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Not only appearance paints the image of a person, but also his voice. After all, the way we speak depends on the characteristics of our psyche and, of course, on our mood.

website I decided to find out how the manner of speaking reflects the characteristics of our personality and correlates with how we are perceived.

Sometimes we all come across people who like to lisp and whose voice is like something out of a cartoon. The person who speaks this way may find it cute, but others associate this manner of speech with duplicity, the desire to please everyone, and even passive aggression. And it also seems that the person needs something from you.

This manner of speech causes great discomfort in the listener, so he strives to end the conversation quickly.

People whose profession involves commanding people often have a steely voice.(teachers, big bosses and military), so they're just used to talking like that. It is also found among those who in life love to give orders and do not tolerate objections.

Usually people have several reasons for speaking quietly:

• They are unsure of themselves and feel uncomfortable in company.
• As children, their parents constantly shushed them: “Be quiet!” They have formed the idea that if they speak loudly, they will disturb someone and seem intrusive.
• They are tired of life, they lack energy, they do not want active action.

It may seem that those who are confident in themselves speak in a raised voice. This is what such people count on - often in this way they hide their insecurities, the fear of being misunderstood and unheard.

They want to attract attention and add weight.

• There may be several reasons for the interlocutor’s slow speech:
• A person is used to weighing every word so as not to make mistakes. He is, as a rule, a little slow, but serious and thorough.
• He is arrogant and wants to attract attention to his speech. He doesn’t care at all that his interlocutor’s eyes are already sticking together.

Most likely, a person who likes to talk quickly is assertive by temperament - choleric or sanguine, he reacts quickly to everything.

• Or it could be that the person is insecure and thinks that others are not interested in listening to him. And he tries to finish the thought faster.
• As is the case with loud talkers, it is believed that chatters grew up in large families and tried to express their entire thoughts before being interrupted by one of their siblings.
• Well, or a person is angry about something, experiencing stress.

Ladies like men who speak in a deep voice, and women with deep voices are considered very attractive. We usually call such voices “velvety” or “volume” - they are really pleasant to the ear and are associated with maturity, authority and stability.

When you feel like a person is trying to seduce you with their voice, they probably are. But to understand this, it is important to evaluate the voice along with body language. In life they play the role of followers, but at the same time they are not averse to manipulating other people.

For example, the ancient Greek orator Demosthenes had a weak voice and spoke extremely indistinctly. His attempts to speak in front of the public ended in failure - his speeches only caused laughter.

But Demosthenes set about correcting the shortcomings of his speech. He eventually became a brilliant speaker and politician who went down in history.

We've all ever noticed a couple in a restaurant who have nothing to talk about, and they silently eat their dinner, sometimes exchanging everyday phrases: “Pass the salt!” There are also those who can chat for two hours without stopping, laugh, gesticulate, communicate with the waiter and sometimes even with the people at the next table. Remembering the latter, I always smile. A happy couple, filled with energy, discusses a million little things - they explore this world together and share their findings with each other, sending each other songs, links to lectures and videos, photos of their lunch. They have a story to tell. So what do happy couples talk about?

Confess their love to each other

How often do you tell each other that you love? Sometimes this is an emotional reaction to some kind of surprise gift, when you want to throw yourself on your neck, less often - a gentle voice on the phone when you miss him, who has gone on a business trip. Or maybe every evening before going to bed, when you want to snuggle, bury yourself and kiss, you whisper the most important words. "I love you!" - such a strong phrase that it makes it clear to those who hear it that he exists, that he is loved. And this seems to satisfy basic need in the recognition of every person.

There are, of course, different derivatives: “How I love you!” - tenderness in connection with some action or story or “I love it!” - undisguised admiration. The list goes on and on. But we all remember that without feeling, any words have no meaning, right? There are those who are afraid of these three words and run from them like fire. Don't worry: when you finally say them, it will mean a lot, a lot, both to you and to the person who heard it. But don't delay.

Planning life together

U happy couple a lot to do - plan working week so that you can go home together after work, or spend the weekend without being separated. Without fear of betrayal, breakups and hope for a “richer” candidate, they surrender to the moment, but think about tomorrow, and about the next year, and even the coming decade.

To the question: “Let’s plan where we’ll go for New Year?”, each of them usually answers with enthusiasm: “Exactly! We’ll save on tickets at the same time!” Because such couples know that no matter what happens, they will be together, and they will go through any test hand in hand, so that they can still celebrate the New Year on the ends of the earth.

They talk heart to heart

It is unlikely that it would occur to anyone to entrust their most intimate thoughts to a stranger (especially if he is not a psychologist). But should the person for whom you cook dinner (or order pizza) be considered a stranger? You can talk it out to your mom or your friend, and then come home with a smile, pretending that nothing is happening.

Why do they do this? Probably everyone has their own reasons, but happy people talk about them. If you have already chosen a life partner, then it would be better to get to know each other, right? Children's stories, the most secret dreams, never voiced fears - these are all part of your personality. If you were bitten by a dog as a child and now you are afraid of them, but every time he starts talking about the fact that a Tibetan mastiff will live in your new house, you just keep quiet, you have a problem brewing.

Most likely, for your sake, he will give up the idea of ​​​​having a four-legged friend or help you overcome your fear of dogs, opening the door to their fun life. Without revealing your secrets, you remain the unapproachable tip of the iceberg.

Discussing work

"How are things at work?" - she asks, yawning. "Fine!" - he answers, without looking away from the phone. “So we talked!” - I would tell them. What a question, such an answer. Talking about work, noticing trends, team relationships, development, or vice versa stagnation - this is a symptom of a good family. Sometimes you can spend the whole weekend thinking about the structure of a new department, together developing a portrait of an ideal employee, discussing the “blue ocean” for your business and the structure of the annual report. It even seems to me that this is incredibly exciting - an outsider’s view of a problem that seems huge to you, and after half an hour of discussion it simply disappears! When your man plays football or a video game, you root for him, right? Work is life's play! It is necessary to know all the key players, their strengths and weaknesses, team advantage and opponent. A career is at stake. They also say that without a woman and her support, a man will never be completely successful. Be his most active fan!

They sort things out

Raised tones, broken plates, dirty curses, or vice versa, a state of war: “don’t touch me,” “don’t talk to me,” “don’t even dare look” - in these examples, people have not yet learned to sort things out. In fact, “showdowns” are very useful for any family, and making them enjoyable is very simple. All you need is one Golden Rule: “The louder you speak, the worse they hear you.” Sometimes it is better to stop before the “storm” begins: to do this, you need to take a step back.

You can even come up with stop phrases - “I’m in the house”, “time stop” or raise your index finger up. After waiting as long as necessary - for some, three deep breaths, for others, a day - you can return to the pressing issue and discuss everything in a calm state.

Always talk about your feelings (“I”, “me”), trying to avoid denouncing and blaming your other half. For the same actions different people different reactions - what seems to you the height of injustice, for another will be a routine situation that does not touch a single chord. “That’s not what I meant at all!” - scratching the back of his head, your man will be surprised: “Now I will try to convey my thoughts better!” He explains that his words were a compliment in a humorous form, and not a threat, you smile, the world is restored.

Solve everyday issues

Lovers choose gifts for relatives and friends together; discussing who will make the bed or cook dinner (sometimes together, sometimes someone is too lazy); they agree on the little things from the series, which things to wash first, where to alter a button on a new shirt; Will she be watching her favorite melodrama on the big screen in the bedroom or alone in the kitchen with headphones on because he has an important Skype call.

When in the morning you really want to sleep for five more minutes, it’s at stake important question- who will go to the shower first; They ask each other: “Pass the phone, please, and could you bring me some water from the kitchen!” Oh, at the same time, take the wire out of the bag! And hygienic lipstick!” When he asked her to make tea, and she at the same time baked cookies or his favorite orange cake, brewing 10-year-old pu-erh instead of a bag, and he took it for granted without thanking him in return, this is called “domestic rudeness.”

Those who love solve this issue this way: “Thank you, you cooked, I’ll wash” (even if the kitchen after it looks like a battlefield). “Magic” words” - “thank you”, “please” - just like in childhood, have a magical effect, and a smile and hugs enhance it.

They are silent

There is an uncomfortable silence when you want to get out of it, but as luck would have it, not a single thought can be found. Words have no weight - unimportant things are discussed that could be kept silent about. For happy people, silence is different - it is very close, dear, when words are unnecessary, when they can destroy the beauty of silence.

He's driving, she's next to him, resting her head on his shoulder, the car is flooded with the rays of the morning sun, light jazz is coming from the speakers. Ringing silence, absorbing everything around and enhancing the impressions of simple things, giving birth to deep, true happiness - such moments are rare, but incredibly valuable.

• Act relaxed. It's hard to start a conversation when you're shaking with fear.
• Compliments - The best way melt the ice.
• Speak clearly and appropriately. If you mutter something under your breath, it will be much more difficult to talk to you.
• Remember that no matter who you talk to, you will always have something in common. We all deal with the weather, love good food and enjoy good mood and laughter. If in doubt, just talk to the person about why they are there. For example, if you meet at a bus stop, ask where he or she is going. If the person you're talking to is not from this city, ask about his or her life back home.
• Be bolder. Communication with people has become so necessary in our time that you should not allow yourself to be shy. If there is a reason to communicate, find a way to start a conversation. If you like someone's work, tell them so.
• It helps a lot if you are interested in what you are doing. If your life isn't interesting to you, it definitely won't be interesting to anyone else.
• When talking to another person, use body language. This will make the conversation more exciting and will last longer.
• If you are a shy person, then come up with a topic or two to talk about in advance.
• Expand your field of interests. It's always easier to start interesting conversations when you make an effort to develop your own interests. Be thoroughly familiar with the topic that interests you so that you can speak clearly and concisely about all the nuances that relate to it (the topic). Expand and deepen your interests, cultivate an interest in everything. Another way to do this is to ask questions about the interests of others. If your friend loves football, ask him which teams and players did well this year, or ask him everything about the league structure.
• Don't be afraid that the conversation will veer in a different direction. If an idea popped into your head during a conversation, it's probably related to him.
• Half of your success in communication comes from nonverbal cues, not necessarily what you say. Hone your nonverbal communication skills to appear more friendly and confident.
• If you're constantly having trouble getting conversations going, it could be that you're just not very good at expressing your interests (sharing them too little or too much), or you're hiding those interests out of fear that people will reject them (or reject you). At some point you will realize that you need to learn how to interest people if you want to be interesting.
• Make mental notes of interesting and funny things you saw or heard during the day. For example, someone said something funny or you were doing something interesting with friends, whatever. This way, you will have more things to talk about.

When I was in graduate school, we went to scientific conference to Kyiv. At one of the meetings we met a professor from China - he was giving a report on the influence of language on culture. Afterwards, he invited us to attend a Chinese tea ceremony in a newfangled Chinese cafe. The ceremony was similar to a dance with a tambourine: I didn’t remember at all what kind of tea we drank, but there were a lot of ritual actions from a tea master who studied this craft for 5 years from Chinese monks somewhere in the mountains (according to him). He spoke beautifully about the peculiarities of the tradition, including mentioning that compared to the Japanese tea ceremony, where everything is strictly regulated, from the position in which one should drink tea to the topics of conversation while drinking tea, the Chinese ceremony is distinguished by relative freedom of choice. Here I decided to ask a few questions. Firstly, what are typical topics of conversation over tea? For example, it is not customary for the British to discuss income and personal life, so British weather and football are acceptable topics. On the contrary, we love to discuss low wages and the hardships of life. Secondly, what do a husband and wife usually talk about over an evening cup of tea? To the first question they told me that you can talk about whatever you want. And on the second? The Chinese professor, who had been silent until then, suddenly perked up: “A husband and wife? But our husband and wife don’t talk...”

So here it is, the secret of the demographic surge in China: we must not talk, we must do business.

Seriously, choosing the right topics for conversation at the table, during a friendly meeting or on a date is a very important issue in our culture. I once read that in one South American tribe there is such a ritual: anyone can go into someone else’s house, sit at the threshold and spend some time in silence, and then leave just as silently. They consider this a manifestation of friendly participation. The very presence of a person in your home matters as a sign of respect and attention: “I appreciate you so much that I found a little time to spend with you, but I don’t want to distract you and your family with unnecessary conversations...”

Remember the moment from the movie Trainspotting when the girls were talking about guys, the guys were talking about girls, but when the girls ask: “What are you talking about here?” the answer follows: “About football. And you? - About shopping? Gossiping with friends or girlfriends about former and current relationships, peppering conversations with intimate details is familiar to us. In this regard, there is a joke: Masha, let's sleep. - Okay, just don't tell your friends. - Well then there’s no need...

If this is a married couple, then there are also traditional themes. The Chekhov duet from the Comedy Club often demonstrates this to us using the example of sketches about the oligarch Anton and his wife Lenochka. The prevailing theme is: where did the wife spend all the money? It must be said that this topic is typical not only for oligarchs. In ordinary families with low incomes, there is often talk about holes in the family budget, for which the woman is to blame. When the family does not have enough money and any unplanned purchase can make a hole in the family budget, the woman takes the blow and plays along with her husband, protecting his authority as a breadwinner: oh, I’m such a spender, I bought so much and didn’t notice how I spent all the money ... In fact, she bought washing powder, chicken and 5 kg of potatoes, and she also specially drove two extra stops to get to the store where today there are discounts on washing powder, and then she carried it all on herself home.

Indeed, in my entire life I have never met a single woman who would thoughtlessly buy up half a jewelry store just to cheer herself up. There's an episode in "It Could Be Worse" where Frankie accidentally buys $200 worth of cream without seeing the zero on the price tag, and they don't have enough money to pay the bills. Her husband stops talking to her, and she thinks that he is offended by her. As a result, he admits to her that he is angry with himself and says: “Well, what kind of man am I if one random purchase throws our family off track for a month?” In general, it seems to me that talk about female shopaholism in our family is greatly exaggerated.

But what to talk about if this is a first date? There was a period in my life, things of the past - a little over ten years ago, when I decided to look for a man to start a family on the Internet. At that time, I still had an excellent student complex, so I approached the task in detail. I took some good photos and registered on a dating site. But we still had to prepare for the conversation on the first date. It seemed important to me, and it still seems important to me, that people have something to talk about. After all, we are not in China, so I adopted the saying “Marry a man.” you love to talk to, as you get older his conversational skills will become as important as any other,” and, in preparation for dating, instead of buying myself a new, more revealing dress, I reread several of my favorite books, repeated poems that I knew by heart (suddenly the conversation turns to literature and poetry), read the news on the Internet (suddenly we’ll discuss how terrorists hijacked a plane again), watched a couple of films that won an Oscar that year (suddenly they’ll ask me what my favorite film is) , learned several quotes and aphorisms about life, love, friendship and work (in case I can show my erudition).

This was my idea of ​​how to impress a man. What followed was a piece of life that I designated for myself as traindating - a series of blind meetings that did not have a second chance. To be honest, mostly until real meetings

In general, as you can imagine, I haven’t had much success with dating, let alone anything else. During a personal meeting, I splashed out on the victim an information flow weighing several GB in an hour. And then there were two options: I was tired of myself, like an animator in a SpongeBob costume at a children’s party, and the man was in a hurry to leave with the words “just don’t call me, I’ll call myself.” The second scenario was no more joyful: if the man still showed interest and did not run away within an hour, then in the further conversation it very often turned out that he was married.

In general, it’s logical: if a man is more interested in talking about Shakespeare’s work than the prospect of sex, it means that he already has available sex, and what’s missing is talking, because our husband and wife also often come to the point where they stop talk. Then I began to be sure to ask the question about the existence of a relationship - and it turned out that unavailable men were looking for meetings in droves.

In general, about a year of such life, and I began to admire Scheherazade. How did she manage to tell fairy tales for three years in a row, not to be disappointed, not to despair and not to give up, but to find new strength, new themes, new ideas, without receiving in return any hope for a happy outcome for herself? Since then she has been my hero. She, of course, had a strong motivation: she literally fought for life. As for me, I gradually worked on my mistakes, changed tactics and began to remain silent. But it got worse.

Having had the opportunity to speak, the men began to retell to me the stories of their weddings and divorces, relationships with ex-wives and mistresses. They told me what kind of girls they had - one student, the other fat, how the ex-girlfriend cheated with a Greek when they were in Greece, how they went on vacation with their wife before the divorce, and then everything was fine, but now the ex-wife won’t let see the child, blah blah blah.

It all boiled down to the fact that I began to give advice on how best to behave with my ex-wife, explain why my daughter did not want to talk, and this began to irritate me, because being an amateur psychotherapist on the first date is even worse than Scheherazade. “Well, why don’t they understand at all? - I thought. - You came to meet a woman. Do you really think that a tearful story about former ladies of your heart will strengthen your position with me? We are not 15 years old, and I, too, once had something with someone somewhere, why remember this at the first meeting?”

Then I decided to change tactics once again: not to let the man take the initiative in the conversation by asking leading questions. Things got really bad because the dates turned into interrogations. I lacked a Gestapo uniform and a lamp with a bright light to point at my interlocutor’s face. What is your profession? How do you like to relax? What films do you watch? Where have you been this summer? Where did the partisans go? In short, I very soon got tired of it, and I gave up the idea of ​​online dating.

I hasten to note in passing that I still found a worthy interlocutor, although a little later and not on the Internet. But I understand perfectly well that such a bitchy feminazi like me had little chance, maybe even less than Scheherazade herself, of not losing her head, and the more now I appreciate what I have...

So what should you talk about with a man? Yes, talk about whatever you want. The main thing is that this conversation is interesting for both of you.

Please note that here we will not talk about necessary conversations about business, work, etc. or about conversations on a spiritual topic.

But first, let's give some statements ordinary people, what they talk about when visiting or with friends and acquaintances, for example, during a meeting or on the phone. These examples will clearly show that in such conversations there is only emptiness, vanity and condemnation, and we draw attention to the fact that people usually think that this is all normal and good.

Internet sources: 1). “We need to talk to guests about what would be interesting to them, what they know about... You should ask more about the successes of, say, their children, but if you know that their son is a drug addict, it’s better to skip this topic. Talk about the dacha, your last vacation, plans for the New Year...., the rules of good manners do not allow talking at the table about diseases and methods of treating them, much less demonstrating them...” 2). “When visiting, you can talk about friends, favorite films, politics, cars, children, TV shows. In general, the best way to find a topic is to turn on the TV. Someone will say something, and then the rest will follow.” 3). “We were sitting in the kitchen in the evening with my husband’s friends, and I caught myself thinking: we were talking about the same thing: work, cell phones, computers...., and somehow I felt sad. Each meeting is similar to the previous one. Is it really like this for everyone? (Answers to this question) –– We talk about everything. Mostly about all sorts of nonsense. Philosophical conversations somehow remained in early youth. Whoever is in pain sets the tone. For example, yesterday the whole evening the conversation revolved around real estate. –– We’re talking with friends about current affairs: clothes, work, cars, shops, naughty children, etc. –– I mostly communicate with colleagues, so about work... With friends we discuss their and my problems, as well as mutual acquaintances, films and so on. –– With those who are colleagues, of course, work, in addition, about the team, families, children, vacation plans. With old friends - just a little bit about work, but mostly: what we are reading now (read recently), how we liked it, article O it/not st O It means reading what you watched, where you went (cinema, theater), where you went (business trips or vacations), about mutual acquaintances, about politics, computer-related topics, women, families, children, places of entertainment (where you visited, liked it/no, art. O it/not st O it to walk), city news, global news, school/college memories, weather, technology, weapons and several hundred more diverse topics. – And my friends and I sit over a cup of coffee in a cafe and sometimes evaluate passing men, predicting what he will be like in bed. They are so interestingly embarrassed. We usually talk about work, plans, healthy food, exercise, relationships between opposite-sex representatives of the human race. –– I have one very close friend. With it I can wash the bones of absolutely everyone. Talk about everything. And all the other friends, acquaintances receive from me only that information that will not damage my reputation, just like I do from them. And conversations with such interlocutors are either neutral or based on something that connects us (child, study, work)” 4) “What are you talking about with each other? (Answers) –– Today for some reason I talked to everyone... about football! –– About the political situation in Egypt. –– About beautiful, tasty things, about fishing. –– I'm talking about our mutual friends. – In general, about everything that you saw, that you heard, that you dreamed about. –– We can chat for a long time. and about all sorts of bullshit, a la “what I see, I sing.” “It’s interesting with friends when you can discuss everything, from relationships to who bought what shampoo recently.” 5) “And I love retelling films. ...I lose the thread, get confused in the readings, but I love it!”

(I hope some readers have already seen from these examples the emptiness of these conversations)

Below is an excerpt from the work “Characters” ancient Greek philosopher 3 centuries BC Theophrastus, and we do this because it gives an example of how some people behave who like to talk a lot. “Talkativeness - if you want to define it - is, say, incontinence in speech, and that’s what a chatterbox is. To the first person he meets, in response to every word, he repeats that all this is nonsense, but he, they say, knows everything better, and whoever listens to him will be convinced of this. And while the interlocutor is answering, the chatterbox interrupts him with these words: “Don’t forget to say more about this here,” “It’s good that you reminded me,” and “That’s how useful it can be to chat,” and “It slipped my mind,” and “You quickly realized what was going on!”, and “I’ve been waiting for a long time: will you come to the same conclusion as me.” He then comes up with other expressions of the same kind, so that the person he meets does not even have time to rest. And then, having exhausted the patience of all passers-by one by one, he is also able to take on people busy talking about business and put them to flight. ...And if the interlocutor says that he is in a hurry to get home, then the chatterbox is even ready to follow him and accompany him home. And when asked what’s new in the people’s assembly, he will also tell about the famous competition of orators..., about the battle of the Lacedaemonians..., and about what speeches he himself made with great success in the people’s assembly; at the same time, he inserts accusations against the crowd into his story, so that the listeners either forget what he is talking about, or fall into a doze, or even leave in the middle of the speech. Participating in court, a chatterbox prevents other judges from making decisions, in the theater - from neighbors watching a play, and at the table does not allow fellow diners to eat. He admits that it is torment for a chatterbox to remain silent and that his tongue is boneless: it will not stop chattering, even if it turns out to be more talkative than a swallow. Even his own children laugh at him: when they want to sleep, they ask him: “Dad, chat about something so that we can fall asleep quickly.”

And now let us present the denunciations and teachings of the holy fathers.

Usually people, including Christians, talk only about earthly affairs and things, about other people and about themselves.

Ignatiy Brianchaninov(Ascetic sermon, Teaching for the 27th week): “When we come together for a friendly conversation, often, if not always, most of this conversation consists of gossip about our neighbor, ridicule of him, slander, humiliation, denigration of him. Sharp words flow like a river, laughter and laughter are heard as signs of approval - in this unfortunate time of self-forgetfulness and self-delusion, our souls become familiar with demonic properties and are imbued with the poison of hypocrisy.”

John of Kronstadt(My life in Christ, 1072): “How much people lose in home conversation, to enliven it, by not talking about God! ... Not talking about God in home circles, but talking about the vanity of the world, they soon become exhausted in conversation, get bored and then kill precious time in stupid games or dances. … “Vanity of vanities is all vanity” (Eccl. 1,2).”

Moral theology by E. Popova(Sins against the 9th Commandment, sin: Idle talk and talkativeness): “This is talk about the weather, about the prices of things, about tastes, and among animal lovers, about their breed, and even to the last subtleties of the type or character of another animal! Isn't this idle talk? They will say: “What else is there to talk about? Why was the tongue given to man if we embarrass ourselves so much in conversation? There may be conversations about family needs, about how best to perform a craft or position; …and so on. But of course, the most useful and important thing would be conversations about spiritual subjects, and this would already be a spiritual conversation (we are not talking about it this time). However (excluding scientific and spiritual-moral subjects) all those innocent conversations that we have just pointed out should not be lengthy: otherwise we will not avoid verbosity, and in verbosity we will not avoid sin.”

John Chrysostom(vol. 8, part 1, b. 18): “What is better, tell me: to talk about people’s affairs, judicial, military affairs, or about heavenly objects and what is going to happen after our departure from here? What is better: to talk about a neighbor and his affairs and generally to engage in other people's affairs, or to talk about angels and subjects related to our own benefit? Your neighbor's affairs don't concern you at all; and heavenly objects also apply to you. Yes, they say, you can say everything about this at once. But why don’t you think like that about what you conduct empty and vain conversations with each other, but, spending your whole life on this, you never exhaust the subjects for such conversations? I'm not even talking about what's much worse than this. People who are still modest talk about those subjects among themselves; and the more idle and careless in their conversations circle around jesters, dancers, runners, desecrating their hearing, corrupting their souls in such conversations, intoxicating their nature with voluptuousness and bringing into their imagination all sorts of vicious images with such conversation.”

Monk Agapius(Salvation of Sinners, Part 2, Chapter 23): “Think, listener, about the state Church of Christ. You'll see what it's like in last days. And you'll burst into tears. In the whole mystical Body of Christ you will not find a healthy and undamaged place. ... They talk only about earthly and temporary matters. Rarely do you hear a word about God and Divine things. … If the life of a Christian should testify to him as a child of God, then what do we call today’s people? Christians or ungrateful and unappreciative? Oh, their thoughtless idleness, as if they were immortal! All their thoughts are only about the suffering earthly body, about food and clothing, how to increase wealth in order to leave it behind. What hope of salvation can such madmen have?”

Isidore, Metropolitan. Novgorod(compiled by M. V. Barsov. Collection of articles on the interpretative and edifying reading of the Four Gospels, 1893, vol. 1): “(The sinner) is controlled by pride, and his word always inclines towards what feeds or irritates self-love. The inclinations of the sons of this age are different, the passions that dominate them are different, but they all come from one root. It is difficult to imagine how diverse the subjects of conversation are in secular circles, where this very diversity is considered perfection and a sign of education; but if we listen carefully, in all this diversity there is one subject. In the world, everyone incessantly talks only about themselves. This amounts to distinctive feature his tongue. The selfish one talks about losses, about his poverty, about plans to get rich and obstacles to that, with envy he talks about how others are rich, what intrigues and deceptions they used to achieve this, and concludes that although he is poorer, he is also more honest than others. Among idle people, devoted to absent-mindedness and vain pleasures, it is difficult to even grasp a specific topic in a conversation. These are, in the words of the Apostle Jude: “waterless clouds carried by the wind... fierce waves of the sea, foaming with their shame” (Jude 1:12-13). In the uncontrollable stream of idle talk, one can only hear stories about who saw or heard what spent time that brought pleasure or trouble, where he hopes to find new entertainment and kill time. Here there is an abundance of all kinds of slander, slander, blasphemy, barbs, ridicule. Everyone praises what he likes and tramples into the dirt those who are not like him. at him in order to seem purer himself. ... If they even decided to pretend or, for whatever reason, began to talk about high, spiritual subjects, then this difference would be noticeable in the very manner of speech.”

I would like to dwell on idle talk when everyday communication with relatives. Of course, loved ones should communicate, but, unfortunately, in this communication there is a lot of idle talk, condemnation, etc. It usually seems to us that if we don’t talk to our family in different topics, even empty and sinful, it will distance us from each other, or we will not even know how your neighbor lives. As if this were true, but let's look at such conversations from the other side. For example, an adult daughter comes home from work and talks to her parents over dinner, talking about how harmful her boss is, or something about some employee. At the same time, parents become filled with anger and indignation at the boss or listen with interest to gossip about someone. What kind of talk is this? It is clear to the naked eye that this is continuous condemnation and discussion. And it turns out that the sin of the tongue now binds relatives, and this is not the information that allows you to know more about a loved one, because, in essence, this is talking about others. There is no useful or necessary information here. Stop this talk of condemnation and discussion, then we will have nothing to talk about. This is the simple truth about most of our conversations with family...