God never blinks online.

Introduction

My friend Katie once sent me an excerpt from the book Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury. In it we're talking about about how many years ago one boy became seriously ill. People couldn't understand what was wrong with him. His life was simply fading away. No one could help him until the ragpicker Mr. Jonas showed up. He told me to rest quietly and listen. The boy slept on a cot in the yard, Mr. Jonas whispered to him, and then he reached over and picked an apple from a tree.

The ragman sat next to the patient for as long as it took to reveal to the boy the secret inside him. I didn’t know that I myself kept the same secret in my soul. Some people come into this world more fragile. Like tender fruits, they are easily wounded, cry more often, and are overcome by sadness from a young age. Mr. Jonas knew all this because he was one of those people himself.

Jonas's words changed something in the boy, and he recovered. These words changed something in me too. Some people are easily hurt. I'm one of those people.

It took me forty years to find and maintain happiness. I always felt that at the moment of my birth God must have blinked. He missed this event, never knowing that I was born. My parents have eleven children. I love them with all my heart, as well as my brothers and sisters, but sometimes I feel like the forgotten kitten from a large litter. As Katie often noted, I was the smallest of the kittens. As a result, at six years old I was a child who was led astray by nun teachers, at sixteen I was a heavily drinking lost soul, at twenty-one I gave birth without a husband, I graduated from university at thirty, for eighteen years I was a single mother and only forty finally married the man who carries me in his arms.

At forty-one I was diagnosed with cancer. It took a year to defeat the disease, another year to recover from this fight.

When I turned forty-five, I lay in bed thinking about everything life had taught me. My soul began to flow, ideas flowed like a river. The pen simply picked them up and transferred them to paper. I printed my thoughts, turning them into forty-five lessons in a newspaper column that life taught me. The editor didn't like my work. As does his editor. I begged them to publish it anyway. Cleveland readers of the Plain Dealer loved my lessons.

Cancer has made me brave enough to speak directly to my bosses. When you have cancer, you are sick, bald and weak from chemotherapy, there are few people who can do anything worse to you. For me, celebrating my forty-fifth birthday was a victory. Breast cancer made me doubt that I would be able to go through this much. Three of my aunts died from this disease: one at forty-two, another at forty-four, the third at fifty-six, so the situation looked bleak.

But I survived. When I turned fifty, I completed five more lessons, and the newspaper began publishing this column again. And then something amazing happened. People from all over the country began sending letters. Priests, nurses and social workers asked for reprints to be printed in brochures, church publications, and small town newspapers. Representatives of all faiths and those who do not consider themselves to be of any religion found something close to their hearts in my lessons. Although I talk about God in some of the lessons, people have seen them as universal truths. I've heard of agnostics and atheists who carry their lesson lists in their wallets, hang them on their office walls, and stick them with magnets on their refrigerators. People from all over the world post these lessons on websites and blogs. Every week since the column began publishing, emails have been sent from Australia in Zanesville, Ohio, asking for several copies of the paper. It was my most popular column in twenty-four years in journalism.

Most of my essays first appeared in the Plain Dealer or Beacon Journal. Some have never been published anywhere before.

Life gave these lessons to me, and I give them to you.

There are books that you want to read leisurely. Keep them on hand and enjoy them while slowly sipping your tea. Fifty chapters, fifty life lessons, a collection of fifty published columns by a woman with an interesting life story. This is all about the book “God Never Blinks” by Regina Brett.

“My life was similar to the tag we played as children. If you are besieged, you need to freeze and stand in the position in which you were caught. When something happened to me, I froze like a statue, because I was afraid of making the wrong move, making the wrong decision. The problem is that if you stay still for too long, that becomes your decision.”

This is already a fairly standard way of books appearing: once upon a time there was a man, minding his own business, suffering and afraid, rejoicing and rejoicing - and then suddenly he found out that he had cancer! And then life changed dramatically, discoveries happened, revelations came. Yes, tests, when we pass them with dignity, give us new knowledge directly in sensations, and not in theoretical letters, change the quality of life when we have the courage to take responsibility and start doing something differently. But sometimes I think: how nice it would be if it were more books written simply happy people without these painful stories!

“My brain is colorblind. He sees only black or white, yes or no, all or nothing. The gray matter between my ears does not notice that the world is painted in all shades of gray, and does not understand that life is not an exam. which you can either pass or fail.”

Yes, yes, this is familiar to me. Categorical, dividing everything and everyone into black and white, right and wrong... And so I accept some concept as the only true one, and I believe in it, and I defend it, and I break my forehead defending it. And after a while I begin to see the situation differently, and I hurt my forehead in the opposite direction. Where did so much effort and energy go? Eh! Who has the same brain? Join our glorious company!

There is wisdom in the phrases that I am quoting now. However, we have already read so many phrases like this, right? In the book, each such thesis is accompanied by a story: lively, sincere, touching. I read and remembered “Chicken Soup for the Soul,” but there are only stories, but here there are thoughts, discoveries, and morals. Everything goes deeper than just words of wisdom.

What will I take with me?

Again and again about the art of small steps and horse blinders:

“...Don’t look into the abyss, don’t speculate on how gigantic a leap will be needed. This will prevent you from taking the next small step.

If you want to lose twenty kilos, order a salad instead of fries. If you want to become good friend, call, and don’t speculate about what you’ll say. If you want to write a novel, sit down and write one paragraph.

It's scary to change your life dramatically, but usually we don't have the courage to take the next right step. This is exactly the step you need to raise a child, get a diploma, write a book and do whatever your heart desires.

What's your next right step? Whatever it is, make it..."

“Sometimes it seems to me that a day is too much, and then I live the day, hour by hour, moment by moment. I break down a task, a problem, a fear into small pieces. I can chew on a piece of fear, depression, anger, pain, sadness, loneliness, illness. Sometimes I put my palms to my face like horse blinders. This is how I remind myself to live in the moment. Blinders help horses focus on what's ahead. Thus, they cannot see what is happening to the right and left, and cannot be scared or distracted. They don't see what's going to happen, so they change their hooves and move on. I put on blinders and tell myself, “Don’t look to the past, don’t look to the future.” And then I take a step, another step, another step.”

That phrase that I will share with people looking for “their soulmate”

“Make your life so wonderful that it won’t matter if anyone comes into it. Seize every opportunity to make new friends, meet new people, go on an adventure. Live the life of your dreams. As soon as you stop chasing the butterfly, it will gently land on your shoulder.”

Prepare for anything and then trust the flow.

A reminder to live life to the fullest

“You don't need a cancer sentence to start living a fuller life. Light candles every day. What a wonderful reminder that life is short and that what matters is present moment! Close the book that does not dazzle you with its splendor.

Greet every morning with open arms and be grateful for every night full of feeling. Every day is a precious gift that should be enjoyed and used, not left unopened, not saved for a future that may never come.”

Your happiness is in your hands - and only in yours. You are the chief executive of your destiny.

Choose happiness right here and now. When you feel like you are in a mood that you don’t want to be in, ask yourself: “What would a happy person do now?” Practice being happy. Act like you're happy.

Strong question and good solution

“When I have to make a decision, I ask myself which option will improve my life. And then I choose him.”

Every time you encounter a so-called disaster, ask yourself, “Will this still matter in five years?”

Passionate desire to get fucked to the fullest

“Yes, life and every day of it is a gift, but it is not tied with a bow. Many years ago, a Jesuit priest reprimanded me for living too cautiously. He said that it was like I had been given an amazing dress and I was so afraid of getting it dirty that I sat in the corner and didn’t participate in the party.

No cake, no punch, no games. I don't want to get spoiled.

He was right. I was so afraid of falling, so afraid of not being able to cope, so afraid of life that I waited on the sideline of the field and just watched. Now everything is different. Cancer knocked the crap out of me.

I'm at a party and I'm going to make as much noise as I can and I'll probably be the last one to leave."

Three simple steps that can change your life

1.Choose something to say no to.

It could be an unhealthy relationship with a man, with a credit card, with a donut shop. You know what. Choose. What happens if you say no? “No” to projects that you don’t necessarily have to do. “No” to anyone (whether at church, at school, at work) who asks you to devote your time and talent to yet another committee or responsibility. Check your calendar. Is there something in it that you really want to do this month? Grab some sticky notes and make time for yourself, for joy, passion and love.

2.Pick something to say yes to.
Maybe you will say “yes” to love yourself as you are, waist circumference and all.

To forgive the one you miss. To finish my studies, to retire early, to try to start dating again. Deep down you know what it is. “Yes” to a more relaxed lifestyle, weekend walks, wonderful books, oil painting, a trip to Greece, piano lessons, pedicures. Say yes to what makes your life and the world around you better. We're not going to take a huge leap. Total just the next one a small step. What step will you take?

Regina BRETT

GOD NEVER BLINKS

50 lessons that will change your life

Introduction

My friend Katie once sent me an excerpt from the book Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury. It talks about how many years ago a boy became seriously ill. People couldn't understand what was wrong with him. His life was simply fading away. No one could help him until the ragpicker Mr. Jonas showed up. He told me to rest quietly and listen. The boy slept on a cot in the yard, Mr. Jonas whispered to him, and then he reached over and picked an apple from a tree.

Jonas's words changed something in the boy, and he recovered. These words changed something in me too. Some people are easily hurt. I'm one of those people.

At forty-one I was diagnosed with cancer. It took a year to defeat the disease, another year to recover from this fight.

Most of my essays first appeared in the Plain Dealer or Beacon Journal. Some have never been published anywhere before.

Life gave these lessons to me, and I give them to you.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good

This baseball cap always comes back to me, a little more faded and tattered, but stronger than ever.

It all started with Frank. I had my first chemotherapy and couldn't believe I was now bald. I saw a guy wearing a baseball cap with the words “Life is good” on it.

Life didn't seem good to me at all, and things were about to take a turn for the worse, so I asked the guy where he bought the hat. Two days later Frank came across town and gave me one. Frank is a magical guy. A painter by profession, he lives two in simple words: "I need".

They remind my friend to be grateful for everything. Instead of saying, “I have to go to work today,” he says, “I have to go to work.” Frank doesn't say, “I have to shop,” but goes and does it. Instead of saying, “I have to take the kids to baseball practice,” just getting lucky. This approach works in everything.

If this baseball cap had been worn by someone other than Frank, it probably wouldn't have had such power. The baseball cap is dark blue, with an oval patch on which this slogan is written in white letters. And life was good. Even though my hair and eyebrows fell out, my body became weak. Instead of wearing a wig, I wore a baseball cap - it was my answer to cancer, my poster for the whole world. People love to stare at a bald woman. When they stared, they received my message.

I gradually recovered, my hair grew back. I put away my baseball cap when suddenly my friend was diagnosed with cancer and she asked me about it. At first I didn’t want to part with this headdress. The baseball cap was my treasured amulet. But I had to give it to another person. If I had not done this, luck would probably have turned away from me. The friend promised to get better and give the baseball cap to someone else.

When the cap returned to me, each time it looked more and more worn and shabby, but each woman had a new spark in her eyes. Everyone who wore the lucky Chemo Cap is still alive and well to this day.

Last year I gave it to my friend and co-worker Patrick. At thirty-seven he was diagnosed with colon cancer. Patrick received a baseball cap, although I was not sure of its healing power. My co-worker told his mother about the cap and that he himself was now a new link in this chain of healing. His mother found Life of Good Inc., the company that made our Chem Cap and many other products with the slogan “Life is Good.” The woman called the company, told the story of our amulet and ordered a whole box of the same ones. She sent these baseball caps to Patrick's closest friends and relatives. They took pictures in them. Throughout the refrigerator, Patrick hung pictures of his university classmates, their children, dogs, and even lawn figures wearing “Life is Good” baseball caps.

The guys from Life of Good Inc. were very touched by Patrick's mother's story. They called an all-staff meeting, organizing a "Transition Happy Chem Cap" event, and donated their baseball caps to those who needed support. They sent Patrick a photo of all one hundred and seventy-five employees of the company wearing these caps on their heads.

Patrick completed chemotherapy and is now feeling fine. He was very lucky: his hair didn’t even fall out, but only thinned. He never wore the famous mascot, but the cap's power extended to my friend. The baseball cap lay on the table by the stairs, and Patrick could see the slogan every day. It helped him get through the really bad days when he wanted to stop chemotherapy and give up. Anyone who suffers from cancer knows days like these. Even those who have never had cancer are familiar with them.

As it turned out, it was not the cap, but the slogan that supported us all and forced us to move on and on. Life is really good.

Pass it on to someone else.

When in doubt, just take the next right step.

My life was similar to the tag we played as children. If you are caught, you need to freeze and stand in the position in which you were caught. When something happened to me, I froze like a statue, because I was afraid of making the wrong move, making the wrong decision. The problem is that if you don't move for too long, that becomes your decision.

In the Charlie Brown Christmas special, in which Charlie stops going to see Lucy, the five-cent psychiatrist, there is an episode where Lucy tries to diagnose Charlie. If he is afraid of responsibility, then he has hypongiophobia. But Charlie Brown isn't sure that's his greatest fear. Lucy tries her best to identify the patient's illness. If he is afraid of stairs, he must have climacophobia. If he is afraid of the ocean, it means he suffers from thalassophobia. Or maybe he has gephyrophobia - a pathological fear of crossing bridges. Finally, Lucy finds a suitable diagnosis - pantophobia. When she asks Charlie if this is the disease he suffers from, he asks what it is. The answer both shocks and reassures him. What is pantophobia? It's fear of everything. Bullseye! Here it is, Charlie Brown's diagnosis. And mine too.

Regina Brett is an American journalist who became famous for her philosophical “50 Life Lessons.” For some reason, the Internet decided that these lessons would be more convincing if they were presented by a 90-year-old woman. It was with this explanation and a photograph of an elegant old lady that the “lessons” went viral. So who is Regina Brett really?

With this photo, “Lessons from Regina Brett” was distributed online. This is not Regina Brett.

Regina Brett was born in 1956. She was the eleventh child in the family and felt like “the forgotten kitten of a large litter.”

“I always felt that at the moment of my birth God must have blinked. He missed this event, never knowing that I was born.”

At the age of 16, she already washed down her problems with alcohol, at 21 she gave birth and raised her daughter alone, and at 41 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She managed to overcome the disease and this moment became a turning point in her life. At the age of 45, she met her true love and made a brilliant career in journalism. It was at age 45 that she wrote her famous column in the Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper that made her famous.

Regina Brett

Initially, there were 45 lessons (according to the number of years lived), but then the journalist added five more. “50 Lessons” immediately became one of the most popular publications in the history of the publication. Since then, hundreds of thousands of people around the world have received 50 lessons on email. Regina Brett was quoted on Twitter and Facebook, and at one point on social media she was referred to as a 90-year-old woman.

“I often get messages: ‘You look incredible for being 90 years old. You probably have a painting that is aging instead of you.” No, there is no Dorian Gray magic here. It’s just that when I wrote my 50 life lessons, users quickly sent them all over the world, and someone added: “Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old.” And so it began.
I don't know if I'll live to be 90. But to be honest, I'm not afraid of getting old. After surviving cancer at 41, I realized that getting older is not as scary as dying young.”

Regina Brett recently released a book in which she turned 50 lessons into deeply personal, sometimes funny and touching essays.

Here are 50 lessons from Regina Brett, published by the 50-year-old journalist in May 2006.

50 lessons from Regina Brett

“To celebrate the onset of adulthood, I have formulated 45 lessons that life has taught me.

This column has become the most popular column I have ever written. My odometer has added five more lessons since then. I present to you the complete list:

1. Life is unfair, but still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste it on hatred.

4. Don't take yourself too seriously. No one else in the world treats you like that.

5. Pay off your credit card debts monthly.

6. Don't try to win every argument. Agree or disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's healthier than crying alone.

8. It is okay to be angry with God sometimes. He will understand.

9. Save for retirement from your very first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with the past so that it does not spoil your present.

12. It’s not scary if children sometimes see your tears.

13. Don't compare your life to other people's. You have no idea what other people are going through.

14. If your relationship has to be kept secret, it's not worth your effort.

15. Life can change in the blink of an eye. Don't worry: God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long, meaningless parties. When you don't fill your day with activities, you spend it dying.

17. If you live in the present, you can handle anything.

18. Writers write. If you want to become a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. What your second childhood will be like depends only on you.

20. When the time comes to pursue what you truly love, don't take no for an answer.

21. Light candles, use nice sheets, wear nice lingerie. Don't put anything off until a "special occasion": your "special occasion" is today.

22. Prepare for a long time, act without doubt.

23. Be bright now. Don't wait until you're old to wear bright purple.

25. No one is responsible for your happiness except yourself.

26. If something seems like a terrible disaster, ask yourself if it will matter in five years.

27. Always choose life!

28. Forgive everyone and everything.

29. What others think of you is their business, not yours.

30. Time heals almost everything. Just give it time.

31. No matter how terrible the situation may seem, it will definitely change.

32. Your job won't take care of you if you get sick. Friends will do it. Save your friends!

33. Believe in miracles!

34. God loves you because he is God. Just like that, not for your actions or thoughts.

35. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

36. Don't be afraid to grow old! There is only one alternative: die young.

37. Remember: your children only have one childhood.

38. Read the psalms. They cover all human emotions.

39. Get out of the house every day. Miracles are waiting for you outside the door.

40. If people could put their problems in a common pile and then choose any - believe me, you would choose yours!

41. Don't analyze your life. Just get up and take action now.

42. Get rid of everything except what is useful, beautiful or gives you pleasure.

43. You loved - and that is ultimately the only thing that matters.

44. Envy is a pointless waste of time. You already have everything you need.

45. But the best is still yet to come!

46. No matter how bad you feel, get up, get dressed, take action.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask for what you need, you won't get it.

49. Give in.

50. Life is not tied up with a festive bow, and yet it is a gift!

Escher and Julia, who became the beginning and the end of this book

God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life's Little Detours

* * *

REGINA BRETT is a famous American journalist, author of a column in the largest newspaper in Ohio, the Cleveland Plain Dealer. Twice she was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in the category “For Commentary” and a winner of numerous awards for her journalistic work. Hosts a weekly radio show.

LIFE HAS TESTED THIS WOMAN'S STRENGTH SINCE CHILDHOOD. “I ALWAYS FELT THAT AT THE MOMENT OF MY BIRTH GOD WAS SURELY BLINKING. HE MISSED THIS EVENT WITHOUT KNOWING THAT I WAS BORN.”

"God Never Blinks is a collection of ideas that can change the world."

Deepak Chopra, doctor, writer

“Regina Brett has a gift for tracking the moments that shape who we are. Her lessons are delivered with cheerfulness, humor and bold honesty. She gave us a beautifully executed atlas of life’s roads.”

Jeffrey Zaslow, co-author of The Last Lecture (with Randy Pausch)

“I'm going to give a copy of this book to my 82-year-old father. I will buy another one for my 16 year old friend. This wise, heartfelt, and honest book is a detailed blueprint for a happy and fulfilling life. Her lessons are timeless and always on time.”

Thrity Amriger, writer

“A wise, kind and very emotional book. She encourages you to change something in your life.”

Anastasia Makeeva, theater and film actress

Introduction

The ragman sat next to the patient for as long as it took to reveal to the boy the secret inside him. I didn’t know that I myself kept the same secret in my soul. Some people come into this world more fragile. Like tender fruits, they are easily hurt, cry more often, and are overcome by sadness from a young age. Mr. Jonas knew all this because he was one of those people himself.

Jonas's words changed something in the boy, and he recovered. These words changed something in me too. Some people are easily hurt. I'm one of those people.

It took me forty years to find and maintain happiness. I always felt that at the moment of my birth God must have blinked. He missed this event, never knowing that I was born. My parents have eleven children. I love them with all my heart, as well as my brothers and sisters, but sometimes I feel like the forgotten kitten from a large litter. As Katie often noted, I was the smallest of the kittens. As a result, at the age of six I was a child who was led astray by nun teachers, at sixteen I was a heavily drinking lost soul, at twenty-one I gave birth without a husband, I graduated from university at thirty, I was a single mother for eighteen years and only at forty finally I married the man who carries me in his arms.

At forty-one I was diagnosed with cancer. It took a year to defeat the disease, another year to recover from this fight.

Most of my essays first appeared in the Plain Dealer or Beacon Journal. Some have never been published anywhere before.

Life gave these lessons to me, and I give them to you.

Lesson 1
Life isn't fair, but it's still good

This baseball cap always comes back to me, a little more faded and tattered, but stronger than ever.

It all started with Frank.

I had my first chemotherapy and couldn't believe I was now bald. I saw a guy wearing a baseball cap with the words “Life is good” on it.

And life was good. Even though my hair and eyebrows fell out, my body became weak. Instead of wearing a wig, I wore a baseball cap - it was my answer to cancer, my poster for the whole world. People love to stare at a bald woman. When they stared, they received my message.

We call our mascot the Chemocap.

I don’t know how many women have worn it over the past eleven years. I've lost count. So many friends have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Arlene. Joy. Cheryl. Kate. Sheila. Joan. Sandy. Over and over, one woman passed the baseball cap to another.

When the cap returned to me, each time it looked more and more worn and shabby, but each woman had a new spark in her eyes. Everyone who wore the lucky Chemo Cap is still alive and well to this day.

She sent these baseball caps to Patrick's closest friends and relatives. They took pictures in them. Throughout the refrigerator, Patrick hung pictures of his university classmates, their children, dogs, and even lawn figures wearing “Life is Good” baseball caps.

This helped him get through the really bad days when he wanted to stop chemotherapy and give up. Anyone who suffers from cancer knows days like these. Even those who have never had cancer are familiar with them.

As it turned out, it was not the cap, but the slogan that supported us all and forced us to move on and on.

Life is really good.

Pass it on to someone else.

Lesson 2
When in doubt, just take the next right step.

In the Charlie Brown Christmas special, in which Charlie stops going to see Lucy, the five-cent psychiatrist, there is an episode where Lucy tries to diagnose Charlie. If he is afraid of responsibility, then he has hypongiophobia. But Charlie Brown isn't sure that's his greatest fear. Lucy tries her best to identify the patient's illness. If he is afraid of stairs, he must have climacophobia. If he is afraid of the ocean, it means he suffers from thalassophobia. Or maybe he has gephyrophobia - a pathological fear of crossing bridges. Finally, Lucy finds a suitable diagnosis - pantophobia. When she asks Charlie if this is the disease he suffers from, he wonders what it is. The answer both shocks and reassures him. What is pantophobia? It's fear total. Bullseye! Here it is, Charlie Brown's diagnosis. And mine too.

I stumbled through high school. In those days, my compass was alcohol. I went to a university close to home because I couldn’t imagine all the steps that would have to be taken to enroll, start studying, leave home, and live in a dorm somewhere far from my hometown of Ravenna, Ohio.

Every day I took the bus from Ravenna to Kent. I traveled those ten kilometers not because Kent State University is good, reputable and inexpensive (which it is), but because I could not imagine the huge leap it would take to go and do what my three older sisters and brother did . They studied at Ohio State University, one of the largest educational institutions countries. And in Kent my little world remained small and safe. I ate in the cafeteria with the guys I went to school with.

After studying for a year or two, I failed chemistry. It became too difficult for me, so I stopped visiting her. I changed my specialization three times. At twenty-one she became pregnant and left the university. I stopped drinking forever, but began to change jobs over and over again. Transportation clerk. Secretary of the District Defender. Office manager. Funeral assistant taking bodies to the place of civil funeral service. These classes just weren't right for me.

What should I have done with my life? The future was overwhelming. And then one friend (we went through rehabilitation together, were treated for alcoholism) suggested this: just take the next right step.

And that's all? I can do this.

Usually we know exactly what step needs to be taken, but it is so small that we do not notice it, because our gaze is directed into the distance, we see only a terrible giant leap instead of a tiny simple step. And we wait. And we wait. And we wait, as if a detailed Master Plan will appear before us, unrolled at our feet, like a red carpet.

Even if this had happened, we would never have dared to step on this path.

I wanted to graduate from university, I wanted a job that I would love and not endure through force, but what specialty should I choose? Where will I get money for training? Where will I end up working? So many unanswered questions have accumulated.

And then one day my mother told me the next right step. She suggested, “Just find a catalog of study items.”

And that's all? I can do this.

I took out the catalogue. Then she opened it. Then I skimmed through the pages, using a marker to highlight lectures that I would like to attend simply because I found them interesting, and not because I wanted to get a degree in some field.

I sat on the floor in the living room and flipped through the pages. At first, as a child whose favorite subject is recess, she noted outdoor activities, horseback riding, walking excursions and camping trips. Then I crossed out a couple of psychological and creative disciplines. And then a bunch of items related to English. I read all the course descriptions on every page until I found a real gem. Writing news notes. The art of reporting. Magazine periodicals. Creating an article. Wow! I studied every subject I could from anthropology to law, and when I was done, I scrolled back and looked at which subjects I emphasized the most.

Literature.

I attended one class. And then one more thing. And one more thing.

When in doubt, take the next right step. Usually this is something quite simple. As Edgar Doctorow said, writing a book is like driving a car at night. “You only see what the headlights of your car illuminate, no further, but this way you can go all the way.”

The same goes for life. My car's headlights only pick out a hundred meters of road from the darkness, but even with such poor lighting I can drive all the way to California. I need to see just enough light so that I can move on.

I graduated from Kent State University with a degree in journalism when I was thirty. Ten years later, she received a master's degree in religious studies from John Carroll University. I never set out to become a master. If I counted how many years (five), money (thousands of dollars) and time in the classroom I would spend on this, for homework, studying (late evenings, lunch breaks, weekends), I would never have sent in my first tuition check.

I just took one class, then another, and another, and one day I graduated from my universities.

I can say the same about how I raised my daughter. I never could have imagined that for eighteen years of her childhood and adolescence I would be a single mother. My daughter graduated the same month I received my master's degree. The good thing is that at twenty-one, when I gave birth to her, I didn’t know how much time, money and sacrifice it would take for her to celebrate her graduation. Otherwise I would simply be horrified.

Every once in a while, some expert comes up with an estimate of how much it costs to raise a child. It turns out to be a six-digit figure. It doesn't scare away potential parents, but if anyone were to consider how much time and effort it takes to raise a child, humanity would become extinct.

The secret to life, success, raising children is not to calculate the cost. Don’t look into the abyss, don’t think about how big a leap you’ll need. This will prevent you from taking the next small step.

If you want to lose twenty kilos, order a salad instead of fries. If you want to become a good friend, call, and don't judge what you'll say. If you want to write a novel, sit down and write one paragraph.

It's scary to change your life dramatically, but usually we have the courage to take the next right step. This is exactly the step you need to raise a child, get a diploma, write a book and do whatever your heart desires.

What's your next right step? Whatever it is, make it.

Lesson 3
Life is too short to waste it on hate

The children did not see their father for ten years.

Can you blame them?

They didn't speak to him for four years.

There was nothing to talk about.

Their father never stopped drinking. Like many alcoholics, I tried more than once, but failed again and again. He could get sober, but he couldn't stay sober for long.

My friend Jane tried to save her marriage, despite broken promises and no money in her bank account. She pulled the children. He was sipping alcohol.

For twenty years Jane was with him. Her husband was a great guy when he didn't drink. He had a big heart and knew how to make people laugh. He wasn't touchy. His fault was that he did not pay attention to his family. Didn't stay long at any job. Couldn't pay bills. Couldn't do what he was supposed to do. As a result, the family began to fall apart.

And then one day Jane finally left what was left of their marriage. They divorced in 1979. The children were still teenagers then: eldest daughter seventeen, youngest thirteen, son fifteen. Their father appeared in their lives and then disappeared again. I called once every few years. I tried to go to therapy and quit. And he always started drinking again.

Gradually, the father completely disappeared from their horizon. They haven’t seen each other for ten years, and haven’t spoken on the phone for four years. But one spring, a hospital in Parma, Ohio, contacted my son: they were looking for next of kin.

The son called his mother. Jane told me it felt like she had been punched in the stomach when she heard, “Daddy has terminal cancer.”

And something strange happened. All the years of pain and anger disappeared.

My friend's ex-husband had no money or family. He did not remarry. He never saw his six grandchildren. He was in bad shape. The man had been in the hospital for about a week. Previously, he had an operation, a cancerous tumor of the colon was removed, his family didn’t even know about it. He had very little time to live.

My friend took the children to the hospital to visit their father. She did not enter the room herself. Jane got married and had new life. She had not seen her first husband for twenty years and did not want to upset him with her presence, did not want to be upset herself, did not want to show weakness in front of the children.

Jane sat at the door of the room and thought about what she needed to do. On the way home, she told the children that she would pay all medical expenses. Then she helped transfer my father to a hospice. Every day I went with the children to the patient to support, but never crossed the threshold of the ward. She didn't belong there.

IN last days the dying father and children became a family again. The grievances are forgotten. When they talked about the past, they looked for good memories. The children told their father that they loved him, and discovered that they really did.

Jane and the children planned the funeral, chose a coffin and flowers. They decided not to hold a wake: they did not want to offend their father by the fact that hours would pass without those invited to appear, or they would appear but would ask about all the lost years.

The family wanted their father to die the way he couldn’t live – with dignity. The man passed away in June and they all found new peace. They were free, like the deceased. He will no longer be tormented by cancer or alcoholism.

One of the daughters read her own poem. Others recalled happy moments. My friend thanked everyone who came. She paid for hospital bills, for hospice care, for funerals, for flowers - for everything.

When I asked why she did so much to help a man who had hurt her so much, Jane answered simply: “He was their father.”

How can a person come to such forgiveness and love?

For some it is just charity, for others it is hard work.

If you don't feel that kind of mercy, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous explains in detail how you can forgive all wrongs. This method helps everyone who wants to bring it to life. The book says that, if there is deep resentment in your life, it can only lead to unhappiness and emptiness. According to the book, grievances obscure the light of the Spirit.

In the chapter “Liberation from Slavery,” one person writes about an article he once read from a priest.

“If you have an offense from which you want to be freed, pray for the person or thing that outrages you, and you will be freed. If in prayer you ask for your offenders everything that you want for yourself, you will be freed. Ask for them health, prosperity, happiness - and you will be freed. Even if you don’t really want the best for them and your prayers are just words, and in reality you don’t wish this for the offenders, ask anyway. Pray like this every day for two weeks, and you will find that you gradually begin to actually wish the best for those who have hurt you. You will understand that where there used to be bitterness, resentment, and hatred, now compassion, understanding and love live.”

I tried to do this. The result is amazing.

Sometimes, when I have a lot going on, I have to call upon the desire to pray for that person. And it always appears.

Do you want to free yourself from anger, hatred, resentment? Free others first. By freeing her ex-husband, Jane herself was freed from the first part of her life, just as her children were freed forever.