Both organizations and families are systems. For the successful operation of the system that is marriage, the implementation of four roles is necessary. Firstly, fulfilling many responsibilities: taking care of each other, caring for the house and children, providing the income the family needs, etc.

Being a system, the family needs discipline and rules - otherwise there will be no order in it. The arrangement must change depending on the circumstances because marriage is a long-term choice and must evolve over time to remain functional. And finally, unity and harmony should reign in the family, based on intimacy, mutual assistance and... love.

So, four different roles must be implemented in the family in order for all these actions to become possible: Production (P), Administration (A), Entrepreneurship (E) and Integration (I), which make up the abbreviation PAEI. When one or more roles are not fulfilled, something will be missing in the marriage, and it risks breaking on the rocks.

All four PAEI roles cannot be combined with each other at the same time, and no one person can perform them alone at the same time. Thus, marriage is a complementary team, where one of the partners takes on one part of the roles, and the other takes on the rest. This explains why opposites attract.

The trouble is that when people with dissimilar behavioral styles come together, conflicts arise among them. The conflict can go into a destructive phase and lead to divorce. And it can help further development and self-realization. It depends on whether there is mutual respect and trust in the family.

This is a book about mutual respect and trust and how to develop and nurture them in your family.

From the foreword by Isaac Adizes

For many years that I have been working with hundreds of companies and thousands of managers, in their reviews clients tell me that they apply the Adizes methodology, which we taught them in consultations, in their family life. People note that it changes their family relationships for the better. Some even believe that she saved their marriage. I'm talking about the normal difficulties of mutual understanding and other things that everyone faces in marriage, and not problems that result from personal psychological shortcomings that require separate professional intervention.

I was asked to write a book about how Adizes' methodology applies to family life. The problem is that I don't have time for this at all. I have worked hard for years advising large corporations and government leaders around the world. When was I supposed to write a book like this?

As luck would have it, Yehezkel and Ruth Madanes became interested in my theory and asked permission to write a book on using the PAEI Adizes Guide style code for the Enneagrams, their own specialty. I agreed, and their book was published and translated into three languages.

Then I learned that they not only teach how to use the Enneagram. They conduct family and relationship training based on the Enneagram. “Why don’t you try to use Adizes’ theory in the same way?” - I asked them.

They really liked the idea, and that's how this book was born.

Who is this book for?

For everyone who wants to strengthen their family.

Now let's talk about the rules for building strong relationships.

• The first rule is. This may sound banal, but without this feeling there can be no talk of a strong relationship.

• Second rule - forget the past, and not only your own. Under no circumstances should you torment your partner with all sorts of questions about your first love or previous relationships before marriage. For himself, he has already learned certain “checkpoints” from past relationships and it is not at all necessary for you to know them and is even contraindicated! It is necessary to behave in such a way that every day your loved one is convinced of the correctness of his choice and makes plans for your future together.

• The third, important rule concerns . Each of us has our own established habits, which are inherent in us by nature, living conditions and character, and sometimes getting rid of them is a big problem. A habit is not a desire that can be controlled, it is an action on a subconscious level, control over which must be developed over time.

• Also, you should not force your partner to take actions that are not typical for him. Let's say your boyfriend/girlfriend is faced with a certain choice. All you can do is give them support with advice, but in no case impose a template on how you would act. This is their life and their choice, which they can and should determine themselves. Even if they make the wrong choice and then make a mistake, they will learn a real life lesson. As for personal space, every partner should definitely have it. For some, these are dance classes, for others, creativity, sports, regular meetings with friends, the main condition of which is an action performed without a partner. You must take a break from each other, it is impossible to be together around the clock, this does not improve the relationship, and sometimes even the opposite.

• The fourth rule of a strong relationship is that you need to learn the technique of compromise. This does not mean that you need to accumulate unexpressed grievances within yourself; on the contrary, you should say them. But do this in private, delicately, without raising your voice or using harsh expressions.

• Fifth, take an interest in the hobbies of your other half. Naturally, your husband’s hobbies should not necessarily be your hobbies. For example, if you are a woman, no one forces you to become a fan of football or fishing. But you can inquire about the result of a football match or praise your spouse for bringing in the catch, even if it consists of small fish.

• The sixth rule is that it makes no sense to ignore or downplay the quality of the sexual side of the relationship. Sex allows you to distance yourself from stressful situations and restrictions, allows you to make peace and get closer to your partner. As soon as sex is at a low level, conflicts and problems begin to arise literally out of nowhere. The sexual world is much more intimate and hidden for a person than other areas of life, so dissonance in sex is perceived by partners much more emotionally than all everyday quarrels. Downplaying the importance of sex is a common barrier to developing and improving relationships. Sexual life is an area where partners create their own unique intimate world, which they protect and build together.

• And the last, perhaps the most important rule - of course, it is necessary to strive for the ideal in a relationship, but you should not make this desire the goal of life. There is no absolutely perfect relationship, and every couple goes through their own difficulties. But the end result is important - whether you were able to overcome them together or gave up.

About the book


So, four different roles must be implemented in the family in order for all these actions to become possible: Production (P), Administration (A), Entrepreneurship (E) and Integration (I), which make up the abbreviation PAEI. In case one...

About the book
Both organizations and families are systems. For the successful operation of the system that is marriage, the implementation of four roles is necessary. Firstly, fulfilling many responsibilities: taking care of each other, caring for the house and children, providing the income the family needs, etc.
Being a system, the family needs discipline and rules - otherwise there will be no order in it. The order must change depending on the circumstances, since marriage is a choice for many years, and over time, in order to remain functional, it must evolve. And finally, unity and harmony should reign in the family, based on intimacy, mutual assistance and... love.
So, four different roles must be implemented in the family in order for all these actions to become possible: Production (P), Administration (A), Entrepreneurship (E) and Integration (I), which make up the abbreviation PAEI. When one or more roles are not fulfilled, something will be missing in the marriage, and it risks breaking on the rocks.
All four PAEI roles cannot be combined with each other at the same time, and no one person can perform them alone at the same time. Thus, marriage is a complementary team, where one of the partners takes on one part of the roles, and the other takes on the rest. This explains why opposites attract.
The trouble is that when people with dissimilar behavioral styles come together, conflicts arise among them. The conflict can go into a destructive phase and lead to divorce. And it can help further development and self-realization. It depends on whether there is mutual respect and trust in the family.
This is a book about mutual respect and trust and how to develop and nurture them in your family.

From the foreword by Isaac Adizes
For many years that I have been working with hundreds of companies and thousands of managers, clients have told me in their reviews that they apply the Adizes methodology, which we taught them in consultations, in their family life. People note that it changes their family relationships for the better. Some even believe that she saved their marriage. I'm talking about the normal difficulties of mutual understanding and other things that everyone faces in marriage, and not problems that result from personal psychological shortcomings that require separate professional intervention.
I was asked to write a book about how Adizes' methodology applies to family life. The problem is that I don't have time for this at all. I have worked hard for years advising large corporations and government leaders around the world. When was I supposed to write a book like this?
As luck would have it, Yehezkel and Ruth Madanes became interested in my theory and asked permission to write a book on using the PAEI Adizes Guide style code for the Enneagrams, their own specialty. I agreed, and their book was published and translated into three languages.
Then I learned that they not only teach how to use the Enneagram. They conduct family and relationship training based on the Enneagram. “Why don’t you try to use Adizes’ theory in the same way?” - I asked them.
They really liked the idea, and that's how this book was born.

Who is this book for?
For everyone who wants to strengthen their family.

About the authors
Dr. Itzhak Calderon Adizes is one of the world's unsurpassed business consultants, a brilliant specialist in the field of effective business process management. Founder of the Adizes Institute, which is one of the top 10 consulting companies in the world. Branches of the Adizes Institute exist in 15 countries. Dr. Adizes is a scientific consultant for the Executive MBA and MBA programs of the IBDA, honorary doctor of the Russian Academy of Economy and civil service under the President of the Russian Federation.
Isaac Adizes has been leading his professional activity. During this time, he was a teacher at the University of California, Stanford and Jerusalem Universities, acted as a business consultant for several hundred leading companies, and served as a political consultant to the governments of the heads of Sweden, Brazil, Greece, Israel, Iceland, Mexico and Macedonia. Among the companies with which Adizes worked are Bank of America, Coca-Cola Bottling, IBM Brazil and many more companies in 52 countries.
Author of 29 books translated into 26 languages. One of scientific theories Adizes' theory of company life cycles is described in his book "Corporate Life Cycle Management." The essence of the theory is that any company, like any living organism, goes through different stages of development: birth, childhood, adolescence, etc. The company experiences growing pains and all the problems that any living organism faces during its life. Adizes' theory is a kind of elixir of eternal youth for the corporation.
One more famous theory Adizes, explaining the typologies of managers, is described in the book “How to overcome management crises.” According to Dr. Adizes, there is no ideal leader. According to his PAEI model, to achieve effectiveness, a leader needs four qualities: P - producer of results (producer), A - administrator (administrator), E - entrepreneur (entrepreneur), I - integrator (integrator). All this cannot be combined in one person, so it is necessary to have several strong managers at the helm of the corporation.

Ruth and Yehezkel Madanes, M.S. humanitarian knowledge, are professional life coaches who have been using the Enneagram as a core tool in their practice for nearly a decade. They learned the strategic intervention method in a coaching training program with Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes. Yehezkel and Ruth are the President and CEO of the Madanes School of the Enneagram in Coaching, which has developed a best-selling book series and a widely acclaimed online certification training program that provides consultations, lectures and one-on-one coaching sessions. They have shared their innovative methodology with leading corporations, as well as thousands of students, teachers and parents in many countries.
3rd edition.

This book presents an interesting concept of marriage and family. Like any other concept, this one has a clear definition and interpretation, the author has laid out everything very clearly and added clear examples, laid it out on the shelves and brought everything under my concept.

Marriage is seen here as a system, the successful operation of which requires four components:
P - production (actions)
A - administration (organization and order)
E - entrepreneurship (fresh ideas)
I - integration (feelings, support)
All four components are necessary to create a strong family. In each of the spouses, these components may manifest themselves to a significant / predominant degree, sufficiently / minimally possible, or not manifest themselves at all. In order for all four roles to exist and work in a marriage, it is important to ensure their presence and maintain balance.
The complementary qualities of the spouses are what will help best here. The title of the book says exactly this: you can be absolutely different people, but use these differences for good. The point is to understand the nature of this otherness and figure out what to do about it.

The book helps you understand how things are in your family and what components you and your spouse have. As you read, the vision may change - more information, more understanding; Moreover, the unambiguity is somewhat smoothed out. Perhaps it would be worth increasing the scale of gradation of the predominance of the role in a person - I still cannot mentally put my feelings into three levels: predominant / manifests itself a little / does not manifest itself at all. However, due to the smoothing out of that same unambiguity, a deeper understanding comes that does not require formal definitions.
It also explains why it is so important to have all four components; theory is enough so that not only an understanding of what is written is born, but one can also guess what was not written - so that one can transfer it to reality, make corrections and not leave the essence.
There are also specific instructions on what to do if some role is insufficient or, conversely, some role is redundant. As in conflict situation understand what role in you is speaking and what role in your spouse is currently answering you - and what to do with it, how to structure a conversation, how to formulate thoughts in a form that is necessary and understandable to others.

The concept is interesting, and after getting to know it, it’s interesting to look at your own family from this point of view, with a new look. The main thing here is to remember that this is just a concept. Yes, it’s nice to suddenly begin to realize something new, to notice, to look from a different angle; but still, bringing everything under it and trying to push everything into some new framework means narrowing the boundaries.
In general, the book is useful, I would recommend it at least to get acquainted with one more concept, one more vision.