IN everyday life Between people, due to differences in temperaments, conflict situations often occur. This is due, first of all, to a person’s excessive emotionality and lack of self-control. emotions? How to "take over" with your own feelings and thoughts during a conflict? Psychology provides answers to these questions.

Why do you need self-control?

Restraint and self-control are something that many people lack. This is achieved over time, constantly training and improving skills. Self-control helps to achieve a lot, and the least of this list is inner peace of mind. How to learn to control your emotions and at the same time prevent intrapersonal conflict? Understand that this is necessary and gain agreement with your own “I”.

Control over emotions prevents the conflict situation from worsening and allows you to find someone with completely opposite personalities. To a greater extent, self-control is necessary to establish relationships with people, no matter business partners or relatives, children, lovers.

The influence of negative emotions on life

Breakdowns and scandals, in which negative energy is released, have a detrimental effect not only on the people around them, but also on the instigator himself conflict situations. How to learn to restrain your negative emotions? Try to avoid conflicts and not succumb to provocations from other people.

Negative emotions destroy harmonious relationships in the family and prevent normal development personality and career growth. After all, few people want to cooperate/communicate/live with a person who does not control himself and starts a large-scale scandal at every opportunity. For example, if a woman cannot control herself and constantly finds fault with her man, which leads to serious quarrels, then he will soon leave her.

In raising children, it is also important to restrain yourself and not give free rein to negative emotions. The child will feel every word said by the parent in the heat of anger, and will subsequently remember this moment for the rest of his life. Psychology helps to understand how to learn to restrain emotions and prevent their manifestation in communication with children and loved ones.

Negative emotions also have a great impact on business and work activities. A team always consists of people of different temperaments, therefore self-control plays an important role here: negativity can spill out at any moment when a person is put under pressure and required to do overwhelming work. And instead of the usual dialogue, where the parties can come to a consensus, a scandal develops. How to learn to control your emotions in the workplace? Do not react to employee provocations, try to start a casual conversation, agree with your superiors in everything, even if the assigned tasks are difficult to complete.

Suppression of emotions

Constantly restraining yourself within certain limits and preventing the release of negativity is not a panacea. Suppressing accumulates negativity, and therefore increases the risk of developing psychological diseases. Negativity must be periodically “thrown out” somewhere, but in such a way that the feelings of other people are not harmed. How to learn to restrain emotions, but without harm to your inner world? Go in for sports, because during training a person spends all his internal resources, and the negativity quickly goes away.

Wrestling, boxing, and hand-to-hand combat are suitable for releasing negative energy. It is important here that a person mentally wants to give vent to his emotions, then he will feel relief and he will not want to take it out on anyone. However, it is worth considering that everything should be in moderation, and overwork during training can provoke a new influx of negativity.

Two ways to control your emotions:

• Do you dislike a person so much that you are ready to destroy him? Do this, but, of course, not in the literal sense of the word. At the moment when you feel uncomfortable communicating with him, mentally do whatever you want with this person.
• Draw a person you hate and write down on a piece of paper next to the image the problems that appeared in your life thanks to him. Burn the sheet and mentally put an end to your relationship with this person.

Prevention

How to learn to restrain emotions? Psychology gives the following answer to this question: to control your feelings and emotions, prevention is necessary, in other words - emotional hygiene. Like the human body, his soul also needs hygiene and disease prevention. To do this, you need to protect yourself from communicating with people who cause hostility, and also, if possible, avoid conflicts.

Prevention is the most gentle and optimal way to control emotions. She doesn't demand additional training human and specialist intervention. Preventive measures allow for long time protect yourself from negativity and nervous breakdowns.

The main thing that helps you gain control over your emotions is own life. When a person is satisfied with everything in his home, work, relationships, and he understands that at any moment he can influence all this and adjust it to himself, then it is easier for him to restrain the manifestation of negative emotions. There are a number of preventive rules that help manage your own feelings and thoughts. How to learn to control your emotions and manage yourself? Follow simple rules.

Unfinished business and debts

IN short terms complete all planned tasks, do not leave work unfinished - this can cause delays in terms of deadlines, thereby provoking negative emotions. Also, “tails” can be reproached, pointing out your incompetence.

In financial terms, try to avoid late payments and debts - this is exhausting and prevents you from achieving your goal. Understanding that you have not repaid a debt to someone causes negativity and helplessness in the face of current circumstances.

The absence of debts, both financial and otherwise, allows you to fully spend your own energy resources and strength, directing them to the realization of desires. A sense of duty, on the contrary, is an obstacle to mastering self-control and achieving success. How to learn to restrain emotions and control yourself? Eliminate debts in a timely manner.

Cosiness

Create a comfortable experience for yourself workplace, equip your home to your own taste. Both at work and at home, with your family, you should feel comfortable - nothing should cause irritation or any other negative emotions.

Time planning

Try to make smart plans for the day, strive to ensure that you have a little more time and resources to complete your tasks than you need. This will avoid the negativity associated with a constant lack of time and worries about the lack of finances, energy and strength for work.

Communication and Workflow

Avoid contact with unpleasant people, uselessly wasting your personal time. Especially with individuals who are called “energy vampires” - they take up not only your time, but also your energy. If possible, try not to interact with overly temperamental people, since any incorrect remark directed in their direction can provoke a scandal. How to restrain your emotions in relationships with other people? Be polite, do not exceed your authority, and do not overreact to criticism.

If your job brings you nothing but negative emotions, then you should think about changing your job. Earning money to the detriment of your soul and feelings, sooner or later, will lead to a breakdown and disorder of mental balance.

Marking boundaries

Mentally create a list of things and actions that cause you negative emotions. Draw an invisible line, a line that no one, even the closest person, should cross. Create a set of rules that restrict people from communicating with you. Those who truly love, appreciate and respect you will accept such demands, and those who resist these attitudes should not be in your environment. To communicate with strangers, develop a special system that will avoid violating your boundaries and creating conflict situations.

Physical activity and self-reflection

Playing sports will bring not only physical health, but also mental balance. Spend 30 minutes to 1 hour a day on sports, and your body will quickly cope with negative emotions.

At the same time, analyze everything that happens to you during the day. Ask yourself questions about whether you acted correctly in a given situation, whether you communicated with the right people, whether you had enough time to complete the work. This will help not only to understand yourself, but also in the future to eradicate communication with unnecessary people who cause negativity. your own emotions, thoughts and goals allows you to fully develop self-control.

Positive emotions and prioritization

Develop the ability to switch from negative emotions to positive ones, try to see in any situation positive aspects. How to learn to control emotions in relationships with family and strangers? Be more positive, and this will help you overcome your own temper.

The right goal is a great help in achieving self-control. When you are on the verge of a surge of negative emotions, imagine that as soon as you stop being nervous and paying attention to provocations, your dreams will begin to come true. You should choose only realistic, achievable goals.

Environment

Take a close look at the people around you. Is there any benefit from communicating with them? Do they bring you happiness, warmth and kindness, do they make you happy? If not, then the answer is obvious; you urgently need to change and switch to individuals who carry positive emotions. Of course, it is impossible to do this in the workplace, but at least limit yourself from communicating with such people outside the work space.

In addition to changing your environment, expanding your social circle will help you develop self-control. This will give you new opportunities, knowledge and a positive charge for a long time.

Emotional Intelligence- the most important component of a full-fledged personality.

Not only a person’s state of mind, but also his success, motivation and aspirations depend on the ability to cope with negative experiences.

To learn to interact with yourself, it is important to be able to recognize and deal with negative emotions.

An unemotional person: why is he like this and what to do? Find out about this from ours.

The essence of the negative reaction

The word "emotion" contains the Latin root "moveo".

Literally it means "to move, to move".

- an instant action program embedded in a person’s subconscious.

Thus, a negative emotion is a person’s reaction to a situation that does not fit into his understanding of what is happening. A kind of trigger that forces enable defensive behavior.

In essence, a reasonable person - Homo sapiens- is driven by two powerful forces. This is the mind and emotions. At first glance, analytical skills seem much more useful than emotional reactions. However, evolution decreed otherwise.

For thousands of years, humans have faced situations where emotions were decisive. In the face of danger, our ancestors did not try to analyze what was happening. Long thoughts about how best to deal with the attacking predator could cost them their lives.

Instant emotions came onto the stage, followed by lightning fast solutions- defend, run away, attack, hide, etc. Feelings, danger and anger saved a person, gradually turning into an automatic reaction to danger.

Negative, or negative, emotion occurs instantly and almost automatically. It is unconscious, but contains colossal power. An individual, driven by such emotions, mobilizes all his forces - his verbal arsenal, physical capabilities, and speed of reaction.

Modern man rarely faces a direct threat to his life.

Most negative experiences today "grow" from other sources.

The ancient “This snake will bite me” has transformed into “This boss is oppressing me.”

Emotions have evolved along with man, so today negative experiences are still caused by the same lack of money or an intrusive signal from a neighboring car at a traffic light.

A seemingly trivial situation provokes the same reaction that was once caused by an attacking predator. A person instantly responds with rudeness to an irritant and “rushes” at the offender.

Groups of feelings

Human consciousness multifaceted. To understand whether an experienced feeling is harmful, it is important to be able to recognize negative experiences.

Any emotional state of a person is regulated hormonal levels. In response to external stimuli, the endocrine system produces certain substances.

Simply put, in times of danger, adrenaline is released, and in moments of pleasure, dopamine is released.

But the range of feelings rarely provokes clear release of one hormone. Any emotion consists of many facets, just like the hormonal surge that caused it.

Recognizing a negative emotion is easy:

1. Most often it causes excitement. Even a seemingly passive one produces an active flow of thoughts and depressing images. Nervous system excited.
2. Impatience. Often there is a desire to act immediately. The inability to respond leads to tension. A subordinate who disagrees with the manager shakes his leg under the table or clicks his pen.
3. Inability to concentrate. Emotions overwhelm the mind, so logic is relegated to the background. There is no time to analyze, we need to act.

How dangerous is a state of emotional deprivation? find out right now.

Types of Negative Emotions

The range of human emotions - huge world feelings and experiences. It contains both positive and negative emotions.

What are negative emotional states? List of basic negative feelings :

The list of negative emotions can be continued for a long time.

It is unlikely that soul scientists will ever be able to compile a complete list of negative feelings.

After all, emotions often intertwined creating new shades of experiences.

How to overcome worries?

If in the primitive world negative emotions saved a person’s life, then in modern realities outbursts of feelings can harm not only their source, but also those around them.

Allows you to fully activate logical thinking.

However Don't push your feelings into the background. It is important to recognize them and be able to cope with the most destructive ones.

Understanding the Source

To cope with negative experiences, it is important to understand the source that provokes them. More precisely, the source of experiences is the human consciousness itself, but the stimulus is most often the environment.

How to deal with negativity:

The proposed chain can be used not only in the described example. Distance yourself and evaluate your emotions as if from the outside. Consider negative feelings separately from yourself.

You are not what you think. Once you learn to think not “What a scoundrel!” but “I’m furious,” you will learn to control your emotions.

Stopping the Rage

Sudden rage becomes a real hurricane, destroying relationships and worsening well-being.

Imagine a situation where you are walking along the sidewalk and a passing car splashes you with water from a puddle.

You surely you will fly into a rage, because “we could have driven more carefully.”

The driver has already forgotten about you, but you carry your emotions home and will probably throw them out on the first person you come across.

If you feel like you're going wild, stop stream of angry thoughts and look at the situation from a different angle. Break away from the belief that your opinion is the only correct one.

Perhaps the driver is rushing to the airport or has just had a baby. Mix your anger with understanding or an appropriate neutral emotion. She will help extinguish the flames of rage.

Suppressing anxiety

Anxiety often comes out of nowhere. Excitement snowballs, and its owner is plunged into anxious thoughts. Often anxiety, fed regularly, becomes a habit.

As soon as excitement begins to draw images of disasters in our thoughts, we stop this flow. Mentally rewind time and analyze the moment when the first exciting emotion of the chain arose.

Important get to the very beginning of the process. Did you see the article in the newspaper? Did you hear a dog barking loudly around the corner?

As soon as the starting point is found, we begin to devalue the risk of an incident.

What is the probability what event from the newspaper will happen to you?

Are there other options for the development of events? Can I prevent this disaster?

A cold assessment of the situation and logical thinking will help in the fight against anxiety. Healthy skepticism will gradually teach you to analyze possible incidents from a position of logic, and not outbursts of emotions.

Ways to release energy

No matter how effectively a person copes with negative emotions, when they arise, they cause damage to their moral and physical state. Experienced often settles in the mind like a heavy burden. The offender was dealt with, the situation was resolved, and nervous tension still here.

How to get rid of it? The condition of the stretched string will be eliminated simple ways:

Negative emotions - natural human reaction to unpleasant situations. To prevent negative experiences from causing harm, it is important to be able to cope with them. The fight against negativity begins with awareness of your own feelings. Simple ways to relieve nervous tension will also come in handy.

Negative emotions - how to deal with them? 2 simple methods:

Unfortunately, in our world, negativity and negative emotions surround us everywhere. The ability to find positive and pleasant qualities in something ordinary needs to be constantly developed.

Previously, we told you about the secrets of positive thinking from Natalya Pravdina and other bioenergy experts who have helped thousands of people become happier. Together with this article, Pravdina’s recommendations will have a very positive effect and will tell everyone their path to happiness.

How to deal with negativity

At first glance, the fight against negativity may seem simple, but it is not so, since our inner world is faster filled with negative emotions and charged with negative energy than positive.

What does negativity lead to:

• difficulty making decisions;
• you are easier to control;
• deterioration of health.

Thus, it is clear that human weakness in relation to negative emotions is actually much worse than many assume. How to fight this disease?

Tip one: never keep negativity to yourself. This does not mean that it needs to be thrown out, but there is no place for it inside either. In this case, you risk withdrawing into yourself, which is even worse than just being offended, angry or disappointed. Talk about your feelings with your loved one, with your parents, with your friends. Let them help you or at least listen, which will already help you significantly reduce or smooth out the negative consequences.

Tip two: get rid of bad habits. This includes cigarettes and alcohol, because they chemically do not allow the body to “rejoice” by releasing the corresponding substances. In addition, you can read our popular article about eight bad habits that prevent you from living a happy life. They attract negative emotions, which is why they pose a certain danger to each of us.

Tip three: use of affirmations. This technique works effectively if you already live in bad mood and nothing brings you joy. This is a great way to protect and heal. negative emotions. Every morning, when you wake up, tell yourself that you are happy, that you are in a good mood, that you are ready for victories and new achievements. In short, use positive attitudes. Over time, they will connect with your mind and become your thoughts without reminder.

Tip four: be realistic. If you live with your dreams and hopes, you risk being disappointed, because our world is material. The spiritual side of life can be used in something else, so focus on putting effort into achieving a result, and not just believing in success.

Tip five: accept help and ask for help. This is very important because there is life situations problems that can only be solved with the support of loved ones. Don't reject those who selflessly try to help you get out of depression, because nothing motivates these people - they just love you and dream of seeing you smile.

endure or fight?

Discomfort, trouble, anxiety, pain, suffering..."Negative emotions" is a rather vague definition that summarizes the emotions of this series.

Even people who consider themselves happy experience emotions from the “negative spectrum” of human experience. And although negative emotions are understood as a variety of emotions, they general property is that we feel something unpleasant, unwanted, “bad”. The strength of these experiences can increase from barely perceptible discomfort to a state of unbearability.

Throughout life, each person (consciously or unconsciously) develops his own strategy for dealing with them, giving his own answer to the question:

How to deal with negative emotions?

Avoid.

Some people feel that any experience is very difficult for them, hurts them greatly, or even simply “knocks them out of the rut” for a long time. At the same time, they feel that there are not enough resources to change the situation or cope with their emotions. Often such people choose the path of avoidance. Avoidance is an attempt to encounter as little as possible events, people, and even one’s own manifestations that can upset the internal balance. A person moves away from activities associated with negative emotions and stops at something.

When Masha was 8 years old, during a lesson in class, she raised her hand and went to answer the board. She knew the material well, but was excited by the opportunity to express herself and, under the influence of strong emotions, mixed up something. My classmates laughed, and the teacher gave me a C for an incorrect answer. Masha was ashamed of herself and offended by the C grade. At home, she received a comment from her mother: “Why did you volunteer to come to the board if you weren’t confident in yourself?”
Now Maria is 32 years old, she works as a junior manager in a small company. She could have become a manager long ago, because she is well versed not only in her work, but also in the work of the entire department. But no one knows about this. The fear of proving herself (and the expectation of possible shame) crosses out the possibility of her professional growth.*

Anton is 42 years old. He is a confirmed bachelor. Women happen in his life - for a day, two, a week... The longest romance in his life lasted 8 months and ended 23 years ago. Then the girl he really fell in love with went to his friend. He suffered a lot, he wanted to kill him, her, and then yourself. These feelings were even more acute than those he experienced at the age of five, when his parents divorced and his mother married his stepfather. It took Anton 2 years to recover from the failed romance. The wound from the loss, from the experience of betrayal, healed, but the scar remained. Now, as soon as there is a “threat” of getting closer to someone, the opportunity to become attached, Anton mercilessly breaks off the relationship. He is ready to sacrifice love, warmth, the opportunity to raise children, just so as not to again face the terrible pain of betrayal and separation.*

Use others.

Another possibility is to use the people around you to transfer onto them what is unpleasant and difficult to experience inside. Unconsciously trying to avoid contact with negative emotions within oneself, and unable to process them into something useful, a person feels anxiety, irritation or anger. At a conscious level, he connects these feelings with what is happening around him - with the behavior of loved ones, life circumstances, political system etc. As a result, he does not try to truly understand the reasons that cause these emotions, and denies his contribution to what is happening: the defensive reaction is triggered instantly and unconsciously. The emotions themselves feel like a tangled, unpleasant, hand-burning tangle that needs to be gotten rid of by throwing it to someone else. In most cases, after this the internal balance is more or less restored. But loved ones suffer from the emotions splashed out on them. And then either loved ones become unhappy or try to communicate less. But negative emotions still remain strong.

Ivan Andreevich is the head of a department of a trading company. He studied a lot, he is very demanding of himself, he is a really good specialist. But in his department there is serious problem: staff turnover, due to which the efficiency of the department as a whole is greatly reduced. Only one employee lasted more than two years. The rest either move to other departments or quit altogether. The reason is this: Ivan Andreevich is considered a tyrant, hated and feared. This surprises him and offends him a little, because he just wants everyone to work “normally.” Just like his father, who always scolded him (and even flogged him) for any offense (and anything could be considered a fault), Ivan Andreevich considers himself fair. After all, his anger is always directed at some imperfection of the employee. But he doesn't realize that true reasons His emotions are often not the actions of employees, but his own poor health, deteriorating relationship with his wife, unconscious dissatisfaction with himself, fear of being unsuccessful and losing the trust of the company's management. While “educating” employees, he does not solve the real problems, and people from the department keep leaving and leaving... *

Tatyana got married at the age of 18. She wanted to feel freedom so much that she accepted the proposal from the first person who made it, without thinking about her feelings. It was not easy for her as a child - she lived alone with her mother - a lonely and very anxious woman who made her daughter her only friend, her mother, her psychotherapist. Unconsciously, she used her daughter so as not to feel loneliness, anxiety, and fear for the future.
Tanya lived with her husband for only 2 years. He was unable to compete for Tanino’s attention with his mother-in-law, who called many times a day, with whom he had to spend all weekends and holidays. Finally, my mother began to feel bad and Tanya, unable to cope with the feeling of guilt in front of her “abandoned” mother, moved back to her... The return of her daughter cured her mother and the two of them lived for another 20 years until her mother died. All this time Tatyana was angry with her. But concern for her mother’s well-being and a sense of guilt and betrayal did not allow Tatyana to think about starting to live her own life.*

Suffer and endure.

Sometimes a person realizes that he is sacrificing his own interests, and may even stop living his own life to save someone else. In some cases, you really have to sacrifice some of your interests (for example, when you are seriously ill close person). But quite often, sacrificing yourself and your interests to someone is not so much a tribute to severe necessity, but rather a passive way to cope with various negative emotions - anger, resentment, guilt.

In some cases, suffering acts as self-punishment. This is how a suffering person unconsciously copes with the feeling of guilt, which acutely manifests itself whenever he tries to think about his interests.

And sometimes suffering and self-reproach constitute a person’s secret pride. and feed his self-esteem. From the outside, such a person may look like a saint. Although it is not easy for his loved ones: they are forced to constantly feel guilty for wanting to realize their desires and follow their interests, while their loved one refuses everything in their favor.

Let's return to Tatyana from the previous example. Her mother unknowingly used her to cope with her anxiety and loneliness. When there was a threat that Tanya would break this symbiosis, my mother began to get sick. And then Tatyana experienced strong fear (of losing her mother, as well as causing her death) and guilt (for leaving her mother and for wanting to have her own life, as well as for the accumulated unexpressed anger at her mother). Fear and guilt led Tatiana to the outcome described above: she spent her entire life caring for her mother, supporting her, and giving up opportunities to build close relationships with other people.*

Elena Sergeevna is the mother and grandmother of a large family. She devoted her life to her family and children. While raising her sons, she almost gave up communicating with her friends and had no hobbies. Elena Sergeevna never demanded anything for herself. Having given herself to her children, now she doesn’t understand: why do her children feel unhappy?*

Use negative emotions to improve your life.

Emotions exist in a person’s life for a reason. Positive emotions let us know that something beneficial to us is happening. Negative emotions are a signal that something is going wrong. It is important not just to get rid of them, but to understand this signal and respond to it.

When something turns out to be emotionally unbearable for a person, it can be as if a shutdown of emotions occurs: the person no longer suffers, but he also does not truly rejoice, and over time there is a feeling that life is meaningless, or a feeling of deadness, living life in the absence of life itself.

Few people want to experience physical pain. However, when a person actually loses the ability to feel pain for some reason, he is in mortal danger. He will no longer withdraw his hand when it comes into contact with a hot object... He no longer feels that serious inflammation is beginning... Having broken his leg, he will continue to walk, crushing the bones inside... In a word, he will not be able to respond to danger to life...

But what then to do with negative emotions? By avoiding them, we hide from the world and do not realize our potential. Using others to cope with them, we make loved ones suffer, and others simply leave us. By suffering and enduring, we sacrifice our lives.

An alternative to these unattractive options is inner work with your emotions. A person can do it independently or with the help of a psychologist. Of course, each case is individual, but in general this work goes through several general stages:

1. Awareness of which emotions are unpleasant or cause suffering.

2. Understanding what exactly causes them.

3. Determining what is happening can be changed.

4. Deciding what exactly you want to achieve and in what way.

5. Start of change.

Such internal work not only allows you to cope with negative emotions. It changes your life for the better and gives you reasons to be proud of your inner growth.

* The article provides examples of typical life situations.

Psychologist-psychanalyst
Training Analyst and CPT Supervisor

Greetings readers. In this article I will tell you. We will talk about how not to give in to your feelings, your mood and state of mind, maintain a sober mind and accept right decisions, and not act “on emotions”. The article is quite large, since the topic requires it, this is even, in my opinion, the smallest thing that can be written on this topic, so you can read the article in several approaches. Here you will also find many links to other materials on my blog, and before you start studying them, I advise you to read this page to the end, and then delve into reading other articles via the links, since in this article I still skimmed the top "(You can open the materials via links in other tabs of your browser and then start reading).

So, before we talk about practice, let us talk about why we need to control emotions at all and whether it can be done at all. Are our feelings something beyond our control, something we can never cope with? Let's try to find out.

Feelings and emotions in culture

Western mass culture is thoroughly saturated with an atmosphere of emotional dictatorship, the power of feelings over the human will. In films, we constantly see how heroes, driven by passionate impulses, commit some crazy acts, and sometimes the entire plot is built on this. Movie characters quarrel, lose their temper, get angry, shout at each other, sometimes even for no particular reason. Some uncontrollable whim often leads them to their goal, to their dream: be it a thirst for revenge, envy or a desire to have power. Of course, films are not entirely made up of this, I am not at all going to criticize them for this, because it is simply an echo of the culture, which is that emotions are often placed at the forefront.

This is especially evident in classical literature(and even classical music, not to mention the theater): past centuries were much more romantic than our era. Heroes classical works They were distinguished by a great emotional disposition: they either fell in love, then stopped loving, then they hated, then they wanted to rule.

And so, between these emotional extremes, the stage of the hero’s life described in the novels took place. I will also not criticize the great classic books for this, they are wonderful works from the point of view of artistic value and they simply reflect the culture from which they were born.

But, nevertheless, this view of things, which we see in many works of world culture, is not only a consequence of the social worldview, but also indicates the further path of cultural movement. Such an exalted, obsequious attitude towards human emotions in books, music and films creates the belief that our feelings are not controlled, they are something that is beyond our control, they determine our behavior and our character, they are given to us by nature and we do not we can change nothing.

We believe that the entire individuality of a person comes down to just a set of passions, quirks, vices, complexes, fears and emotional impulses. We are used to thinking about ourselves in this manner: “I’m hot-tempered, I’m greedy, I’m shy, I’m nervous and I can’t help it.”

We constantly look for justification for our actions in our feelings, abdicating all responsibility: “well, I acted on emotions; when I am irritated, I become uncontrollable; Well, that’s the kind of person I am, I can’t do anything about it, it’s in my blood, etc.” We treat our emotional world as an element beyond our control, a seething ocean of passions in which a storm will begin as soon as a slight breeze blows (after all, the same thing happens in the case of heroes of books and films). We easily follow the lead of our feelings, because we are who we are and it cannot be any other way.

Of course, we began to see this as the norm, even, moreover, as dignity and virtue! We call excessive sensitivity and think of it almost as a personal merit of the bearer of such a “spiritual type”! We reduce the entire concept of great artistic skill to the level of depicting the movement of emotions, which is expressed in theatrical poses, elaborate gestures and demonstrations of mental torment.

We no longer believe that it is possible to gain control over ourselves, make conscious decisions, and not be a puppet of our desires and passions. Is there any serious basis for such a belief?

I think not. The inability to control feelings is a common myth generated by our culture and our psychology. It is possible to control emotions and this is supported by the experience of many people who have learned to be in harmony with their inner world, they managed to make feelings their allies, not overlords.

This article will talk about managing emotions. But I will talk not only about the control of emotions, such as anger, irritation, but also about the control of states (laziness, boredom) and uncontrollable physical needs, (lust, gluttony). Since it all has common ground. Therefore, if I further talk about emotions or feelings, by this I immediately mean all irrational human impulses, and not just the emotions themselves in the strict sense of the word.

Why do you need to control your emotions?

Of course, feelings can and should be managed. But why do this? It's very simple to become freer and happier. Emotions, if you don’t take control over them, take control, which is fraught with all sorts of rash actions that you later regret. They prevent you from acting wisely and correctly. Also, knowing about your emotional habits, it is easier for other people to control you: play on your pride, if you are vain, take advantage of your insecurities to impose your will.

Emotions are spontaneous and unpredictable, they can take you by surprise at the most crucial moment and interfere with your intentions. Imagine a faulty car that is still driving, but you know that at any moment something can break at high speed and this will lead to an inevitable accident. Will you feel confident driving such a car? Also, uncontrollable feelings can strike at any time and cause the most unpleasant consequences. Remember how much trouble you experienced due to the fact that you could not stop the excitement, calm the anger, overcome timidity and uncertainty.

The spontaneous nature of emotions makes it difficult to move towards long-term goals, since sudden impulses of the sensory world constantly introduce deviations into your life course, forcing you to turn in one direction or the other at the first call of passions. How can you realize your true purpose when you are constantly distracted by emotions?

In such a continuous rotation of sensory streams, it is difficult to find yourself, to realize your deepest desires and needs, which will lead you to happiness and harmony, since these streams constantly pull you into different sides, away from the center of your being!

Strong, uncontrollable emotions are like a drug that paralyzes the will and enslaves you.

The ability to control your emotions and states will make you independent (from your experiences and from the people around you), free and confident, will help you achieve your goals and achieve your goals, since feelings will no longer completely control your mind and determine your behavior.

In fact, it is sometimes very difficult to evaluate negative influence emotions affect our lives to the fullest, since every day we are under their power and looking through the veil of piled-up desires and passions seems to be quite difficult. Even our most ordinary actions carry an emotional imprint, and you yourself may not be aware of it. It can be very difficult to abstract from this state, but anyway, perhaps I will talk about this later.

What is the difference between managing emotions and suppressing emotions?

Meditate!

Meditation is a very valuable exercise for controlling emotions, developing willpower and awareness. Those who have been reading my blog for a long time may miss this, since I have already written about meditation in many articles, and here I will not write anything fundamentally new about it, but if you are new to my materials, then I strongly advise you to pay attention to this .

Of all that I have listed, meditation, in my opinion, is the most effective tool for controlling your state, both emotional and physical. Remember the equanimity of yogis and eastern sages who spent many hours in meditation. Well, since we are not yogis, it’s not worth meditating all day long, but you need to spend 40 minutes a day on it.

Meditation is not magic, not magic, not religion, it is the same proven exercise for your mind as physical exercise is for the body. Only meditation, unfortunately, is not so popular in our culture, which is a pity...

Managing emotions isn't just about stopping them. It is also necessary to maintain a state in which strong negative emotions simply do not arise or, if they do appear, they can be controlled by the mind. This is the state of calm, sober mind and peace that meditation gives you.

2 meditation sessions a day, over time, will teach you to manage your feelings much better, not to give in to passions and not to fall in love with vices. Try it and you will understand what I'm talking about. And most importantly, meditation will help you disengage from the constant emotional veil that envelops your mind and prevents you from taking a sober look at yourself and your life. This is the difficulty that I spoke about at the beginning. Regular meditation practice will help you cope with this task.

There is a whole article about this on my website and you can read it by following the link. I highly recommend doing this! This will make it much easier for you to achieve the task of finding harmony and balance with your inner world. Without this it will be very difficult!

What to do when emotions overcome?

Let's assume that you are overtaken by violent emotions that are difficult to cope with. What to do in such situations?

1. Realize that you are under the pressure of emotions, so you need to take action and not mess things up.
2. Calm down, relax (relaxing will help), remember that your actions now may be irrational due to the feelings overwhelming you, so put off making decisions and conversations for another time. Calm down first. Try to soberly analyze the situation. Take responsibility for your feelings. Define this emotion within a general class (Ego, weakness, thirst for pleasure) or in a more specific form (pride, laziness, shyness, etc.).
3. Depending on the situation, either do the opposite of what your current state forces you to do. Or just ignore him, act as if he doesn't exist. Or simply take proactive measures so as not to do unnecessary nonsense (regarding this, I gave an example about the feeling of falling in love, at the beginning of the article: let it become a pleasant emotion, and not turn into an uncontrollable state that will push you to make decisions that you will later regret ).
4. Drive away all thoughts born of this emotion, do not bury your head in them. Even if you have successfully dealt with the initial emotional outburst, that is not all: you will still continue to be overcome by thoughts that bring your mind back to this experience. Forbid yourself to think about it: every time thoughts about a feeling come, drive them away. (for example, you were rude in a traffic jam, you don’t need to spoil your mood because of random rudeness, forbid yourself to think about all the injustice of this situation (stop the mental flow “he’s so and so to me, because he’s wrong...”), because this is stupid. Take a break. to music or other thoughts)

Try to analyze your emotions. What caused them? Do you really need these experiences or are they just getting in the way? Is it so smart to get angry over trifles, envy, gloat, be lazy and be despondent? Do you really need to constantly prove something to someone, try to be the best everywhere (which is impossible), strive to get as much as possible? more pleasure, laziness and grief? What will your life be like in the absence of these passions?

How will the lives of those close to you change when they stop being the target of your negative feelings? What will happen to your life if no one has malicious intentions towards you? Well, the latter is no longer entirely in your control (but only “not entirely”, I’m writing this article, which will be read by many people, which means I can do something about it ;-)), but you can still train yourself not to react to the surrounding negativity, let people who are filled with it keep it to themselves, instead of won't give it to you.

Don't put off this analysis until later. Train yourself to think and talk about your experiences from a position of reason and common sense. Every time, after a strong experience, think about whether you need it, what it gave you and what it took away, who it harmed, how it made you behave. Realize how much your emotions limit you, how they control you and force you to do things that you would never do in your right mind.

This is where I will end this long article about how to control your emotions. I wish you success in this matter. I hope all the material on my site will help you with this.