we will soon celebrate 10 years of marriage) and a beloved son (8 years old). But there is a problem: my husband has always been very unrestrained, at the age of 20 this manifested itself in very frequent quarrels, during pregnancy I cried every day, he lived his life, showing no interest in me at all (though then we lived with my parents, namely this is how he explains his behavior), now we have a good apartment, I have a good job: interesting, well paid for our region, but my husband started having hysterics for another reason: he is very jealous, just goes crazy, gets drunk (with beer) and starts screaming.

I can take screams calmly, I’ve learned not to take them to heart, but so far this does not concern my interests. Now a pressing question has arisen: in order to maintain my place in the company, and especially to rise even higher, I must constantly improve my professional level(the requirements in the company are getting higher), but my husband interferes with me in every possible way, I can’t leave home for a single day, moreover, I can’t even study in our city.

I convinced my husband that he needs to study if he wants to achieve anything in this life, he never saw the need for this, a year ago he finally decided to enroll, I help him with all my might, I write tests, I help him prepare for exams . He believes that my studies will interfere with his studies, and promises to quit his studies as soon as I enroll.

At work I was offered a very good trip abroad to a conference, but he promises that if I leave, he will: 1) quit his studies (he has a session during this period), 2) drink (and we have a child), etc. .d. etc.

I don’t know what to do, I’m increasingly thinking that I’ve connected my life with the wrong person, at the same time, it’s very scary to be left alone with a child. I am in turmoil, I could lose either my job or my husband, but I don’t want to lose either. Everyone advises me to go, no matter what (similar offers do not come twice), my husband does not understand that I can refuse the trip and study, but I will never forgive him for this.

I don’t know what to do, maybe you can advise me something, although I can imagine how many letters you receive per day, and with much more serious problems. I hope I didn't distract you too much. Marina.

Olga-WWWoman: Hello, Marina! My opinion: this is growing pains. You have long outgrown your husband, and he will never forgive you for this either. Instead of rolling up his sleeves and proving that he, too, can grow and develop, he is panicked that you will soon understand that he is not a match for you. I cannot take on such serious responsibility and advise you something specific, but, imagining myself in your place, I can roughly outline the line of my possible behavior. I think I would take a risk and go - after all, your professional success, which you have been achieving for a long time, persistently and through a lot of work, is at stake. I would tell him something like this: “The issue is resolved - I need to go, and not for myself alone, but so that our family and our child in the future have confidence in the future. I cannot stop halfway and sign for in my powerlessness, tell my boss: my husband is an unreliable person and I can’t leave my child with him even for a week. So I’ll go and do what I have to do not only for myself. And please don’t let me down. you think that my efforts can be nullified by whims and ultimatums - then if you do not justify my trust and disappoint me upon your return, I will have to seriously think about our future relationship. If you don’t want a divorce, help me and support me. If you don’t care, then. and I will act accordingly." Marina, and be sure to ask someone to look after your son - you never know, I hope you have someone to look after him, if anything happens, because leaving the boy in unreliable hands is dangerous. I wish you to find a decent way out and not be afraid of anything. The moment you stop being afraid of loneliness and realize its great advantages, then your family will begin to strengthen and acquire positive changes, believe me. Good luck and good luck again! Valeria: He doesn’t kiss me (continuation of the first letter): Olenka, hello. Thanks for your opinion and support. It was important for me to hear that he was not indifferent to me. However, the situation continues - sometimes calls from him, he is now away on business for a while, so I don’t see him. He will arrive in a week, he will probably call: to invite him to go out with his friends or to look at new photos, and again nothing else. I like him more and more - he behaves absolutely freely and politely, but on the contrary, because of these misunderstandings and my growing dependence, I am constrained. And I feel, I think he's losing interest a little bit. Or maybe I'm just afraid of it. The matter is aggravated by the fact that I am now without a job, in search, but his work is all right, he has little free time. Of course, social status leaves its mark - a busy person is always calmer, but I am not independent, it turns out. Who would like a non-working person?.. Am I depressed or what? I'm so tired of leaving... I wouldn't want to lose him. Can you suggest a line of conduct on my part? How not to lose him, not to scare him away. Sorry to bother you, but what a blessing it is that you still exist.

Olga-WWWoman: Hello, Valeria! Yes, I am, you are always welcome to listen, but every time you have to transform yourself... :-) It is sometimes difficult to express an opinion without having all the information. But, given that, first of all, you just want to talk about yourself, about your boyfriend, I can keep the conversation going and speculate a little. So: I think that, of course, you and him are now in different weight categories: he is busy and very busy, you are a pleasant reward for him in moments of rest, and you are not working and are free, all thoughts are about him, and so on. .. Be that as it may, take your time and take your time. He looks closely, evaluates, weighs. Be on point, sometimes refuse, sometimes be late; there is no employment and other interests - at least create the appearance, otherwise very soon he will lose all interest. Good luck! Irina Nikolaeva, Moscow: Culture is not a list of attractions, museums, exhibitions, etc. Olga, hello! I read articles in your magazine by Elena Wyeth (USA) and Natalia Tkachenko (USA) about culture in America. Elena’s thoughts are closer to me, but Natalya also writes the right things. And yet, something wouldn’t let me go, made me think and think, something was ripening and, in the end, giving up all my household chores halfway through, I sat down at the computer and wrote this:

Culture is not a list of attractions, museums, exhibitions, etc. This, it seems to me, is ATTITUDE. People’s attitude towards the world around them, acceptance and perception of it as it is. Perception and vision of this world through the eyes of other people - after all, everyone lives and sees in their own way.

And you can see a lot. You just need to wish for yourself - to see... ...A teenager on a garden bench, playing on a wooden horn a tune that gently sounds in its simplicity... ....A cast iron openwork antique grate - at the sidewalk of a street filled with the roar of cars and the crowd of people... .... Muzzles and chimeras, elegant patterns of capitals, stone medallions on ancient Moscow mansions - just raise your face and look beyond the barrier of billboards... This is the applause that arose after watching a Mel Gibson film in the dark space of the cinema: but this is the last one, the night session and the audience - fifteen to seventeen-year-old residents of the metropolis, who are unlikely to be surprised or touched by anything... This is when a nine-year-old child, listening to tango performed by violins, cellos and violas, says to his mother sitting next to him: “Rush”... When the audience stands up and applauds the passerby chairs for the old actress, and a man from the back row comes out and kisses her hand... ... When a gaggle of seventh-graders are rushing not to a disco (they'll go there later!), but to an exhibition of miniatures in the Pushkin Museum...

And I want to say one more thing - your magazine is wonderful. He makes WOMEN out of housewives, or rather, makes them remember what they are and who they are :)))
Sincerely, Irina Nikolaeva, Moscow
[email protected]

Olga-WWWoman: Hello, Irina! Thank you for your interesting and intelligent letter. I’ll say about housewives: it’s not me who makes women out of them, they have always been, only sometimes life makes you forget about your spiritual and other interests for the sake of taking care of your family. I probably, with my magazine, give them the opportunity to somehow fill the communication gap, and, without leaving home, get at least some generalized information on the Internet every day, sometimes equal in volume to the information of a sociable person. free man. And God grant that our club - with all its articles, letters, stories, confessions - makes each of us happier, at least one iota.

You wrote simply great about culture. I completely agree, you added several important facets to our overall view of it. And for me, culture is intelligent, attentive Leningraders (St. Petersburg), always showing the way, this is Dmitry Likhachev, this is anti-rudeness, goodwill, respect, tact, understanding and preservation of everything that represents the high achievements of the human spirit, creativity, talent. And every day is a dream of not littering, not shouting obscenities in my ear on the streets of my beloved city, not throwing mud at worthy people in the yellow press, not being jealous and not meddling in other people’s lives.

The beauty and harmony of architecture is a textbook of culture, and the understanding and acceptance of classical music is an indicator of spirituality and good taste; knowledge of world literature - spiritual and intellectual baggage; love for the paintings of masters - a craving for the beautiful and harmonious; love of ballet and dance - admiration for the spiritual beauty of the human body; good manners, politeness and courtesy are an indicator of the culture of the family in which a person grew up. And it seems to me that this word still has so many facets that millions of volumes are not enough to cover everything...

Thank you again for making a brave attempt to speak on such a complex and broad topic.

Have a good day everyone, we will definitely continue tomorrow!ATTENTION!
Dear readers and members of our women's club! If you want to ask a question or write a letter, be sure to indicate under what name and email address publish your message to the WOMEN'S CLUB. If there are no wishes regarding changes (non-publication) of your name and email address in the letter, then your question, confession, letter, response will be published under the name and address that were originally indicated in your letter. If you send a response to the editor, be sure to indicate date, author's name and topic of publication ARCHIVE OF THE RUBRIC "YOUR LETTERS" FOR 2003 ARCHIVE OF THE RUBRIC "YOUR LETTERS" FOR 2002

Most of us have heard stories of women suffering from postpartum depression. Almost all pregnant women and their families fear that this could happen to them. However, only 0.2% of women suffer from severe depression. Approximately 80% of new mothers experience some degree of depression and cry a lot during the first days and weeks after childbirth, and 10% are somewhere in the middle: they experience emotional problems longer, but these problems are not so serious and do not require long-term treatment.

Postpartum depression and hormones

Childbirth is accompanied by a feeling of euphoria that cannot be compared with anything else in life. It’s worth giving birth just to experience this wonderful feeling of relief and relaxation. Mom then enjoys a well-deserved rest and wakes up, refreshed, with the feeling that the world is beautiful.

Temporary tearfulness and feelings of disappointment often appear in the first days after childbirth, especially while the woman is still in the hospital. That’s why this condition is called “three-day sadness.”

During this period, a number of psychological and hormonal changes occur. There may be pain from postoperative sutures, discomfort due to full breasts, and when the uterus contracts, bloody discharge appears - lochia: everything that the body has created over the past nine months comes out. The stomach looks like an empty bag, and the skin on it looks like corrugated paper.

At the same time, the hormones estrogen, progesterone and human chorionic gonadotropin, which were necessary during pregnancy, are replaced by oxytocin and prolactin, lactation hormones. As a result of hormonal changes after childbirth, a woman may suffer from sudden mood swings, from irritability to depression, from excess energy to apathy - just like during the premenstrual period and menopause.

A few days after the birth of our first child, my husband came to my maternity hospital and found me sitting on the floor in tears, among scattered things. And all because I couldn’t find a hairbrush in my bag!

Such changes, which are the result of the monstrous physical and emotional efforts expended during pregnancy and childbirth, normally disappear within a few days.

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Discharge from the maternity hospital and “three-day sadness”

Dr. Ulla Waldenström from Uppsala University (Sweden) associates the appearance of apathy and emotional instability with discharge from the maternity hospital. Her research shows that “three-day sadness” is strongest a day or two after returning from the hospital.

There is a certain logic in this: it may seem that spending a few extra days in a hospital setting is beneficial for a woman, but in fact, it is difficult to get proper rest there.

Amanda, who found herself in a similar situation, recalls: “I gave birth at 2 am, but because I was diagnosed with toxemia (late gestosis), after the birth of the child, my blood pressure was measured every hour. Because of this, I was left in the cold, on a hard and uncomfortable maternity bed, and was only transferred to the ward at 5 am. I happily settled into the relatively comfortable bed, hoping to get some sleep.

But by 5:30 the ward was filled with the cries of feeding babies; and women whose children were not delivered were woken up to have their temperature taken.

By 6:30 everything had calmed down, and just when I thought that I could now sleep for an hour before breakfast, a newspaper delivery man came and began offering Telegraph and Express. After breakfast I got up, showered and went to see my baby, breastfed her and returned to bed with a drink, hoping to get some sleep before lunch.

But then the rattling of buckets, which did not foretell anything good, was heard from the corridor, and an army of cleaners burst into the room and began moving beds and bedside tables.

And this went on all day, and in the evening my husband came, and I begged him to take me away from there.”

IN last time Amanda had a planned home birth, the baby slept next to her, and she was able to rest between feedings or rock the other babies in the bed. No one woke her up to take her temperature, and if her family saw that she was sleeping, they did not enter the room and took care of the children.

Surge in activity and development of depression

The correlation between discharge date and tearfulness or apathy is also understandable because returning home with a newborn is a very difficult experience. The phone rings incessantly, neighbors stop by and, if this is the first-born, the child somehow feels that he is left in the care of new parents.

It's only natural that women experience emotional and physical disruptions during these crazy days. But for some, this condition lasts for months, and this affects the woman’s sense of self as a mother and her relationship with her husband and family. If PPD lasts more than a couple of weeks, it is worth consulting with specialists: the longer it lasts, the more difficult it is to treat.

“Often the diagnosis is not made on time,” says psychologist Derrick Dodshon, “because it seems that this is a personal problem of the woman: she may seem sloppy, unkempt, ignorant, while in fact she is depressed.”

Unfortunately, first aid for such disorders usually comes down to phrases like: “Pull yourself together, now you have to take care of the child” or “You have such a wonderful baby, what are you complaining about?”

A woman suffering from PDD may not outwardly appear depressed. She may not cry or be sad, giving the impression of being completely happy person. But a careful observer will notice that she is agitated, overly energetic, overstimulated, or having trouble sleeping.

Susie had her first child when she was thirty. She was a social worker and had an excellent understanding of her own psychological needs, as well as the needs of her husband and child. She took a childbirth class, read all the books, and was looking forward to giving birth.

About a week after giving birth, she called me and told me that life is amazing and she couldn't sleep even for a moment because she was afraid of missing out on something! She gave herself a deadline to finish the article and decided to have a big dinner that weekend to celebrate the baby's arrival. She mentioned that, of course, the house needed to be tidied up and it was probably time to repaint the walls in the living room!

I warned Susie and her husband that this increased energy expenditure could lead to exhaustion and advised her to consult her family doctor. Together we were able to “catch” her a day or two later, just as her mood had plummeted and she was sitting sobbing in the center of her living room, filled with paint buckets, repeating that she couldn’t handle it all.

I try to watch the news less often because it makes me want to scream. I'm so upset when I hear about everything that's going on in Washington and our economy, and how those who need the most help will get less of it.

You probably already assume that I will continue my verbal tirades - but what good will I do? Will this help improve things in Washington? No... Will it help those in need? No... Will this help me feel better? No!

This will only create unhealthy stress in my body, in my mind, in my emotions and reduce my loving energy and energy field, which can negatively affect anyone who is close enough to me. I call it "being explosive" - ​​when someone (or I) has an energy field that is stressed and angry... It's not attractive! I want to move away from this. Except when sometimes this “impulsiveness” is within me, it is part of me.

Stress, anxiety and sadness contribute to the enrichment of our body with adrenaline, which is believed to protect us, helping us to escape from the saber-toothed tiger so as not to become its lunch. What happens is that when we experience stress or anxiety, our wonderfully designed body experiences an extreme rush of blood so that we become able to defend ourselves, fight and flee.

We don't need this high tide blood in our major organs, our immune system, reproductive system. We don't need to save our lives! Most of us sit in front of our computers or in our cars or in front of the TV and when we feel stressed, we don't feel the need to fight for our lives. Excessive adrenaline in our systems can cause serious harm to our body and can result in heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, immune problems, reproductive organs and more.

I could go on about how stress and anxiety can negatively impact our bodies, our emotions, and our lives, but I'd rather offer you some tips on how to cope with stress. So here are some simple tips:

1. Breathing

It's amazing how many of us unconsciously hold our breath when faced with a difficult situation, fear, as if expecting something.

I was teaching a client and when I mentioned his father, he noticeably stopped breathing. He said he didn't want to remember that part of his past. He carefully hid it from himself because it caused him great pain. Well, we did discuss some of what was hidden - let it come out! My client began to breathe and the flow was restored, and he began to feel much better.

To calm yourself, breathe using “square breathing.” Inhale for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, exhale for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four. Repeat this breathing four times or more.

2. Movement

As I mentioned, stress and anxiety cause a release of adrenaline in our body, which causes our heart to beat faster, we may sweat more, we may feel a tightening of muscles, a spasm in our throat or a tightness in our jaw - we are physically ready to fight or run away. So, it is crystal clear that the most the best way to calm our stress is movement - take a walk, do some physical exercise, which will help your body burn off excess adrenaline.

3. Stay in reality

Return to the present time! When we're anxious or stressed, we often overthink the future and all the terrible things that could happen. Realize that here and now, right now, you are fine - you are alive, your body is healthy and functioning normally, you still have a house, a car, you live in your own city, you have a choice of what to think about and what to focus on .

Sometimes I have to remind myself of what I have in this life: 2 arms, 2 legs, a comfortable bed, fuel in the car, food in the refrigerator... Right here, right now, I am safe and everything is fine.

4. Remember that you have legs and a body.

When we are stressed and anxious, we start to ruminate in our minds. We forget that we have a body. We forget to breathe or move - we just keep screwing up. So, start wiggling your toes. Extend your toes up and back towards your head to form an arch. Touch your feet and body to the ground. Use my grounding meditation to help you with this.

5.Reduce your intake of caffeine, sugar, salt, alcohol and tobacco!

We are designed to fight or flee when we encounter life-threatening events or creatures. We create this fight or flight response - many of us on a regular basis - through our thoughts or worries. However, we also create an adrenaline fight-or-flight response when we eat or drink caffeine, sugar, salt or alcohol and when we smoke. Reducing your intake of coffee, tea, chocolate, sugar, etc. can definitely reduce your stress response.

6. Contact

Remember, you are not alone! Call a friend. Go somewhere where there are people. Look and smile. Sometimes even going to the store and saying a few words to the cashier can help.

7. Let your energy flow

One of the reasons I love teaching Reiki is that it is a tool that anyone can use anytime, anywhere. If you know Reiki and you are feeling stressed, you can place your hands on your head and this will help you calm down. Or you can place your hands on your back above your lower back (near the kidneys and adrenal glands) to calm your adrenal glands.

Sometimes when we are exposed to stress for too long, we need outside help. Have a massage or session to restore energy balance. Talk to a therapist.

We are created like a river. Energy flows pass through us. When you bring back the flow state, then the stress dissipates. When you learn to keep yourself open and fluid, then you will be able to manage your stress much better.

Translation of an article by my Master Irina Kozlova.

Today at the club we talked about the topic “ I accept myself«.

What is this process?

Having been thinking about this topic for a long time, I wrote an article, which the club and shared. I will be glad if my thoughts help you clarify the answer to this question.

The article contains practical part , having done which it is very clearly visible

• from which crap consists of our character
• how close they live in us opposites And
• as, in principle, it's not scary to be flawed.
• and how really BE, A don't APPEAR.

Dedicated to good people

Good day, my dears.

Today is a beautiful sunny day. blue sky, white fluffy snow lies on the ground like a soft blanket. It's beautiful and solemn all around. However, why is it not always so white and fluffy at heart, why is it sometimes I want to howl?…

The following thought came to mind: We see all this beauty in the winter and admire it, and in the summer we admire the grass and flowers, so nice green and magically beautiful, but we don’t think at all that if only one component were missing, and all this beauty simply would not exist. What kind of component is this? And it is called very simply: EARTH. Brown, dark gray, and sometimes black, all made of manure and humus with worms and various beeches. A flower cannot grow without soil, and a snowball without soil has nothing to lie on. So it turns out that we cannot see beauty without brown-gray-black.

What am I getting at? And to the fact that we all live in the same harness and try with all our might to show each other, and most importantly to ourselves, how white and fluffy and even bright and colorful we are, otherwise on what does all this grow in us? . Yes, there is no manure-humus element in us, but what are you saying, we are good! And we are created exclusively from goodness and light, we are kind and luminous!

And around us... oh, what really bad people often walk around and shout and swear, and are rude, and often betray us, and most importantly, they strive to deceive us everywhere and in everything. And why do we need all this, good people?

Yes, not for anything, but FOR WHAT?. Just to show us OURSELVES, our brown-gray-black insides, which we hide from everyone, and most importantly FROM OURSELVES. And if we hide it, it means we are depriving ourselves of a harmonious state. Imagine for a moment that the land on which we live, and everything on which it grows, is hidden by someone from above, literally not for long, even for a minute... There is nothing to walk on, nothing to grow from, no attraction! Dear Mom - chaos! In this situation, our souls are either flattened or sausaged.

Have you seen astronauts on TV? They prepare their bodies for this very weightlessness for years and, nevertheless, after landing they learn to walk again for a long time - that’s how it is without Mother Earth! So a huge staff of smart people works for them and screws everything in their everyday life, nails them down and stuffs them into tubes so that they can survive in this weightlessness and do something else for you and me, but they are still the same, like little children: Somewhat slow and clumsy.

And we, living on Earth, each on our own, break away from our nature, as if nature does not inherent in us either anger, pride, laziness, lust, greed, vanity or envy. But these feelings are our brown-gray-black, the earth is ours. But we don’t want to see it in ourselves, much less show it to others, but what would we do without it? Without her, there is just confusion in the soul and in life outside everything is topsy-turvy. Weightlessness, in a word.

So what to do? Anger and pride and show off your lust to everyone left and right? No, no...

To begin with, observe yourself, and at the moment when something or someone knocks us out of balance, direct your attention not to this external attention, but to what is happening inside us:

“What is this that is bubbling inside me now? - Yeah, looks like I'm angry.

Why am I angry? And for example, because this someone is clearly worse than me in this matter, and for some reason the boss gave him a bonus. Yeah... so it turns out that I consider myself superior to my colleague. Yes, it’s the pride in me that’s angry now! That's how it is! And I thought that I didn’t have it at all. Nice to meet you.” Soooo the meeting took place.

Next time it will be easier for you to be honest with yourself. Observe and state the facts within yourself.

The wise Russian people have a proverb on this subject: We see a speck in someone else’s eye, but we don’t notice the log in our own. By observing yourself and fixating on your brown-gray-black, there is every chance of discovering those same logs in yourself. For what? Do you remember the lines from the song:

Two eternal friends

Love and Separation

They don't walk one without the other.

We live in a dual world, that is, dual, whatever we look at, everything has two sides. Top - bottom, right - left, external - internal. We divide people into good and bad, funny and sad, smart and stupid. That is, all sorts of qualities in a person that we consider good, necessarily have their opposite in us. We would not have felt what “good” was if we had not once known what “bad” was. Everything is learned by comparison.

There is another time-tested truth:

If you don’t pay any attention to something at all, then it will wither away over time if it fails to attract attention to itself.

Likewise, the specks within us grow to the size of a log. We deprive them of our attention, that is, we pretend that they simply do not exist in us. Thus, they have no other way to attract our attention than to increase in size.

Here we live, we live so nice, kind and suddenly “Bang!” - puncture Unexpectedly for everyone, and the worst thing for oneself, for example, under a small dose of alcohol at a corporate party, because of an innocent skirmish with someone, the tongue loosens, so much so that all the hidden thoughts of good man They pour out such a dirty stream. What's in fiction this is called a "silent scene". And if someone makes a remark, then everyone may get, as they say, “the hot hand.” And this person would like to stop this flow, but, unfortunately, his head goes blank at such moments. How can a team remain at the same level after this? And how painstakingly for many years the reputation of a “good person” was created, and here it is! Now that’s all and the man himself has finally seen his log.

But everything could have stopped at the speck stage: “Yes, I have envy, anger and pride in reasonable quantities - after all, they were created for something.”

Let's summarize.

By studying ourselves, we learn the traits of our character.

Our soul is the bearer of this character. At first glance, it is, unfortunately, unchanged, but at the second glance, fortunately, it is unique. The world is dual (that is, everything in it is divided into two halves: black - white, beginning - end, top - bottom...).

Accordingly, every character trait in us necessarily has a pair - its opposite. When getting to know yourself, it is important to accept both sides of the coin, since only when these opposites are balanced in us, they collapse into the Golden Mean. And this cotton, like flint, strikes a spark. This fiery crumb joins the Spark of God, so carefully placed in each of us by the Creator. Spark to spark. Thus, a flame gradually flares up inside a person. This Eternal Flame and there is self-love. I love myself - this means I ACCEPT MYSELF AS NATURE CREATED ME (GOD, CREATOR, ABSOLUTE).

Remember, as in Odoevsky: ...From a spark a flame will ignite...

PRACTICE: Answer yourself the question: Why do I love and respect myself?

My personal example. I love and respect myself:

1. For believing in Miracles

2. For courage in working on yourself.

3. For the ability to listen and hear yourself and others.

4. For the creation of the Women's Club

5. For Peace and Prosperity in my family

6. For optimism.

7. For Love in my heart.

8. For Beauty.

I feel love for myself when I believe in Miracles, but even when I don’t believe in anything at all, I ALSO LOVE MYSELF. After all, both are I.

I feel love for myself when I am brave in working on myself, but also when I am afraid and run away from myself in panic, I ALSO LOVE MYSELF. The experience of cowardice and the experience of courage are equally important.

I feel love for myself when I know how to listen and hear myself and others, but also when I don’t want to listen and hear anyone or anything and I don’t listen, I LOVE MYSELF TOO. I make a choice and, respecting myself, accept it.

I feel love for myself when I create something, but also when I don’t create anything at all or even, on the contrary, destroy something, I LOVE MYSELF TOO.

I feel love for myself when I maintain Peace and Prosperity in my Family, but also when I go into my personal space, where there is only me, without thinking or caring about anyone or anything except myself. I LOVE MYSELF TOO. I have every right to do this!

I feel love for myself when I’m an optimist, but also when I’m just sick of everything and everyone around me, yes, yes, I LOVE MYSELF TOO. I don't owe anyone anything!

I feel love for myself when I feel Love in my heart, but when Hate appears in it, I ALSO LOVE MYSELF. Yes, hating, LOVE!

I feel love for myself when I am fabulously beautiful, but also when I seem like just a crocodile. I ALSO LOVE MYSELF. Crocodiles also have a twist)))

OBSERVE AND ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE, NOT TO APPEAR!

Svetlana Alyonkina

I don't understand how I feel.
It's so hard and bad for me.
I always want to cry.
When I get up from bleeding (it’s getting worse lately), when I cook, when I clean. Even now when I write this I want to burst into tears.
I understand that there are people who are a hundred times worse off than me, but
I want to howl and scream how bad I feel. I want to tell someone how I feel. Which is disturbing. But who can I tell this to?
Lately, I have been increasingly haunted by the obsessive feeling that I am annoying people as soon as I start writing about my problems. Sometimes you want to cut off all contacts, lock yourself in a room and never leave and die in the same room from something.
It feels like no one understands. Even if I try to tell something, nothing will work, because:
1.As was written earlier, it seems that I am annoying people.
2. Even if I tell you, no one will understand (it seems) =>
The worst thing:
3. Words disappear. I’m trying to tell something about myself, something that’s hard for me to say and that’s all. My head is empty. I can't say anything at all.
It's getting more and more difficult to go somewhere.
For example, in the evening I can happily discuss with my friend that tomorrow we will go shopping, but the next morning I can’t do anything. I usually try not to cancel all plans, but sometimes I just can’t.
My memory has deteriorated. I forget what I’m asked to do.
And I really want to die.
I'm only 15, maybe this is some kind of difficult transition?

Support the site:

Alisonn, age: 15/07/22/2018

Responses:

Hello. Yes, dear, this is a difficult, transitional age, you can read articles on this topic on the Internet. But the main thing is that all this will pass, in the future you yourself will wonder why certain things were so annoying and upsetting. Take your vitamins, they will give you strength. Ask your mom to make an appointment with a psychologist. Cheer up! Find yourself more hobbies, hobbies, or a part-time job for the summer. Good luck!

Irina, age: 30 / 07/23/2018

Hello Alisson! Why do you think that you are annoying people? Do you have a bad relationship with your mother? This is the most close person- you can talk about painful issues with her. In general - you can tell the essence of the problems in writing - we will help you in some way, we will listen. It’s also great to keep a diary! And write everything that worries you there, express it on paper, so to speak. Believe me, when you read these problems, you will look at them from a different angle. Read more, then your speech will flow like a trickle. As for memory, you can go to the hospital, you can take some vitamins, don’t be afraid of your condition, it’s only temporary and will definitely pass! Honey, you can go to church, talk to the priest - in the sacrament of Confession, tell God about everything - He will always listen and understand, and, most importantly, help.
Hugs to you!

Lu, age: 22 / 23.07.2018

Hello dear Alisonn!

From your letter it seems that you creative person with the rich inner world. This means that this world can contain an abyss of different experiences, doubts, negative emotions, in which you can drown... To make your life more stable, you need to learn to manage your thoughts - after all, negative thoughts destroy you from the inside. Write how often do you think about negative things?.. Bad thoughts bind you, deprive you of hope and immobilize you. Moreover, they negatively affect your psycho-emotional state and provide constant stress. This stress deteriorates not only the mood, but also the memory and the ability to verbally express one’s thoughts, and it becomes impossible to concentrate. After all, when there is confusion in the head and irritation in the soul, then what kind of balance can we talk about?..
But dear, this situation is fixable: just take control of your thoughts. Stop allowing negative thoughts into your mind - thoughts of sadness, anger, resentment and other things that negatively affect your well-being. At first it will be difficult - after all, you are used to thinking in a negative way, but over time, you will be able to refuse bad thoughts, after which you will feel a surge of vigor, joy and opportunity. Feed yourself with positive thoughts - become an optimist! After all, optimism charges with vigor and internal energy which is necessary for life! Don’t turn into a constantly whining old lady, always dissatisfied with life... Change your usual thinking pattern. Then you will feel how your life will change, because thoughts influence feelings, feelings influence actions, and actions determine life!
Good luck! I guarantee you that if you follow this recommendation, your condition will improve.

Zhanna, age: 28 / 07/24/2018

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The most important thing

How to love yourself

Two reasons for self-dislike and overcoming them

Self-love helps improve relationships with others, and selfishness is the absence of such relationships. Self-love is what is called self-acceptance. The better a person feels about himself, the better he feels about others. The more he accepts himself, the easier it is for him to accept other people and focus on them.