Vocation formula. Seven rules for choosing a university

Nellie Litvak

Editor Polina Suvorova

Project Manager I. Seregina

Corrector E. Chudinova

Computer layout A. Fominov

Cover designer S. Timonov

Cover photo photo bank Shutterstock

All rights reserved. No part electronic version This book may not be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet or corporate networks, for private or public use without the written permission of the copyright owner.

* * *

Who am I and why am I writing this book?

Instead of a preface

I'll start by introducing myself.

I am a mathematician, a university teacher with extensive experience. She started teaching in Russia, and now has become a professor at a Dutch university.

Did you know that a huge number of people work just to ensure their livelihood? I am a member of that very lucky minority who truly love their job. I enjoy working with students. I like it when at some point a click occurs in their head, and they suddenly understand something that just a week ago seemed like complete gobbledygook. I like to see how quickly their teenage skin falls off and how they begin to appreciate as adults what is truly important: intelligence, talent, responsibility, a job well done.

I cannot define in a few words what higher education is. But I know: this is exactly what happens to my students during their five years at university. I consider it an honor to be allowed to participate in this process. And may mechanical engineering students never need the theory of probability that I teach in their working lives. I know that my lectures and exams will not pass without a trace for them - this is also part of the process. And let my students become smarter and more successful than me. There is no greater happiness for teachers than successful, accomplished students! And new students will come to the university, who will then become smarter and more successful than the previous ones.

I'm a fan higher education. And don’t even try to prove to me that there is a more beautiful thing in the world!

Several wonderful years await today's applicants, which many later remember as best years life. How can you make the most of this enormous opportunity and make the most of it?

Due to my profession, I travel a lot, communicate with colleagues - university teachers from different countries and I know a lot about the higher education system in different parts of the world. But I know the Russian and Dutch systems especially well, from the inside.

In Holland, schools and universities pay great attention to helping high school students choose a university. And I really wanted to help graduates of Russian schools.

I see from my own high school daughter how necessary this help is. What should you pay attention to when choosing a specialty? What information other than passing score, is especially important when choosing a university? What should you study at the institute, and what should you gain in practice? What are the pros and cons of humanitarian, socio-economic and technical education? Where, besides science, is knowledge of mathematics, physics, chemistry, biology needed? Is it normal when a girl goes to college to get a degree or to get a husband? How to realize the unlimited possibilities of our time?

I have no doubt that I can help you, if not choose a specialty, then at least calm down and feel confident. But first, I’ll tell you how I myself chose a university at one time. Trust for trust.

How it was for me

I am the same excellent student for whom all subjects were equally interesting. Or uninteresting. Of all the subjects, mathematics and literature stood out. Faculty of Mechanics and Mathematics or Philology. Nice spread! Finally, my grandmother pushed me to a decision. She said that if I like mathematics, then there is no more suitable education: mathematics is a specialty that is both fundamental and universal. Yes, I'm lucky. Grandmother is a teacher with extensive experience, grandfather is a professor. Their advice was worth listening to, and, looking ahead, I will say that they hit the nail on the head. I chose mathematics and never regretted it (although I had some doubts when my younger sister finally entered the philology department).

Well, okay, then it's mathematics. Where, at what university? Try to enroll at Moscow State University or stay in his native Nizhny Novgorod, where also good university? Of the two options, I chose... the third. I decided to enroll in St. Petersburg. Why? Because I had a very original friend, with whom I was in physical education camp. There we made friends with the head of the computer room, to whom we later all academic year Once a week they came to sit at the computer. People didn't have computers at home back then. And then, by the way, the Internet also didn’t exist yet or almost didn’t exist. We were busy writing programs that drew three-dimensional pictures. But that's not what this is about. A friend had an older sister, also quite a big original. She went to study in St. Petersburg at the Faculty of Mathematics and Mechanics of the State University. A friend spoke with delight about her sister and her life in St. Petersburg. My friend herself was also planning to go there. Well, me too. At that time I was still in love with a boy who did not pay any attention to me, and I thought - the further away from him, the better. This is how I - a serious girl, a gold medalist at a physics and mathematics school - made one of the main decisions in my life!

So, I came to St. Petersburg. It's 1989. Tell your parents this date and watch how their faces twist with memories of nightly queues for chicken and sugar on coupons, one kilogram per person per month. I came to St. Petersburg with my mother. I submitted the documents and went by train to Peterhof, where, in fact, the Mathematical Department was located. I found a friend and saw how her sister lived. The hostel didn’t scare me; I wanted an independent student life. But somehow there was something wrong with everything together. If it’s a hostel, then why in St. Petersburg and not in Moscow? My friend has a sister and some relatives here, but I have absolutely nowhere to go. I felt uneasy. And my mother, of course, was worried how I would survive alone in Peterhof with a total shortage of food and the coupon system. And is it worth it when hometown is there a good university? My mother and I returned from Peterhof at a loss. I was so glad that she was with me!

We talked all evening: should we stay or go home? Finally my mother said, “I don’t know. I won't be at ease if you're here. But it's up to you. If you want to study in St. Petersburg, please do so. Otherwise, you need to pick up your documents tomorrow and urgently go to Nizhny.” Mom went to bed, leaving me alone with my doubts.

The acceptance of documents at the University of Nizhny Novgorod ended in two days, which means that the decision had to be made today, right now. I couldn't close my eyes. Finally she stood up, took a pen out of her bag, and found a piece of paper. I drew this piece of paper into four squares. In one column she wrote: Nizhny Novgorod. In another: Peter. Then in each column, in the top square, I wrote all the pros, and in the bottom - all the cons that I could think of. After that, in each square, I rated each item on a ten-point scale, closing the other three so that the ratings in different squares did not influence each other. After that, I added up all the pros and cons in each column. Nizhny Novgorod won by one point! And I felt my soul immediately feel better. A sure sign the right decision! I returned to bed and immediately fell asleep, and in the morning I rushed to pick up my documents and buy train tickets.

I applied to the Faculty of Computational Mathematics and Cybernetics of Nizhny Novgorod state university one hour before the admissions office closes.

This decision naturally led to other decisions and events. I can't say that everything went smoothly. For example, in my first year I married for great love, but in the end the marriage did not work out. I left my husband, went to Holland, and raised my daughter alone. Then she married again, again for love, to her mathematician colleague. And now I teach higher mathematics in Dutch to Dutch students.

I don’t know what would have happened if I had stayed in St. Petersburg. But based on common sense and life experience I’m almost sure that I would win in some ways and lose in others. I probably would have had a different life. So what? There are many possible scenarios, but we are given only one to live. And we will never know whether this option was the most successful and happy.

My life is going well in many ways. I have a loving family and a job I love, which also pays quite decently. And although this is not a million-dollar income, it is enough for me, and I never aspired to big money.

Editor Polina Suvorova

Project Manager I. Seregina

Corrector E. Chudinova

Computer layout A. Fominov

Cover designer S. Timonov

Cover photo photo bank Shutterstock

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet or corporate networks, for private or public use without the written permission of the copyright owner.

* * *

Who am I and why am I writing this book?

Instead of a preface

I'll start by introducing myself.

I am a mathematician, a university teacher with extensive experience. She started teaching in Russia, and now has become a professor at a Dutch university.

I am a fan of higher education. And don’t even try to prove to me that there is a more beautiful thing in the world!

Today's applicants have several wonderful years ahead of them, which many later remember as the best years of their lives. How can you make the most of this enormous opportunity and make the most of it?

Due to my profession, I travel a lot, communicate with colleagues - university teachers from different countries and know a lot about the higher education system in different parts of the world. But I know the Russian and Dutch systems especially well, from the inside.

In Holland, schools and universities pay great attention to helping high school students choose a university. And I really wanted to help graduates of Russian schools.

I see from my own high school daughter how necessary this help is. What should you pay attention to when choosing a specialty? What information, besides the passing grade, is especially important when choosing a university? What should you study at the institute, and what should you gain in practice? What are the pros and cons of humanities, socio-economic and technical education? Where, besides science, is knowledge of mathematics, physics, chemistry, biology needed? Is it normal when a girl goes to college to get a degree or to get a husband? How to realize the unlimited possibilities of our time?

I have no doubt that I can help you, if not choose a specialty, then at least calm down and feel confident. But first, I’ll tell you how I myself chose a university at one time. Trust for trust.

How it was for me

Well, okay, then it's mathematics. Where, at what university? Should I try to enter Moscow State University or stay in my native Nizhny Novgorod, where there is also a good university? Of the two options, I chose... the third. I decided to enroll in St. Petersburg. Why? Because I had a very original friend, with whom I was in physical education camp. There we became friends with the head of the computer room, to whom we later visited once a week to sit at the computer throughout the school year. People didn't have computers at home back then. And then, by the way, the Internet also didn’t exist yet or almost didn’t exist. We were busy writing programs that drew three-dimensional pictures. But that's not what this is about. A friend had an older sister, also quite a big original. She went to study in St. Petersburg at the Faculty of Mathematics and Mechanics of the State University. A friend spoke with delight about her sister and her life in St. Petersburg. My friend herself was also planning to go there. Well, me too. At that time I was still in love with a boy who did not pay any attention to me, and I thought - the further away from him, the better. This is how I - a serious girl, a gold medalist at a physics and mathematics school - made one of the main decisions in my life!

So, I came to St. Petersburg. It's 1989. Tell your parents this date and watch how their faces twist with memories of nightly queues for chicken and sugar on coupons, one kilogram per person per month. I came to St. Petersburg with my mother. I submitted the documents and went by train to Peterhof, where, in fact, the Mathematical Department was located. I found a friend and saw how her sister lived. The hostel didn’t scare me; I wanted an independent student life. But somehow there was something wrong with everything together. If it’s a hostel, then why in St. Petersburg and not in Moscow? My friend has a sister and some relatives here, but I have absolutely nowhere to go. I felt uneasy. And my mother, of course, was worried how I would survive alone in Peterhof with a total shortage of food and the coupon system. And is it worth it when there is a good university in your hometown? My mother and I returned from Peterhof at a loss. I was so glad that she was with me!

The acceptance of documents at the University of Nizhny Novgorod ended in two days, which means that the decision had to be made today, right now. I couldn't close my eyes. Finally she stood up, took a pen out of her bag, and found a piece of paper. I drew this piece of paper into four squares. In one column she wrote: Nizhny Novgorod. In another: Peter. Then in each column, in the top square, I wrote all the pros, and in the bottom - all the cons that I could think of. After that, in each square, I rated each item on a ten-point scale, closing the other three so that the ratings in different squares did not influence each other. After that, I added up all the pros and cons in each column. Nizhny Novgorod won by one point! And I felt my soul immediately feel better. A sure sign of the right decision! I returned to bed and immediately fell asleep, and in the morning I rushed to pick up my documents and buy train tickets.

I submitted documents to the Faculty of Computational Mathematics and Cybernetics of Nizhny Novgorod State University an hour before the admissions office closed.

I don’t know what would have happened if I had stayed in St. Petersburg. But based on common sense and life experience, I’m almost sure that I would win in some ways and lose in others. I probably would have had a different life. So what? There are many possible scenarios, but we are given only one to live. And we will never know whether this option was the most successful and happy.

I travel all over the world: I’ve been to America and Australia, I know Paris and New York well. I have many interesting acquaintances and friends. I'm happy with this script in every way. This means that there is no point in doubting, let alone thinking about what could have been!

Editor Rose Piscotina

Project Manager I. Seregina

Technical editor N. Lisitsyna

Proofreaders M. Savina

Computer layout E. Sentsova, Y. Yusupova

Cover artist I. Yuzhanina

Litvak N.

Our good teenagers / Nelly Litvak. – M.: Alpina non-fiction, 2010.

ISBN 978-5-9614-2295-5

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic copy of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet or corporate networks, for private or public use without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Introduction

Why me?

My name is Nelly, I am 38 years old, I am a mathematician, I live in Holland and work at one of the Dutch universities. I have two daughters. The eldest is sixteen, and the youngest is four.

I consider one of my main achievements in life to be my trusting relationships with eldest daughter. Natasha is an absolutely normal teenager, nothing like me at that age. I have always been an excellent student, an activist, a good girl with all the joys and complexes that entailed. And this one is interested in fashion, girlfriends, modern music and all sorts of expensive electronic toys. Every month she dyes her hair, every day she lines her eyes to match the color of her T-shirt and the flowers on her sandals. She paints on her nails either tic-tac-toe, or zebra stripes, or some kind of pearlescent shimmer, which takes two or three precious hours of her youth. A cheerful girl, far from being the first student in the class, dreams of a scooter, changes boys, and so on, and so on... With her explosive character in her face, I could have a little witch in the house and live for several years with screams and slamming doors. But we have peace and silence, and despite all our differences, my daughter trusts me, loves to spend time with me, gets scared when I’m unhappy, and listens when problems arise. At the same time, I am far from an authoritarian mother and have never even really punished her.

While writing my first notes, I realized that it doesn’t end with solving problems. This is how the second part of the notes arose: about why communicating with teenagers is interesting and fun and how it can be done.

To my great joy and amazement, the Alpina Non-Fiction publishing house responded to the proposal to publish my notes about teenagers. We quite quickly agreed to make this book and agreed on the content, which, in addition to the first notes in two parts, included three more chapters. The third chapter is about a teenager’s activities with and without parents. The fourth is about conflicts and how to avoid them or at least reduce their number. And the fifth chapter is about upbringing and education in Holland, where the approach to these issues is very different from the Russian one and will be of interest to Russian parents. I must admit that I learned a lot of what I want to talk about from my Dutch parents. And they have a lot to learn. According to the latest statistics, Dutch children are the happiest in the world, and 70% of Dutch teenagers have good relationship with parents. And since I know the Dutch system thoroughly - from the birth of a child to university, then who else, if not me, should tell about this!

In addition, I tried to comprehend and generalize the experience of my school friends and their parents, the experience of my current friends and their children, as well as the experience accumulated in my family. My grandmother, a professor of didactics, is a teacher from God. She worked at the school for a long time and worked all sorts of miracles with teenage students (for example, a ski trip from Gorky to Moscow with concerts in rural schools). In our family, it is customary to be friends with children; this tradition has been going on for four generations. My mother even wanted to write a book about it, but she hasn’t written it yet. So I will, at least partially, do it for her.

What you will and won't find in this book

We often don't like something about our teenage children. The easiest way is to start criticizing your child for everything. I will try to explain why this is useless and even very harmful, and will offer my approach to typical teenage problems. By this I mean the typical problems of successful children: things like poor academic performance, reluctance to communicate with parents, differences of opinion, unhealthy eating, begging for money and gifts, excessive flirting, neglect of household responsibilities, a terrible mess in the room, discouraging appearance or slamming doors. I am absolutely not ready to advise anything about alcoholism, drugs, crime, leaving home and other real serious problems. I am convinced that these problems can be prevented, but if trouble has already struck, then you need to urgently seek help from professionals.

I can't tell you how to solve each of your child's specific problems. This is very individual, and my only advice is to see the good in children and scold them as little as possible. But I will try to explain a certain general approach to teenage problems, and if you like it, then you will see for yourself where and how it can be applied.

I am not a professional teen parenting expert. My thoughts are based on my Russian and Dutch experiences and the experiences of my family and friends. This book is a conversation between a mother and other mothers and fathers about what so often worries us about our children and our relationships with them. It seems to me that even just thinking about this, honestly and self-critically, is already very useful for solving many problems, and I hope that my book will help you with this. (In the third chapter there is a small section addressed to the teenagers themselves, where we're talking about about what makes sense to spend time on adolescence to increase your chances of success and happiness in the near future.)

I don't presume to teach you how to raise a perfect child. This is impossible. And it's not necessary! But I will do everything to help you improve your relationship with the child you have.

I offer you a long way: first make friends with the child, get to know him well, earn his trust, and only then achieve something from him. It's a winding long road, but I'm sure that in parenting you can't take any shortcuts. And there is no need to cut short, because the process is no less important than the result. Trusting communication with children, daily joy from the very fact of their existence - this is life, this is happiness.

And one last thing. I don't know about you, but I like teenagers. So if you are expecting to hear something like “We were different,” then from me you will only hear “We were no better.”

Thanks everyone

This book appeared very quickly and unexpectedly for me. But the process of its formation actually began a long time ago, and a lot of people took part in it.

First of all, I am grateful to my mother, who can rightfully consider herself the producer of this project. She always believed in my writing abilities and it was her idea to put my theories and stories on the topic of raising teenagers on paper.

“Seven Rules for Choosing a University” fully passes the most stringent test. Firstly, it was written by an applicant who herself made the decisive choice of her life, preferring mathematics to philology. Secondly, it was written by a loving mother who wisely limits herself to the right to decide for her own graduating daughter where she should go to study. Thirdly, this is a book written by a mathematician, convinced, like Pythagoras, that everything in the world is ruled by number. In each of these author's incarnations, the utmost sincerity and undoubted professionalism are captivating and convincing. The author knows what he is writing about, and this will be felt by both those who are going to university and those whose parental fate is to worry and advise. Leonid Polyakov, professor at National Research University Higher School of Economics

What is the book about?

This book is a unique guide to the world of higher education for applicants and their parents. The author, a mathematician and a passionate, talented teacher, knows the higher education system in Russia and Holland from the inside, and has extensive experience working with students of various specialties from different countries. Nelly Litvak has found a clear formula for “getting into a calling” and offers seven rules that will help any high school student make an informed individual choice. How to understand which profession is right for you? What you need to know about the university and curriculum and how can you make the most of the coming years of investing in yourself? The book will give applicants starting points for searching and choosing a specialty, and will tell parents how to avoid conflicts with their children and support them in making one of the main decisions in life.

Nellie Litvak

Vocation formula

Seven rules for choosing a university

Who am I and why am I writing this book?

Instead of a preface

I'll start by introducing myself.

I am a mathematician, a university teacher with extensive experience. She started teaching in Russia, and now has become a professor at a Dutch university.

I'm a fan of higher education. And don’t even try to prove to me that there is a more beautiful thing in the world!

In Holland, schools and universities pay great attention to helping high school students choose a university. And I really wanted to help graduates of Russian schools.

I have no doubt that I can help you, if not choose a specialty, then at least calm down and feel confident. But first, I’ll tell you how I myself chose a university at one time. Trust for trust.

How it was for me

And then, by the way, the Internet also didn’t exist yet or almost didn’t exist. We were busy writing programs that drew three-dimensional pictures. But that's not what this is about. A friend had an older sister, also quite a big original. She went to study in St. Petersburg at the Faculty of Mathematics and Mechanics of the State University. A friend spoke with delight about her sister and her life in St. Petersburg. My friend herself was also planning to go there. Well, me too. At that time I was still in love with a boy who did not pay any attention to me, and I thought - the further away from him, the better. This is how I - a serious girl, a gold medalist at a physics and mathematics school - made one of the main decisions in my life!

My friend has a sister and some relatives here, but I have absolutely nowhere to go. I felt uneasy. And my mother, of course, was worried how I would survive alone in Peterhof with a total shortage of food and the coupon system. And is it worth it when there is a good university in your hometown? My mother and I returned from Peterhof at a loss. I was so glad that she was with me!

The acceptance of documents at the University of Nizhny Novgorod ended in two days, which means that the decision had to be made today, right now. I couldn't close my eyes. Finally she stood up, took a pen out of her bag, and found a piece of paper. I drew this piece of paper into four squares. In one column she wrote: Nizhny Novgorod. In another: Peter. Then in each column in the top square I wrote all the pros, and in the bottom - all the cons I could think of. After that, in each square, I rated each item on a ten-point scale, closing the other three so that the ratings in different squares did not influence each other. After that, I added up all the pros and cons in each column. Nizhny Novgorod won by one point! And I felt my soul immediately feel better. A sure sign of the right decision! I returned to bed and immediately fell asleep, and in the morning I rushed to pick up my documents and buy train tickets.

I submitted documents to the Faculty of Computational Mathematics and Cybernetics of Nizhny Novgorod State University an hour before the admissions office closed.

Rule 1

Don't be afraid to choose

Are these thoughts familiar to you?

I want to go to law school. Or on economy. What if I don’t do it? I'll lose a year. Terrible.

With my diploma you can go to Moscow. Maybe I can decide after all? Or is it not worth it?

My parents want me to study management. And I myself don’t know what I want.

Maybe we should go somewhere easier? Get crusts so everyone can calm down?

Literature and history are melancholy. Mathematics, physics, chemistry are even worse. Fashion, that would be interesting. But this is impossible. And what will the parents say? I can imagine my dad's reaction! Haha...

Everyone says, you are capable, go to physics and mathematics. Well, okay, I’ll enroll, study, and then what? Becoming Einstein? Should I sit at a research institute? They say: then you can do anything. Well, I don't know. If I end up working in a bank or trading something, then why do I need all this physics?

What do I want? Yes, I have no idea what I want. I want everyone to leave me alone.

Nobody understands me. Yes, I’m an excellent student, I’ll go anywhere. But nothing really interests me. So what should I choose now?

Here mom says: “ Humanities education“This is not education.” And again: “Why did you study at physics and mathematics school then? Technical is more suitable for you. And it’s easier to find a job.” I understand, yes. But I don’t want to look for X for another five years!

Don't care about anything. There's still time.

Such thoughts often plague high school students at night. And this is no coincidence, because for many, choosing a place to study is...